Sometimes, all we have to do is show up. Be there. We may not know exactly what to say, nor what to do, so there can be a bit of awkwardness to the experience. In fact, in most cases, we don’t have to say or do anything at all. What’s important is that we make the effort to simply be there for the people we love. 

I think this is why we often attend funerals of people we did not personally know. Someone we do know and care about has suffered a loss, and our presence at the services lets them know that we are there for them in their time of sorrow.

I have vivid recollections of my last night in the Bahamas after my year of teaching there in 1975. During the summer months, I had been doing some volunteer work at The Ranfurly Home, an orphanage for Bahamian children. I’d gotten to know many of the children quite well. On my last night in Nassau, my sister, Cathy, joined me for a visit to the facility. I brought the Disney movie The Aristocats to show that night. When the movie was over, I packed up the projector, and said goodbye to the kids. I knew there was a very good chance that I would never see any of them again.

When we got to my car, I put the projector in the back seat, started the engine, and slowly drove down the driveway to Mackey Street. Before I exited the property, I had to stop. Tears had filled my eyes and I couldn’t see. After a bit of a pause, we continued our journey back to the house where we were staying. When we went inside, I walked directly to my bedroom, as I knew my emotions were about to overwhelm me. I sat on the edge of my bed and let the tears flow. 

Within minutes, Cathy entered the room and sat by my side. She didn’t say anything. I think she knew there was nothing she could say to make me feel better. I just had to embrace the grief and let it take its course. Not only was I saying goodbye to the kids at The Ranfurly Home, I was also saying goodbye to what may have been the most transformative year of my life. Cathy’s presence that night was a true gift.

We all have opportunities to simply be there for others. It’s important that we seize these opportunities and provide the presence so desperately needed in these moments.

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