“Sticks and stones 
will break my bones, 
but names will 
never hurt me.”

Alexander William Kinglake (1830)

This well-known children’s rhyme was included in a poem written in 1830. In my own childhood in the early 1960’s, these words were a common response to insults by bullies on the playground. I’m not exactly sure how old I was when it dawned on me that there is no truth to this cute little rhyme.

Oh, sure, it’s possible to let many put-downs roll right off our back, especially when we consider the source of those insults. Unfortunately, it took a long time for me to recognize that slurs tossed my way by mean kids were, in reality, not about me at all. Despite this realization, however, hurtful things have been said to me, even in my adult years, which echo in my head to this day. Perhaps this is a more common experience than I realize.

I recently had an unexpected reunion with one of my former students. She graduated from high school in 1995. Her first three years were spent at a different catholic high school in the South Bay. It was the educational institution from which several of her relatives had graduated. She was proud to be a student there. Due to an undiagnosed learning difference, however, one which was not identified and addressed until she was in college, she was asked to leave her beloved high school for not measuring up to their academic standards. 

In the process of being informed by the vice principal that she would not be allowed to return to the school for her senior year, the school administrator told her that she would never amount to anything. This young woman is now in her mid-40’s. It’s been twenty-nine years since those spiteful words were so callously spoken. As one might imagine, the words are as fresh in her mind today as the day they were uttered. 

It was providential that this student was able to transfer into the high school where I was teaching at the time. School was not easy for her, but due to her persistence, incredible effort, and positive attitude, she thrived in her senior year, earning the respect of her teachers and peers. Of course, the thought of pursuing a four-year degree wasn’t on her radar at that time. Why should it be? A professional educator had predicted that she would never amount to anything.

More than ten years after her high school graduation, the student completed her two-year degree from a local community college and applied for San José State University. It was there that an insightful, kind, and compassionate professor called her aside after class one day and recommended that she get tested for a learning difference. The results of the testing verified that, indeed, she learned differently from most other students. Accommodations were provided and, from that point on, she successfully completed the requirements for her bachelor’s degree.

This young woman has enjoyed a prosperous professional career. She is currently the Vice President of Strategic Accounts for a local construction/real estate business. She owns her own home in the Willow Glen neighborhood of San José and is living her life to the fullest. How sad that, even today, those despicable words, spoken to her by that insensitive high school administrator, continue to bounce around in her head.

I am convinced that Alexander William Kinglake was mistaken in 1830. The truth of the matter is this: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can do permanent damage.