“You have been criticizing
yourself for years,
and it hasn’t worked.
Try approving of yourself
and see what happens.”
~ Louise Hay

Why is it so challenging for us to lovingly embrace who we are? What is it about the human condition which causes us to be so self-critical? Well, for starters, for years advertisers have mastered the art of misleading consumers into believing that we are inferior or deprived, but promising that their product will provide us with everything we need to be happy and feel good about ourselves. Their manipulative tactics have been incredibly effective.

There is more to our lack of self-acceptance than just advertising, but I’m at a loss to identify all the factors that come into play. I do, however, have a few thoughts to share on the topic.

It seems that many of us have gone through life with an insatiable desire to attain the approval of others. When we don’t receive the approval we seek, it’s easy to think, “I’m not enough.” Why is it so difficult to accept ourselves regardless of what others think? 

One critical life task that is often overlooked is recognizing and acknowledging the positives in ourselves and our lives. Rather than comparing ourselves to others and worrying so much about what others think of us, it is imperative that we develop the ability to focus on what is good about us, and on those things we do well. It might also be beneficial to make a conscientious effort to see ourselves and the world around us through the lens of gratitude, rather than the lens of deprivation.

The more we identify and embrace our strengths, our skills, and our personal values, the less need we will have to seek the approval of others. And when we are content with who we are, others’ perceptions of us change, too. Lao Tzu wrote, “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”

A healthy self-image means approving of ourselves unconditionally. This does not mean that we have to like everything about ourselves, but it does mean accepting and loving ourselves as we are right now.

It’s all too common for individuals to have the attitude that they’ll be happier and love themselves more when they’ve lost forty pounds, or when they get out of debt, or when they accomplish a particular life goal. Sadly, when we attach conditions to our self-image, we sabotage ourselves and inhibit our ability to live life to the fullest. When we feel good about who we are, when we accept ourselves as we are, rather than as we feel we should be, we are more resilient to the criticism of others. 

We certainly have the option to be like others, but there is a price to pay for doing so. Author Rita Mae Brown warns us, “I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”

The challenge is real.