A Beacon of Light

A Resting Place

Kevin Carroll

“Look back in 
GRATITUDE, 
stay present in
LOVE, 
and the future 
will unfold with 
GRACE.”
Judy Parker

Kathy and I had the honor of attending a gathering this afternoon at Bracher Park in Santa Clara. Prior to today, I’d never been to this venue. With afternoon temperatures in the mid-80ºs, and a gentle breeze passing through the trees and across the vast expanse of grass throughout the day, conditions were perfect for a celebration. Today’s get-together, which, in some ways, was a “celebration of life,” was an emotional one. Family and friends gathered to remember an energetic 7-year-old boy, Myles Anthony Smith, who died a little less than a year ago from cancer. 

In the late 1990s, our three sons played baseball in the Briarwood-El Camino Little League. During those years, we met dozens of wonderful people. Two of those people were “Smitty” and Katie Smith, parents of Anthony and Alan. Our boys never played on the same teams with their sons, but we all got to know each other pretty well. Just as our boys have gotten older, two of them now married with children, Smitty and Katie’s sons have also grown into adulthood and have children of their own. Myles, the 7-year-old who passed away, was Anthony’s son.

Today’s event included the dedication of a park bench in memory of Myles. The bench is ideally situated at the north end of the park and offers an unobstructed view of the entire facility. The tree directly behind the bench provides comfortable shade for anyone choosing to sit on the bench in the afternoon hours. A walking path, which encircles the entire park, passes directly in front of the bench. Santa Clara Mayor Lisa Gillmor officially dedicated the bench today and provided support to the entire Smith family.

I made no effort to count the number of those in attendance, but a good number of family members and friends participated in the events of the day, which included some prayer, a bit of singing, the official dedication ceremony, and an amazing barbecue lunch for everyone. 

I never had the pleasure of meeting little Myles. Today, however, gave me a glimpse of the type of child he was. The entire day was an expression of love — love for Myles, and love for each other. Clearly, this young man made a positive impact on the people around him during his brief life. From conversations I had with both family members and friends, the two themes I heard repeated over and over again were love and gratitude.

The loss of a 7-year-old child is unthinkable, but I learned early in my life that it happens. One of my Saint Gabriel School classmates died when we were in second grade. It’s difficult to make sense of it. Of course, we want to ask “Why?” even though we know there is no answer to this question. 

In speaking with Myles’ mother this afternoon, I was impressed to hear her tell me that she understood the futility of getting stuck on this question, and that, for her, the focus of her response to Myles’ death has been a slow, but steady transition from unbearable grief to genuine gratitude. She explained that she could easily be angry and focus on all she will miss out on as a mother and all Myles will miss out on in his life. Instead, Melissa chooses to focus on gratitude for the seven years she, Anthony, and the entire Smith family had with Myles.

This is a wonderful lesson which can benefit everyone.  

2 responses to “A Resting Place”

  1. Ellen Dayton Avatar
    Ellen Dayton

    Message Body
    they had their son for 7 years. i only had my husband for 7 years when he died of leukemia. 1975 i had a one year old son. i was 26 years old. and yes i also was angry, asking why and grieving. father jackson in seattle where my husband had been taken for a bone marrow transplant, which was still experimental , did call me for the first couple of weeks after ted’s death to check on me and i said i know what happened i just can’t fathom why. that was a philosophic question. he suggested that i nightly say the ignatian examen and that eventually an answer would surface. my head was going yeah right. but i did it. and after 40 years i did get an answer. i first, back then, decided to take time and go back to school and get a second college degree in something i wanted, agriculture. then i took the life insurance and bought a small apartment building. after i finished school, again, i began to teach what i had learned. i was a flower child who had wanted to be a hippy and save the world environmentally. common sense said you know nothing about how to do this. my sister became a back to the lander and i decided i needed to learn how first. so i because a soil scientist who could also teach because of my first degree in history and english. so i taught resource conservation for 15 years and special ed for 12 years. my science back ground allowed me to get a pharmacy tech and certification so i also worked in health care, in assisted living facilities and their supporting pharmacies. i then brought my aging widowed father down to live in my building where i had him for 10 years.
    and then i retired.
    but i remembered my dad telling me how proud he was of me for how well i had done for myself. i had to stop and think. i, at age 20, was a very dependent woman. educated but needing emotional support, financial support, and critical thinking support. my husband was there as were my parents. and when i wound up alone, i had to learn to do all that for myself. the upshot was that i learned to be able to be the giver , the teacher, the housing provider, the medication administrator, the caregiver, producing mini farmer where i supply food for hungry people , my neighbors and those who live in my building. l learned. i got strong enough to give in stead of needing. i do healthily know how to and when to ask for help , but then i know exactly the parameters of how i use the help.
    could i have answered that situation in 1975. no. so this was my answer. by 2016, when my dad passed away aged 99 + almost 100 years old, i realized this was why my life was this way. i know why now.
    i cannot say it can take that long for somebody else, or that anyone else would actually get an answer to why something untoward happens to us. but in always pushing forward , learning, helping and loving, we generally do get those answers. at least i can hope that for most folks answers do materialize. my husband even knew that the research st. judes was doing and his medical record would be of some help. the answer is out there . maybe it is not what i had planned back in 1975, but yes, i can say it is a good answer to my why did this happen.
    the blessings are there. they will guide us. i have witnessed that.

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    1. Kevin Carroll Avatar
      Kevin Carroll

      Thank you so much for sharing your story, Ellen. It’s been said that we never know how strong we are until we have to be. Your story validates this statement. I was especially pleased to read that you found the Ignatian examen to be a helpful tool for you. It is powerful.

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