“Talk to yourself
like you would to
someone you love.” 
Brené Brown

For an alarming number of people, negative self-talk is a formidable obstacle to both success and happiness in life. Such thoughts creep into our consciousness when, instead of focusing on the challenge at hand, we ruminate about past situations which did not go well — or we envision a future complicated by all the things that could possibly go wrong (and, most often, don’t.) 

So what can we do when we are confronted by negative self-thoughts?

Some experts recommend the practice of reframing. This is a strategy which enables us to reflect upon and identify the root causes of such negative thinking. Our initial response to a situation with which we are confronted is often flawed. Rather than immediately seeking viable options for addressing the issue at hand, we allow negative self-talk to paralyze us, causing self-doubt, frustration, and unnecessary stress. Instead of taking the time to critically evaluate these thoughts, we often accept them unquestioningly and allow them to overwhelm us, convincing ourselves that we don’t have what it takes to deal effectively with the situation.

Fortunately, there are strategies we can utilize to minimize, if not altogether eliminate, these demoralizing feelings.

The first step is to recognize these thoughts for what they are, reminding ourselves that we are competent individuals who are capable of handling whatever comes our way. Harsh judgments we make about ourselves are most often not accurate. It is critical that we discern the validity of these thoughts.

The second step is to consider an alternative response. Rather than allowing ourselves to be convinced of our inability to adequately handle a situation, we need to recognize our strengths and abilities so that we can use these gifts to move forward with a positive mindset.

Finally, when we recognize that we are judging ourselves harshly in the future, we need to evaluate our initial response to the situation and reflect on the value of a more positive, more enabling response — one which acknowledges and embraces the strengths within us.

It may take awhile for us to hone the skill of reframing, but doing so will empower us to accept the challenges which confront us in life with confidence and conviction. As Viktor Frankl wrote in his autobiographical work Man’s Search for Meaning, “Everything can be taken from a man but… the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”