“Wisdom is knowing
what to overlook.”
William James

I’ve experienced a good amount of self-induced stress in my lifetime. When I say the stress was “self-induced,” I mean that I made a decision to allow myself to become stressed. Maybe it’s a personality trait or quirk, but it’s easy for me to let things get to me. When I see someone run a red light at an intersection, it bothers me. When I hear of someone not doing what they should be doing in the workplace, it bothers me. When my expectations for customer service in a department store, a restaurant, or anywhere else are not met, it bothers me. And when I see someone smoking in a designated non-smoking area, it bothers me. Even though some of these scenarios don’t have a direct impact on my life, I am often annoyed and frustrated by the situation. Why?

William James, who is often referred to as the father of American psychology, reminds us that we have the option to overlook some things in life, and that doing so is often the better, wiser option. Like so many life lessons I’ve learned, I wish I had learned this one at an earlier point of my life.

We all have expectations — of situations and of people. Therefore, we constantly set ourselves up for disappointment. I tend to be incredibly punctual. I think it’s a matter of respect. This view is not shared by many others. I don’t like smoking, and I don’t like being exposed to second-hand smoke, yet for many, smoking is not an issue. I tend to drive safely. I don’t run red lights, I don’t speed, and I don’t tailgate, yet some drivers do all of these things on a daily basis. That’s the reality of the world in which I live. I can let these things infuriate me, or I can learn to choose my battles.

Yes, “wisdom is knowing what to overlook” — at home, on the road, in the workplace, and just about anywhere in life. When we learn to overlook the faults and failings of others, when we become more tolerant of the ways people are different than ourselves, we can relax and enjoy life more. Being tolerant, however, is not to be confused with accepting or approving of the behavior we’ve chosen to overlook. It simply means that we will no longer allow that behavior to dictate our moods or actions.

Life is challenging enough as it is. I’ve learned to believe that most people, even when they appear incompetent, irresponsible, or just plain ignorant, are doing the best they can. Overlooking their shortcomings provides an opportunity to be more accepting of and appreciative of them as individuals deserving of respect.

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.”  ~ Pema Chödrön