“When you look at your mother,
you are looking at the purest
love you will ever know.” 
Mitch Albom

My mother died two years ago today. Her death was not unexpected. Mom, who was less than a month shy of her 93rd birthday, passed away peacefully in her home at the Villa Siena Retirement Community in Mountain View, California. She had lived there for just over ten years.

The death of a parent has a particular sting to it. My father’s unexpected death in July 2008 was like a punch to the gut. I didn’t see it coming. The intense grief I experienced in the months following his death was more painful than I would have imagined. I felt as though my life had been derailed, and it took quite a while for me to get back on track. My experience of Mom’s death was different.

While there was still a sense of tremendous loss, my response to Mom’s passing was, and continues to be, intense gratitude. She was the emotional switchboard of our family. If I wanted to know how my Dad was doing, I most often found out from Mom. With my three siblings and I immersed in our own lives, even though we communicated regularly, it was not unusual for me to learn about the news of their lives from Mom.

People often refer to the cycle of life. More so than anywhere else, I experienced this reality in my interactions with my mother. In my childhood, Mom held my hand. Mom helped me to do the things I was not yet capable of doing for myself. Mom drove me to the places I needed to go until such time as I was able to do so myself. And Mom loved me — unconditionally.

By the time Mom reached the age of 90, the cycle of life had come full-circle. There was an increasing number of things Mom was no longer able to do for herself. I held her hand. I helped her with simple tasks which had become challenging for her. I drove Mom to the places she needed to go, mostly to medical appointments. Through all this, there was a tangible sense of mutual love and respect.

I think of Mom pretty much every day, not with grief, but with gratitude. The way she lived her life continues to inspire me, and to provide me with a valuable blueprint for how to live my life to the fullest. Mom taught me the importance of self-care, compassion for others, honesty, kindness, and gratefulness. She taught me to be confident in my own abilities and to use those abilities to serve others. She taught me how to be assertive without being aggressive. 

Mom taught me how to be financially responsible, as well as the importance of never giving up on myself. She taught me how to live a life of integrity, and how to love unconditionally (a lesson I’m still struggling to embrace). And Mom taught me not only to be grateful for the many blessings I have received in my life, but to express my gratitude to others appropriately and often.

As the opening words of the traditional Irish ballad claim, “A mother’s love is a blessing.”

It most certainly is.