“People have 
beautiful things 
to say about you, 
but you must 
die first.” 
Fyodor Dostoevsky

I know I’ve written on this topic before, but I am moved to do so again tonight. There is something profoundly sad about the way we often wait until someone dies before saying the things they most deserved to hear while they were alive.

At funerals and memorial services, we speak eloquently about the person we have lost. We tell stories about their kindness, generosity, humor, courage, and love. We describe the difference they made in our lives. We tell their family how much they meant to us. Sometimes we even say, “I wish I had told them.”

Why do we wait?

Perhaps we assume there will always be more time. Perhaps expressing affection makes us uncomfortable. Sometimes pride, old disagreements, or the busyness of everyday life gets in the way. We may appreciate someone deeply without ever realizing that our gratitude needs to be spoken, rather than simply felt. But appreciation that remains unspoken is a gift never delivered.

Imagine how our relationships might change if we began giving people their “flowers” while they were still alive to receive them. What if we told a longtime friend, “Your friendship has been one of the great blessings of my life”? What if we thanked a teacher for believing in us, told a sibling what we admire about them, or reminded an aging parent of the lessons they taught us? Sharing such words might change more than we realize.

Most people carry burdens we cannot see. Even those who appear confident occasionally wonder whether their lives matter. A sincere word of gratitude may arrive on the very day someone desperately needs encouragement. Telling people what they mean to us allows them to see something of themselves through our eyes.

When we express such words of appreciation, something changes within us as well. Expressing gratitude teaches us to pay attention. Instead of focusing on people’s shortcomings, we begin noticing their goodness. Instead of assuming they know we love them, we say it. Instead of postponing kindness, we practice it now.

None of us knows how much time we have with the people we love. Someday there will be a funeral, and there will be beautiful words spoken. But perhaps the greater tribute is to speak some of those words today. Write the note. Make the phone call. Tell someone what you admire about them. Tell them how they have changed your life.

The people we love should not have to die before they discover how much they meant to us. Say it now, while they can still hear it.