“Of all the words 
of mice and men, 
the saddest are, 
‘It might have been.’” 
Kurt Vonnegut

Given the reality that I am now retired and 72 years of age, it shouldn’t be much of a surprise to know that I occasionally reflect back on what might have been in my life. I do so not with regret, but with wonder. How might my life have been different if I’d chosen a different path?

In the years following my graduation from Saint Ignatius College Preparatory in June 1972, there were a number of career options I considered. Throughout my childhood, and even through my high school years, I assumed I would pursue a career in firefighting in the City of San Francisco. That’s what my Dad did, as did my paternal grandfather.

A totally unexpected opportunity was offered to me in 1974 with an invitation to teach at a high school in The Bahamas for one year. The experience was transformative, but temporary. There was another career path I’d been considering for seven years — a vocation to the Jesuit priesthood. I felt that I needed to pursue that possibility until such time as it was clear whether or not that was my calling.

I entered the Jesuit Novitiate in September 1975. Although I had thought about the possibility of being a Jesuit for many years, there was never a time when I was absolutely confident that priesthood was my calling. I mentioned this to my spiritual director at the Novitiate when I first arrived there. He assured me that I was in a good place to clarify that possibility. It didn’t take long. Though I enjoyed my time in the Novitiate, by February 1976, it was absolutely clear to me that I did not have a calling to ordained ministry.

As I continued my education at Santa Clara University, with the intention of returning to teach in The Bahamas, I was offered a part-time teaching position at Bellarmine College Prep. I taught there for three years while completing my undergraduate degree. Upon my graduation from Santa Clara, I applied to be rehired at Saint Augustine’s College in Nassau. The principal, Mr. Leviticus Adderley, sent me a welcoming letter informing me that I had a teaching position at SAC for the 1979-80 academic year… and beyond. I was ready to pack my bags and go, until another unexpected invitation caught me off-guard and derailed that plan.

The principal at Saint Christopher School in San José, a school to which I had not applied for a job, offered me a teaching position beginning in September 1979. At first, I explained that I had already accepted a position in The Bahamas. Then reality set in. I was renting a house in Santa Clara for well below market value. I had a car. My family and most of my friends were in the San Francisco Bay Area. Before long, the thought of relocating to The Bahamas seemed impractical and unwise, so I regretfully contacted Mr. Adderley, thanked him for the job offer, but explained that I had accepted a teaching job closer to home.

With each of these possibilities I passed up, I have often wondered what might have been. What if I’d accepted the job with the San Francisco Fire Department? I had passed the exam and received a letter in 1978 informing me that I had a job, but I didn’t take it. What if I’d decided to return to Nassau to live and teach there? What if I had stayed in the Jesuits and served as a priest throughout my lifetime? Instead, I ended up teaching in catholic schools and working in pastoral ministry in catholic parishes until June 2021.

While I have enjoyed my life, I absolutely understand Kurt Vonnegut’s words in the quote above. The reality is this: I’ll never know what might have been,… and that’s okay.