“Forget what hurt you
in the past,
but never forget
what it taught you.”
~Author Unknown

In the late 1970’s, I was teaching at Bellarmine College Prep in San José. One of my colleagues shared the following humorous, yet thought-provoking story with me:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was bitter cold, so much so that the poor little bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. Soon after, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen little bird lay there in the pile of cow manure, he began to realize how warm he was. The manure was actually thawing him out! He laid there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

As fate would have it, a passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. When the cat discovered the little bird under the pile of cow manure, he promptly dug him out — and ate him.

There are three important lessons one can learn from this brief story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is necessarily your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is necessarily your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s probably best to just keep your mouth shut!

• • •

Life lesson are constantly available to us. They come in the form of inspiring posters, thought-provoking quotes, humorous stories, bumper stickers, and great literature. We learn life lessons from grandparents, coaches, parents, teachers, preachers, writers, neighbors, children, and school custodians. Life lessons can be learned at any time, anywhere, and from anyone. Although the author of the quote at the top of this post is unknown, the wisdom of the author’s words have tremendous value. We are all hurt at one time or another. In such situations, we have choices — we can hold on to the hurt, refusing to forgive the person who hurt us, or we can let go of it and offer the gift of forgiveness, whether it’s deserved or not. Whichever choice we make, it’s important that we never forget the lesson we learned from the situation.

Some of life’s most important lessons are learned from painful experiences. Certainly, the death of a loved one is a cause of significant pain, yet that same loss can be a tremendous learning experience for us — one which enables us to be more empathetic toward those who experience a similar loss.

This Christmas season was a difficult one for several people I know. All of them experienced the loss of a loved one in the past year, and all of them struggled to embrace the joy of the holiday season. I remember well the Christmas after my father died. I couldn’t listen to Christmas music. I didn’t want to celebrate the holiday, because it just didn’t feel right celebrating anything. There was such a tremendous void in my life, one which simply could not be filled with anything the holiday season had to offer. I was also unjustifiably resentful that those around me were celebrating Christmas as they always did, seemingly oblivious to my overwhelming sense of loss.

Sixteen years have passed since that time. I am in a much better place today. Through the years, I have come to fully accept the reality of my father’s death. I’m now able to fully embrace the celebrations of Christmas and the New Year.

I will always remember what I learned from that difficult time in my life. I am acutely aware of the pain and sense of loss in the lives of those who have experienced the loss of a loved one in recent months. I’ve made an effort to reach out to several of these individuals, some family and some friends. I understand their pain. I share their sense of loss. 

I try to assure these individuals that things will get better with time. This is something I couldn’t imagine in December 2008. Now I know that it is possible.