“Parting is such 
sweet sorrow.” 
Shakespeare

Kathy and I were at a social event recently when, as we prepared to depart, I suggested that we just leave and not interrupt the conversations of others by going around the room saying goodbye to everyone. We were not in a person’s private home. It was a gathering in a small business in downtown Campbell. Prior to the event, we knew only two of those in attendance. Throughout the evening, we met several other women and men who were, in some way, affiliated with the organization or friends of the owner. There’s a very good chance we’ll never see any of those people again.

I guess Kathy has more refined social skills than I do. She nixed the idea of just walking away, so we went inside and said our goodbyes. I was okay with this. I just didn’t think it was necessary.

A few days later, I came across the words inscribed on the t-shirt in the photo above. I’d never heard the term “Irish goodbye,” and there it was — defined as one might find it in a dictionary.

I should mention that Kathy and I have a long history of prolonged departures from gatherings as we say our goodbyes to everyone with whom we connected at the event. I always thought that’s what we were supposed to do. And, in some ways, I still feel this way. But to read that the Irish goodbye is an art, rather than a social flaw, well, that changes everything.

Would it really matter if, at a large or informal gathering, we just departed without saying goodbye? It’s fairly well-known that the Irish are renowned for their hospitality. An Irish welcome is always warm and friendly. Does this require that our departure from the gathering include the same characteristics?

Maybe the term “Irish goodbye” has its roots in the time of the potato famine when Irish refugees left Ireland abruptly. Or is it possible that the Irish goodbye is a uniquely American thing? When I consider how the first Irish immigrants to America were treated, it might make sense that they would want to live their lives in such a way as to avoid drawing unnecessary attention to themselves.

Perhaps the Irish goodbye got its start in the United States when, in an attempt to avoid the infamously prolonged Irish goodbyes to which they may have become accustomed in their homeland, Irish immigrants would depart without fanfare, rather than engaging in the formalities of their departure.

In doing a little research for this blog post, I realized that the Irish goodbye is not restricted in any way to the Irish. Some people, in referring to this same low-key departure from a gathering, call it ghosting — leaving a social gathering without saying goodbye to anyone. This is such a foreign concept to me, yet, in some ways, I like the idea. The one person I would most likely feel obligated to say goodbye to would be the person who invited me to the gathering. I could, however, simply send a follow-up thank you note expressing my appreciation for their kindness, rather than interrupting a conversation they might be having with someone else just to say my goodbye.

So, where does all this leave me? I suppose I’m beginning to realize that there’s a difference between being polite and feeling obligated to fulfill every social expectation. A warm greeting, a meaningful conversation, and a sincere expression of gratitude for someone’s hospitality might be more than enough. Perhaps the quality of our interactions matters far more than the formality of our departures.