“Words are potent weapons
for all causes, good or bad.”
Manly Hall

I remember them. You probably remember them, too — hurtful words that people have said to us or about us. I don’t think anyone is immune from the cruelty of others spewing malicious words with the sole intention of making us feel bad about ourselves. 

This issue is addressed in the old adage: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. This is a lie — one of many lies we are told in our childhood. It may be a convenient response for adults to share when a child has been victimized by verbal abuse from others, but it’s simply not true. 

Even at the ripe old age of 71, I have vivid recollections of unkind words spoken to me by a variety of people at different times in my life — words uttered with no other purpose than to hurt me. I remember hearing them from classmates on the school yard in elementary school. I’ve heard them from teachers in the classroom, coaches on the field,  and neighbors at Homeowner Association meetings. I’ve even been the recipient of vicious words from individuals from whom one would never expect to hear such venomous rhetoric. These words are most likely not remembered by those who verbalized them. For the recipient of such words, however, as much as we might like to forget what was said to us, our memories do not afford such a luxury. Words have a way of sticking in our mind and heart, and having a profoundly negative impact on our spirit.

In his book, The Alien, writer Anoir Ou-Chad wrote, “Hurtful words lacerate the heart. Although it may heal over time, scars will never completely disappear.” It really is remarkable how hurtful words can unexpectedly return to one’s consciousness years after they’ve been uttered. They have the ability to replay in our mind, resurrecting the pain we experienced at the time they were spoken.

A short poem, attributed to Ruby Redfort, the main character in a series of children’s books by Lauren Child, challenges the traditional “Sticks and Stones” rhyme:

Sticks and stones
may break my bones,
but words can
also hurt me.
Stones and sticks
break only skin,
while words are
ghosts that haunt me.

Slant and curved
the word-swords fall,
it pierces and
sticks inside me.
Bats and bricks
may ache through bones,
but words can
mortify me.

Pakistani-Egyptian writer Aisha Mirza wrote, “It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.” Aisha has been there. She understands.

Words, once spoken, are irretrievable. This is a life lesson we should share with children at an early age, and revisit with middle school students, high school students, and again in the young adult years. In fact, this is one of those fundamental life lessons of which we need to be reminded in every stage of life. Sadly, it’s not only kids who use words as weapons.