“One of the most powerful
handclasps is that of a
new grandbaby around the
finger of a grandfather.”
Joy Hargrove

He’s happy. He smiles. He sleeps well. For the most part, he’s quite content. He is loved more than he will ever know. He’s Henry, our fifth grandchild.

Henry is three months old. He enjoys the attention he gets from his two sisters. He likes being outside, where he can see the trees and feel the spring breeze against his face. He also seems to enjoy books. It appears that he is able to stay focused on the colorful images on the pages of the different books being read to him.

Henry is still an infant. Eventually, he will become a toddler, then a little boy. From there, he will endure the challenges of adolescence and young adulthood before transitioning into full adulthood. Developmentally, that’s how it happens. There are no short-cuts.

Two things you will never hear me say to Henry: (1) “Hey, little man!” and (2) “C’mon, Henry, man up!” I find both of these phrases to be grossly inappropriate things to say to a young boy. Many might consider them to be cute little phrases not to be taken literally. I understand. In reality, though, they send the wrong message about the developmental realities of little boys. 

In her highly-acclaimed book, Let Boys Be Kids First, licensed marriage and family therapist Raelene Weaver writes, “There’s so much pressure on boys to act and be like ‘real men’: to grow up, to man up, to be strong, stoic, and never complain — to be a man in a boy’s body.” She reminds readers that in doing so, we are doing these young boys a tremendous disservice. Before they will ever be developmentally capable of acting like men, they must be allowed to be the little boys that they are. As the title of the book so eloquently warns us, we need to “Let Boys Be Kids First.”

Weaver tells us that “we must let boys know it’s okay to be sad or scared and feel all their emotions, and that we’re here to support them.” These types of emotions are not signs of weakness in the child. Rather, they are reminders that the young boy is human, and that he deserves the freedom to express the full range of his humanness in age-appropriate ways.

In his book, Real Boys’ Voices, Dr. William Pollack acknowledges that in our society, there is an expectation that boys be tougher and less emotional than girls. Raelene Weaver agrees, stating, “We must focus on our boys being good human beings and not worry so much about the man box… Everyone should feel safe enough to have all their feelings. Feelings are human and normal.”

Getting back to Henry for a moment, I am grateful for the opportunity to be a five-time “Papa.” Grandparenting is an amazing gift. I agree with the words of Mary H. Waldrip, who wrote, “Grandchildren are God’s way of compensating us for growing old.”

And while some might believe that becoming a grandparent makes one feel old, I disagree wholeheartedly. Instead, I embrace the words of former newspaper editor G. Norman Collie. He wrote, “Children don’t make a man feel old; it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother.”