Having completed my Master’s degree in June 1984, I began what turned out to be a 31-year stint in pastoral ministry and education at St. Lawrence Parish and Academy in Santa Clara. I began that work in August with a fair amount of experience for a 30-year old. Previously, I’d worked as a prefect in the dormitory at Bellarmine College Prep in San José for five years. I’d spent a year as a full-time teacher at St. Augustine’s College in Nassau, in the Bahamas. I’d taught part-time at Bellarmine for three of the five years I worked there as a dormitory prefect. And I’d spent four years at St. Christopher Parish and School in San José, where I taught middle school literature for three years and served as the parish Director of Youth & Young Adult Ministry for three years. For two of those four years, the second and third, I balanced both jobs concurrently.

So in the summer of 1984, as I prepared to begin my work at St. Lawrence, someone shared these words with me: “Be careful! Working for the Church will challenge your faith.”

My previous experiences at the three other Catholic institutions had been, for the most part, quite positive. Yes, there were a few incidents at both Bellarmine and St. Augustine’s which were alarming, but they certainly did not “challenge my faith.” Little did I know that the warning I received in the summer of 1984 would be so prophetic.

I should point out that there is a significant difference between my “faith” and my relationship with God. The issues I will mention have not interfered with my relationship with God. We’re good! My faith in the Catholic Church as an institution, however, most notably as I have personally experienced it at the local level, has most definitely been a challenge for me.

There was a time when I believed the Catholic Church was a credible institution characterized by honesty and integrity. I have since learned otherwise. It took awhile, but I finally realized that Church leaders often use the terms “process” and “focus groups” to deceive parishioners and employees into believing that their input is valued and given serious consideration in making significant decisions in the parish and diocese. In my experience, it’s not. And with little accountability for finances, a parish or diocese has the opportunity to manipulate funds to serve their own interests.

There was a time when I believed that all Catholic priests were “men of God,” deserving of the trust and respect of their communities. Wrong again. Certainly there are some priests, maybe even many priests, who are deserving of our trust and respect. In 2023, we all know this is not true for an alarming number of ordained clergy. And sexual misconduct by priests is only part of the problem. I truly empathize with those priests who serve with integrity, who legitimately live the vows they’ve taken, and who understand that their status as ordained ministers does not mean that they are any closer to God than anyone else.

There was a time when I believed that the role of ordained ministers was to “humbly serve” the people of God. Sadly, it seems that too many priests today consider their “vocation” to be a business venture, a source of status, or simply a laid-back job opportunity which requires little effort or accountability on their part. I’ve found it amusing to hear so many priests, when introducing themselves to a new parish community, tell the assembly how successful they had been in the business world and how they sacrificed a lucrative salary to become a priest. That story has gotten old. 

There were times, in the sixty years since Vatican II, when I believed the Church would continue moving forward to meet the needs and challenges of the ever-changing modern world. Sadly, it seems that many seminarians and newly-ordained priests today are doing everything possible to drag the Church back to the 1950s.  

I’ve been impressed by the leadership of Pope Francis I and the efforts he has made to support the vision of the Second Vatican Council. It is sad to see those efforts thwarted by bishops and priests who would prefer to wallow in the Church of the ‘50s. As a result of these bishops and priests, the Catholic Church, at least in the United States, is becoming increasingly obsolete and irrelevant to educated Catholic women and men.

Yes, working for the Church has challenged my faith — my faith in the Church as an institution.