“It takes courage to  
face and overcome  
powerful emotions.” 
Desmond Tutu

As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog post, I’m on retreat this weekend, so I want to keep this short.

Last night, at the opening session, the retreat leader, Fr. Jim Voiss, S.J., invited us to recall an experience in our lives with which we struggle to forgive. He challenged us to probe the event with humility and honesty. These seven questions were provided to help us get started.

1. What happened?
2. Who else was involved?
3. How did you feel about what happened?
4. What was your initial reaction?
5. Were you satisfied with your response?
6. How has the event impacted your relationships?

I’ve had more than just a few painful experiences from which to choose. Forgiveness has never been my strength. I finally settled on one situation with which I continue to struggle. I considered each of the six questions above as they pertain to this particular event. This exercise wasn’t difficult until I read question #7. For this question, I am struggling to come up with a response.

7. Why do you suppose this experience affected you the way it did?

I took this question to bed with me last night. I was hoping that, perhaps in a dream, I might come to some understanding of why this particular experience continues to hurt me? I had dreams last night, but none of them seemed to be related to the challenge of forgiveness.

We begin Day 2 of the retreat at 9:00 this morning. Throughout the day, I will also have a good amount of unstructured time for reflection. Maybe I’ll have a breakthrough at some point and be enlightened as to why I have allowed this particular incident, and others like it, to have such control over me for so long. 

I’m here this weekend for a reason. I don’t quite know what that reason is, but I feel strongly that I have been called to be here and to confront my struggles with forgiveness. I have no grandiose expectations. I simply hope to gain some insights and skills to better cope with some of the negative feelings associated with experiences which have caused enigmatic pain in my life.