“I believe that what we become 
depends on what our fathers teach us 
at odd moments, when they aren’t 
trying to teach us.”
~ Umberto Eco

In the right-hand photo above, you’ll see a yellow Post-It note with the date May 15. I placed that note prominently at my desk two months ago. I had an idea for another book. I set a timeline for myself. Then I got to work writing the book. Dad: 12 Questions Every Father Should Answer for His Adult Children is now available on Amazon. Right on time.

A psychotherapist from Berkeley, California, Michael Ceely, was interviewed for a magazine article about the relationship between fathers and sons. It can be a complicated relationship, because when both are doing their job, conflict is inevitable. One of the developmental tasks of the transition between adolescence and young adulthood involves the quest for autonomy. The son seeks to make it clear, to himself and to his father, that he is his own person, and that he is capable of making important decisions on his own. Dad’s job, on the other hand, is to provide boundaries and limits for his son, with the goal of not allowing the young man to jeopardize his future with reckless decisions. One can easily see how this might be problematic in some father-son relationships.

In the magazine article, Ceely shared twelve questions that every father should answer for his adult sons. Having read through the twelve questions, and Ceely’s explanation for why each was important, I set out to respond to the questions for my own three sons. In doing so, I realized that these questions are no less significant for adult daughters.

Some of the questions were fairly easy to answer. I did my best to be as open and honest as I could possibly be. At least one of the questions caused me to duck and cover,… at first. The question asked for me to share something that, out of respect for my three boys, I am simply not willing to share. I explain this in the book. Then I go on to respond to a version of the question.

The process of answering these twelve questions was, for the most part, not difficult for me. I’ve been a pretty open book with my boys. Throughout their lives, I’ve shared many stories about my own successes and failures with them. Despite this, there is information in the book which they will be hearing for the first time.

My hope in publishing Dad is to encourage other men to reflect upon and answer these twelve questions for their own adult children. And for those whose father is still alive, to invite your Dad to reflect upon and respond to the questions. With Father’s Day a little more than a month away, this book would make a perfect gift.