“The bond that links
your true family is not
one of blood, but of
respect and joy in
each other’s life.” 
Richard Bach

I was blessed with three siblings — one brother and two sisters. Each of us has experienced a full, productive, and unique life journey. Our interests vary. Our likes and dislikes can be quite disparate. It seems that our bucket lists have few commonalities. And yet, we share a bond, an enduring and resilient bond, because we are, after all,… family.

My brother, Tom, is four years older than me. Today is his birthday. For this reason, I want to take some time to reflect on the gift Tom has been for me throughout my lifetime. 

In our formative years, Tom and I had little in common. He liked to read. I didn’t. I lived to play sports. He didn’t. He had a fascination with pipe organs. I didn’t. I got into lots of trouble for doing stupid things. He didn’t. He was handy with tools and building things. I wasn’t. I enjoyed listening to San Francisco Giants’ baseball games on the radio. He didn’t. He graduated from high school as a National Merit scholar. I didn’t. I graduated from high school… by the grace of God.

Despite our differences, we’ve always had a solid connection. Tom has cared about me and I have cared about him. I have been supportive of Tom and he has been supportive of me. I am proud to be Tom’s brother and, well,… I can only hope. 

Tom is a Jesuit priest. His call to the priesthood came early in life. As part of his priestly formation, he was asked to serve a number of communities in a variety of ways — teaching at Bellarmine College Prep in San José and Loyola High School in Los Angeles, doing pastoral ministry work at the Jesuit Urban Center in Boston, providing spiritual direction at the Jesuit Retreat Center in Los Altos, and, for ten years, providing both spiritual direction and editing assistance for international Jesuits working on post-graduate degrees in Rome. Tom is now providing spiritual direction at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles. 

As close as I thought my siblings and I were five years ago, the death of our mother in August 2022 has had a profound effect on our interactions. I always thought of Tom, Cathy, and Peggy as my siblings, with Mom serving as the focal point of our relationships. Since Mom’s passing, however, our point of convergence is gone. My interactions with my siblings at this point in time are direct and straightforward. I realize now, more than ever, how much they mean to me and how important they are in my life.

As we acknowledge and celebrate Tom’s birthday today, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for both his presence in my life and his role in our family. I have the same sense of gratitude for my sisters. We are family. It’s just us now. We need to be here for each other. The greatest gift we can give our parents at this time in our lives is to love each other. This, more than anything, must make them incredibly happy.