“The thing I loved the most…
about teaching…
is that you can connect
with an individual or a group
and see that individual or group
exceed their limits.”

Mike Krzyzewski
Former Duke Men’s Basketball Coach

Breaking news? Well, maybe not exactly, but in this world of equality, equity, and political correctness, one might be surprised to hear a retired educator admit that he had “favorite” students. I did. And I firmly believe that every one of my colleagues, without exception, did, too. 

Just as students have their favorite — and not so favorite — teachers, it’s only natural that teachers would have some students they enjoy teaching more than others. It’s human nature. In my formative years, I had teachers at almost every level who inspired me, who I respected, and who I enjoyed being around. These teachers, for the most part, positively influenced my feelings about the subject being taught — and about myself. Similarly, I had teachers at several levels who I disliked, some intensely. Rarely, if ever, did my dislike for any teacher have anything to do with the subject being taught. A student’s feelings about a teacher are most often a response to their perception, right or wrong, of the teacher’s feelings about them. This was certainly my experience.

Educator Beth Morrow wrote, “The strength of our student relationships makes the difference in translating our passion for teaching into their passion for learning.” Exactly!

It would be unreasonable for anyone to expect that all teachers should feel the same way about all their students. That’s just not possible. Despite this, we should expect that all teachers treat all their students with respect, professionalism, and integrity. The fact that we might prefer some students over others is not problematic, but should not be readily evident.

Justin Tarte, a teacher and administrator from Missouri, wrote, “Teachers who put relationships first don’t just have students for one year. They have students who view them as their teacher for life.” In other words, developing positive, professional relationships with students is a good strategy for effective educators. Sadly, our human nature, and that of our students, makes it challenging for some students to benefit from this opportunity.

As Tarte predicted, I have many former students who, even today, see me as their teacher. Some occasionally seek advice. Others simply want to keep in touch. Some have become my friends on social media, sharing photos of their children and grandchildren. (Keep in mind that some of my former students are already well into their 60s!) I am grateful for the opportunity to have lifelong relationships with these women and men. This confirms to me that their perception of me is that I cared about them and treated them with respect. 

I am well aware that some of my former students want nothing to do with me. I’m okay with this, but it saddens me. Olympic skater Scott Hamilton tells a story about a ninth grade teacher who told him he was much smarter and much better than he was allowing himself to be. Isn’t this the role of an effective educator? Jesuit priest Greg Boyle urges us to “see in (our students) what they don’t see in themselves… until they do.” 

Unfortunately, a few years ago, I shared a message, similar to the one Hamilton received from his ninth grade teacher, with one of my students. I copied his parents on my email to him so that they would be aware of my concerns. This student was capable of so much more, yet he consistently chose to devote much of his time and attention to non-academic pursuits. This resulted in schoolwork well below his ability level. Unlike Hamilton, however, who appreciated the wake-up call, my message was considered offensive — not by the student himself, but by his mother! 

Well,… I tried. Hopefully, the young man’s mother can look back now and recognize that I cared enough about her son to challenge him. The student seemed to understand this from the start.