“Just because everything
is different
doesn’t mean anything
has changed.” 
Irene Peter

When I dropped my granddaughter off for her preschool class on Tuesday morning, it was cold, windy, and raining. What a difference today — the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and there is a warmth to the morning air I haven’t felt in quite awhile. It’s refreshing. Change like this is good.

I keep hearing people tell me that San Francisco has changed. They compare the charm and safety of The City of the 1960s and ‘70s with what is clearly a different scenario today — rampant homelessness, senseless crime, and filthy streets in many neighborhoods. They are right. Things have most definitely changed. Change like this is not so good. 

There seems to be general agreement that our country has changed. If there ever was truly a time when we were “one nation under God,” and I’m not sure there ever was, that sense of national unity no longer exists. It’s “we” vs. “them,” and a lack of tolerance of the other. Change like this is also not so good.

Yes, things have changed, but rather than lament what has been lost, I believe it is helpful, even essential, that we focus on what has not changed in our world. The real things, the meaningful things, the significant things in life are just as important today as they ever were, and it’s imperative for our mental health that we recognize this reality. 

I made a list of twenty factors, many of which might be considered rarities in our world today, that are as essential in 2023 as they have been at any previous time in history. I’ve broken the list up into four sets of five traits.

The first set includes honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, compassion, and the ability to make the most of what we have. These are foundational traits which help us to live a satisfying life: honesty in all things; doing the right thing even when no one else will know what we’ve done; trustworthiness in our words and actions; treating those around us, most notably the outcast and marginalized in our society, with compassion; and contentment with what we have. 

The second set of traits includes kindness, empathy, courage, reliability, and the ability to be happy with simple pleasures. Kindness to others is foundational to being human. Empathy enables us to put ourselves in the shoes of another person and to truly feel what they feel. Courage provides the strength to go outside our comfort zone to do what needs to be done. Reliability is the gift we give to those who depend upon us in order for them to live their lives to the fullest. To be happy with simple pleasures is, again, a form of contentment which can free us from feelings of victimhood and envy.

The third set includes punctuality, loyalty, respect, fairness, and deferred gratification. Being punctual, whether in a work or social setting, is evidence of our respect for others, and for their time. Most people have multiple loyalties, but the most important might be to our marriage partners and to our families. Respect, which is not the same thing as fear, is another foundational trait of being human. We must respect others and ourselves. Fairness can be an incredible challenge for us, because life is not fair. Despite the fact that we may feel that we have been treated unfairly, we are still called to accept the challenge of being fair to others in the things we say and do. Deferred gratification, a trait with which many are unfamiliar, is the ability to put off until some later time that which we would like to enjoy in the present moment, knowing that, in the long run, it will be better for us and for others to enjoy the experience at some other time.

Finally, the fourth set of traits includes courtesy, gratitude, patience, generosity, and concern for the common good. A simple “please” or “thank you,” holding a door open for someone, or graciously allowing a driver to merge into your lane are all examples of basic courtesy. Those who know me are well aware of my passion for gratitude. I’m convinced that gratitude is the key to happiness in life. It is difficult, if not altogether impossible, to be grateful and unhappy at the same time. Patience is a gift I lacked through much of my life. We can display patience by not pressuring others, by waiting our turn, by allowing circumstances to play out as they will anyway. And concern for the common good is just that — a constant, conscious awareness that it’s not just about us. Anticipating, and doing what we can to accommodate the needs of others is something that will never be old-fashioned or out of date.

Yes, much has changed in our world. I’m tremendously grateful that these twenty traits continue to have value for us in 2023.

____________________

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