“Through all of youth,
I was looking for you
without knowing
what I was looking for.” 
Benjamin Alire Sáenz 

I recall the night vividly. It was well after midnight. I was walking down The Alameda from Santa Clara University, where I had been visiting with friends in one of the dormitories, to the campus of Bellarmine College Prep, where I lived and worked at that time. It was January 1974. I don’t know why I was thinking about this at that particular time in my life, but the thought crossed my mind. Presuming that I would marry some day, and considering that I was 19-years-old at the time, it seemed highly likely that my to-be wife, should I marry at some point, was alive and living on this earth already. I wondered who she was. I wondered where she was living at that moment. I wondered if I already knew her. I wondered where and how and when we would meet if that had not yet happened. These and a number of other questions swirled around in my head as I made my way back to the Bellarmine dormitory that cold winter night. That was fifty years ago.

It took another ten years before I finally met Kathy. We had the pleasure of meeting at a social function at Saint Lawrence Parish in Santa Clara in early August 1984. It was one of those surreal experiences — when we met, we just knew. There was a mutual respect and admiration well beyond the physical attraction. We married in June 1985, became parents in May 1986, purchased our home in October 1986, had another child in May 1988, and one more in March 1992. Our three sons are now 37, 35, and 31. We have four grandchildren, with one more expected any day now. Kathy and I are both retired, though Kathy regularly takes care of the little ones while their parents are at work, and I teach two writing classes for adults on Tuesdays. With each passing day, our life together continues to unfold.

From time to time, I’m still asked questions such as, “Where do you see yourself five, or ten, or twenty years from now?” It’s a nice icebreaker question, and, to some degree, the answer is quite simple: I don’t know. I expect that we will continue living here in our home in San José, California. That could change, but I don’t expect that it will. What I do know, with absolute certainty, is that wherever I am, I want to be with Kathy.

We’ve been a good team for the past 38 years. Like any relationship, we’ve encountered a few bumps in the road along our journey, but the older we get, the smoother the road seems to be. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that our lives are on cruise control, as that could be incredibly dangerous, but the ride has gotten progressively more comfortable. Rather than life passing us by in a blur, as it did for so many years, we now have the opportunity to slow down, mindfully look around, and savor the scenery along the way. I am thoroughly enjoying this leg of our journey together. 

I expect that there may still be some bumps in the road, and perhaps even a few detours, in the coming years. We’ll deal with those if and when they arise. For now, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift Kathy has been in my life. I can easily relate the famous Lou Gehrig quote from his speech at Yankee Stadium on the 4th of July in 1939: “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”