“The opposite of love
is indifference to the
genuine needs of others.” 
Max Anders

Most of us have, at one time or another, completed some form of assessment tool. These instruments are used to determine compatibility, to assess personality strengths and weaknesses, for employment purposes, or simply for personal growth. I’ve taken a number of these questionnaires through the years — the Kudor Occupational Test, the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, the Enneagram, and a number of other inventories. While individual questions contained in these documents may seem absurd (“Would you rather eat an apple or help an old woman across the street?”), the participant’s collective responses often provide a surprisingly accurate assessment of the individual. 

The question posed in the image above got me thinking. My response would be “Strongly Agree.” I don’t know if those around me would agree, but I honestly believe that anticipating the needs of others is one of my strengths. Where did it come from?

I’m sure my parents were influential in my adopting this practice. I don’t recall specific examples to support this claim, but I’m confident that this would have been a parenting priority for them. 

One thing I do vividly recall is talking with my brother, Tom, back in late 1968. He had just completed a 30-day Ignatian silent retreat at the Jesuit Novitiate in Montecito, California. Of course, thirty days of silence seemed a bit extreme to me, so I had some questions. One simple question led to a life lesson I’ve never forgotten.

I asked Tom, “What if you’re sitting at dinner and someone at your table wants the salt shaker, but it’s out of his reach. Can’t he ask for it?” Tom explained that part of the discipline of the silent retreat was anticipating the needs of others. In other words, when one of the novices was looking toward the out-of-reach salt shaker, it was the responsibility of others at the table to recognize this and respond accordingly. Words were not needed.

The teaching of the Dalai Lama speaks to this practice. He said, “When you engage in fulfilling the needs of others, your own needs are fulfilled as a by-product.” This reciprocity of kindness and attentiveness is something to which each one of us is called in our daily lives.

The Dalai Lama spoke of this on a larger scale, too. “Concern yourselves more with the needs of others, with the needs of all humanity, and you’ll have peace of mind.” An insightful invitation, and a formidable challenge.

There are so many things, simple things, that each of us could do every day to make life better for those around us. By anticipating the needs of others — holding a door open, letting a driver merge into our lane, offering a bottle of cold water to a laborer on a hot day, or picking up and returning an item dropped by someone walking ahead of you — we contribute to making our world a better place for everyone.

Some might think that they are simply too busy to be concerned about the needs of others. Thomas Jefferson has words of encouragement for them. He said, “May I never get too busy in my own affairs that I fail to respond to the needs of others with kindness and compassion.”

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