“In life, it’s not where you go, 
it’s who you travel with.” 
~ Charles Schulz

It could not have been a more timely headline. On Saturday morning, June 29, 1985, the top story in the sports section of the San José Mercury News revealed that Golden State Warriors’ star player, Joe Barry Carroll, was looking to get out of his contract. Not surprisingly, a number of friends brought copies of the sports section of the newspaper to our wedding.

Well, thirty-eight years later, I still haven’t found an escape clause, nor am I looking for one. Today, Kathy and I celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary — thirty-eight years of a perfectly imperfect marriage. Like any married couple, we’ve had our challenging times, but that’s part of how the marriage game is played. It’s not easy, but it’s awesome.

A friend once warned me that I shouldn’t criticize Kathy’s choices, reminding me that I am one of them! A point well-made. 

Research has shown that arranged marriages have a higher success rate (lower divorce rate) than marriages in which the couples choose their own marriage partner. In an attempt to find out why this was true, I asked several of my students, whose parents were in arranged marriages, to ask their parents why they thought this was true. The responses were always the same. They explained that in western marriages, where couples freely choose their partner, there is an expectation that they fall in love, then marry. It’s as though the high-point of the relationship is on their wedding day. In arranged marriages, there is no expectation that the couple love each other on their wedding day. The expectation is that they commit themselves to growing in love together over the course of their marriage.

I’ve always been convinced that Kathy and I are in an arranged marriage. Our meeting each other was the result of my accepting a job to which I had not applied, and to which I had initially rejected the offer. Having accepted the offer, it took only nine days from my first day on the job to meet Kathy. Somehow, when we met, I knew,… and so did Kathy. It just felt right.

Now, after thirty-eight years, three sons, and four grandkids (with one more on the way), it is still clear to me that Kathy and I were meant to be together. As Charles Schulz mentions in the quote above, it not so much about where life takes you, but rather who you travel with. I am grateful to have Kathy as my travel partner on this journey of life.