“When in Rome,
live as the Romans do.”
Saint Ambrose

When Kathy and I visited Rome,… oh, that’s right. We’ve never visited Rome. It’s not that we didn’t have the opportunity. My brother, Tom, is a Jesuit priest who served as a spiritual director in Rome for ten years. Sadly, during those years, we had neither the time nor money to invest in such a journey. I know Kathy was a bit disappointed, but for some inexplicable reason, I have never had the desire to visit The Eternal City. Fortunately, Kathy will travel to Rome in September. She will be part of a pilgrimage group that will visit the significant sites of Saint Ignatius of Loyola in Spain (Loyola, Manresa, and Montserrat) and Rome. The tour will be led by my brother, Tom, and another Jesuit priest from Loyola-Marymount University.

Though I’ve never walked the roads and steps of Rome, for most of my life I have been familiar with the famous quote by Saint Ambrose: “When in Rome, live as the Romans do.” There is tremendous wisdom in these simple words. 

As a high school student in the early 1970’s, I learned that there was an appropriate way to live and act as a member of the student body of Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. Adapting to these social norms prepared me well for what was to come later in life. When I spent a year teaching in the Bahamas, I quickly adjusted to the social norms of island life. I’m not saying that I was forced to comply with social expectations. I could have done my own thing and demanded that others accept me for who I am. Fortunately, conforming to social norms in these settings did not compromise my values.

Ambrose’s quote has also played a pivotal role in my faith life. The Gospel message of Jesus calls us to be compassionate, kind, forgiving, and grateful. While I still struggle with forgiveness from time to time, I’m fairly confident that the other virtues are readily evident to those who know me. Simplicity, too, seems to be a virtue encouraged in the Scriptures. This is where my lifestyle might not reflect the wisdom of Ambrose.

In the United States, things that seem to matter most are power, wealth, popularity, and material possessions. The bigger the house, the better. The fancier the car, the more successful we appear to be. Status is often determined by such things as one’s zip code, occupation, or the labels on the clothing we wear. The “He who dies with the most toys wins” philosophy seems to be alive and well in 2025. I don’t buy into this. To me, simple is better.

I live in Silicon Valley. The only reason I can afford to live here is that we purchased our home in 1986. Back then, the $140,000 price tag on our condominium home was within our budget. (A generous gift of a down-payment from my parents helped, too.) This same property today would sell for close to a million dollars. So I have very little in common with many of my neighbors who have paid top dollar for their homes in recent years. Their generous salaries from high-tech jobs enable them to afford the Silicon Valley lifestyle. I don’t live as they do. I don’t drive a Tesla. I don’t frequent upscale Santana Row restaurants. I don’t own any of the “must-have” items which seem to define success in the South Bay in 2025. 

I think back to my Catholic school education with appreciation. I was not taught to “live as the Romans live.” I was taught to live as Jesus did — with compassion for the poor and vulnerable, with humility (I’m still working on this), with simplicity, with kindness to those I encounter each day, and with genuine gratitude for the many blessings I’ve received in my lifetime.

To live as Jesus did seems to have served me well these past seventy years.