“Anyone can become angry —
that’s easy. But to be angry
with the right person,
to the right degree,
at the right time,
for the right purpose,
and in the right way —
that is not easy.” 
Aristotle

This may come as a surprise to some, but many who have known me for a long time are well aware that, in my earlier days, I struggled with anger management issues in some settings. My mood could change from congenial to confrontational in the blink of an eye. The slightest trigger could set it off. It took tremendous effort, a significant amount of reading, and a few life changes for me to overcome this disability. Gratefully, I’ve been successful at keeping my anger in check for close to twenty years now. 

In her book, Transforming Fire, author Kathleen Fischer writes, “Men, as well as women, are trying to find their way in a world that both generates anger and constricts its expression.” On any given day, it is fairly common to see people expressing their anger in a variety of ways and for a variety of reasons. No doubt, there are times when one’s anger is justified, but Fischer warns us, “Failing to direct it wisely puts us and our world at risk.”

In just this past week, I’ve witnessed a road rage incident, a parental meltdown toward a toddler-age child in a restaurant, a verbal conflict between coworkers, and a hostile verbal assault of a developmentally-disabled courtesy clerk in a grocery store by a disgruntled customer. In each of these cases, I felt compassion for the victims of the abuse and pity for the abuser. Life doesn’t have to be so complicated and volatile. 

In her poem, Portrait of a Figure Near Water, poet Jane Kenyon referred to anger as “the inner arsonist.” What an accurate description for such a complicated emotion.

Anger need not be avoided completely. How we express that anger, however, must be harnessed employing the strategy of containment — a way of consciously putting our emotion on hold long enough for us to find an appropriate time and way to express it in a constructive manner.

The words of Aristotle quoted above can provide valuable guidance, reminding us that the emotion of anger is not bad in and of itself. It’s just an emotion. The problem arises when we express that emotion inappropriately. 

It is not always easy to regulate our anger, but it’s always possible.