“Aging is an extraordinary 
process where you 
become the person you 
always should have been.” 
David Bowie

When I was in my twenties and thirties, my vision of the future was quite clear. While I never knew for sure where I was headed, the roadway provided a fairly good sense of where I was going. Retirement has been a totally different experience.

I knew I wanted to write and publish a book. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would write and publish seven of them. Having exceeded my own expectations, I am now in a place where, when I look to the future, the visibility is a bit hazy. Where am I going now? What’s next?

In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl shed some light on this question. He wrote, “Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, though these are things which cannot inspire envy.”

It’s true that we can look back at the life we’ve lived with both pride and sadness. Looking back, however, has little to offer at this point in my life. I am doing my best to look forward, to imagine a preferred future, and to continue to make a positive difference in the world in some way.

It seems, however, that looking back is, to some degree, a necessary requirement of looking ahead. Cheryl Strayed’s comment in her book Tiny Beautiful Things, indicates an absolute need to keep our past in focus. She wrote, “You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the years of grace. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.”

Forgiveness. It’s that simple… or is it? If forgiveness were that simple, I would have mastered the art long ago. I am well aware of the benefits of forgiveness. On more than one occasion I’ve heard, and even shared the adage that to hold onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I get it. Despite knowing these things, I find it incredibly difficult to forgive people in some situations. David Bowie’s words echo in my mind: “…become the person you always should have been.”

Since forgiveness is such a daunting challenge for many of us, perhaps it would be wise not to beat ourselves up over our inability to do so easily. Instead, we can be inspired by the words of Dorothy Day, who said, “The older I get, the more I meet people, the more convinced I am that we must only work on ourselves to grow in grace. The only thing we can do about other people is to love them.” But who, exactly, is “them”?

In the Scriptures, Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. He also tells us to love one another. “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34) I get it. I think, for the most part, I can do these things. But Jesus didn’t stop there.

“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:27-28) Again, the words of David Bowie, come to mind: “…become the person you always should have been.”

Getting older doesn’t necessarily mean that life is getting easier. The challenges confronting us today, while somewhat different than those of our younger years, are no less daunting.