“No is a  
complete  
sentence.” 
Anne Lamott

Compassion is a good thing. Helping others is praiseworthy. Lightening the burden for another person can be commendable. As with so many other things in life, it’s all about balance.

Anne Lamott’s five-word sentence quoted above might be the single most useful sentence in any conversation about boundaries. We don’t need a reason to say no. We don’t need to explain our no. And there is no need to feel guilty when our response to a request for help is no. “No” is enough.

Many of us were taught, from our earliest days, to be kind, generous, and helpful. These are all excellent traits. There comes a time, however, when kind, generous, helpful people find that others are taking advantage of them — burdening them with responsibilities or emotional baggage which is not theirs to carry. For this reason, few things are more important to our personal and emotional growth than the ability to set healthy limits — and this often requires that we say “No.”

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha, a self-help site that draws inspiration from thousands of contributors who share their stories and life lessons. She pointed out, “You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.” For some, this is earth-shattering news.

Dr. Henry Cloud, a clinical psychologist, warns his clients, “You get what you tolerate.” Indeed, we do. When we fail to set boundaries, when we allow ourselves to be unnecessarily burdened with the problems, responsibilities, and issues of others, we can easily find ourselves overwhelmed with the weight of that burden, leaving us ill-equipped to deal effectively with our own life challenges.

Paulo Coelho, author of the bestselling book The Alchemist and a number of other publications, wrote, “When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” Why would he say such a thing when making ourselves available to helping those in need is instilled in us at an early age? Maybe his advice follows the same reasoning as the pre-flight instructions on a commercial aircraft to place, in the event of an emergency, an air mask on the child’s face before placing one on your own. As my Bahamian friend, Preston Moss, once told me, “Ya can’t give wat ya ain’t got.”

Setting clear, healthy boundaries is a vital component of self-care. Having clearly defined boundaries is healthy, normal, and necessary in our world today. When we fail to set such boundaries, we leave ourselves vulnerable to burnout. As former Apple CEO Steve Jobs pointed out, “It’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.”

I am certainly not suggesting that we never make ourselves available to help others. We all have a responsibility to do so from time to time. What is critical is that we have boundaries in place, and that we make those boundaries clear to ourselves and to others. Only then will we enable ourselves to manage our time and our lives in a responsible manner.