A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • Coping with Sadness

    Therapist Elizabeth Keohan writes, “Sadness doesn’t usually feel good, but it is a very normal emotion, often felt after loss, during a period of pain or transition, or when challenging hardships are on the forefront. It can be a very healthy and normative emotion that’s typically temporary.”

    A person’s sadness could be caused by any number of factors, including relationship issues, personal loss, and stress, to name a few. Fortunately, there are some healthy ways for us to deal with such feelings of sadness. 

    First of all, it’s okay to feel sad. We need to allow ourselves to feel the sadness we are experiencing. Suppressing these feelings, or ignoring them altogether, will only exacerbate the problem.

    Self-care is essential during periods of sadness. When we are feeling out of sorts, it’s important for us to make every effort to get the sleep we need and to eat nutritious meals. Good nutrition can be beneficial to lifting our mood and providing the energy we need to get through the day.

    When we’re feeling down, it’s best to avoid junk food and alcohol. These might provide temporary relief for our sadness, but they can be destructive in the long run. 

    Reaching out to those who love us can be extraordinarily helpful during difficult times. A phone call, text message, or personal visit to someone we trust can prevent our feelings of sadness from becoming overwhelming.

    Journal writing, too, can be a productive activity when you’re feeling sad. Writing your thoughts and feelings can help you to effectively process the emotions you’re experiencing and help you to better understand why you are feeling the way you do.

    For many years, Reader’s Digest Magazine has featured a segment titled “Laughter is the Best Medicine.” When you are sad, you may not feel like laughing, but if you intentionally seek out magazine articles, comedy channels, videos, or books that enable you to laugh for a bit, you might find that your mood starts to improve.

    When I’m feeling melancholy, I often turn to nature. Making the effort to go outside and spend some time in nature can instantly elevate my mood. A walk through a local park, a visit to the San José Rose Garden, or time spent at a place like Hakone Gardens in Saratoga offers a respite from the negativity I’m experiencing at a particular time. Just sitting in the shade of the redwood trees outside my home provides a sense of peace which helps me to cope with life’s challenges.

    Finally, it’s important that we recognize when it’s time to get professional help. If strategies such as those I’ve already mentioned are not helpful, and you recognize that you cannot effectively cope with the sadness on your own, seeking the help of a trained therapist would be both beneficial and wise. Turning to a therapist for help is not a sign of weakness, it is an admission of our vulnerability… and our desire to heal.  

  • Who, me?

    Market Street, San José

    “Drive now. 
    Text later.”

    It happened again on Tuesday morning. I was stopped at a traffic light behind a young woman whose head was down while the stoplight was red. I can only assume she was texting, because when the light turned green, her head did not move… nor did her car. A quick toot of my horn got her to look up, at which time she accelerated sharply and sped up to the next intersection. Again, the light was red, and again, she looked down at her phone. Ironic, since I had snapped the image above at about 7:30 that morning in downtown San José.

    Texting and driving seems to be increasingly common. I would even go so far as to call it an epidemic. Apparently, many drivers are convinced that they are skilled at multi-tasking, so texting and driving is manageable for them. Well, it is… until it isn’t. 

    According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), the average amount of time a driver’s eyes are taken off the road to send or read a text message is five seconds. At 55 miles per hour, a vehicle travels approximately 80 feet per second. In five seconds, it covers about 400 feet — the more than the length of a football field, including the end zones. Can you imagine driving down the street and just closing your eyes for five seconds, regardless of the speed of the vehicle? The thought of it terrifies me.

    There are four main types of distractions to drivers: visual (taking one’s eyes off the road), manual (taking one’s hands off the wheel), auditory (hearing distracting sounds), and cognitive (focusing the mind on something other than driving).  These distractions can occur individually or they can happen in some combination. All of them have the potential to severely reduce the driver’s awareness, thereby increasing the risk of an accident.

    Visual distractions include such things as texting, using a GPS system, checking a phone, or rubbernecking at the scene of a traffic accident. Manual distractions include eating, drinking, or smoking while driving, as well as adjusting in-car systems such as the radio or temperature controls. Auditory distractions are noises from inside or outside the vehicle which hinder a driver’s ability to stay focused on the task of driving. These can include loud conversations, crying or misbehaving children, noisy vehicles in close proximity to the car, or even audio alerts. Finally, cognitive distractions include deep, thoughtful conversations, daydreaming, or a preoccupation with intense thinking about a work or family problem. 

    Of these distractions, it is believed that texting is the most dangerous distraction, because it combines all four types of distractions. 

    We are all at risk from distracted driving any time we’re on the road — or the sidewalk, for that matter. Pedestrians must be vigilant about verifying that an oncoming driver sees them. Drivers today must be aware that there are people texting and driving alongside them on the roadways. While we have no control over the actions of others, we have full control over our own actions. I keep my phone on silent when I’m driving. If I hear the buzz of a text message or phone call coming in, I have two options. (1) I can pull off the road at the earliest opportunity to address the text or call, or (2) I can simply wait until I reach my destination to check on the call and respond to the caller. 

    I share this information today with the hope that, perhaps, I might be able to influence one or two people to put their phone down and keep their eyes on the road. The signs on California highways, you know, the ones we often ignore because we don’t think they apply to us, are powerful: “Stay alive. Don’t text and drive.”

  • Getting Older

    “Aging is an extraordinary 
    process where you 
    become the person you 
    always should have been.” 
    David Bowie

    When I was in my twenties and thirties, my vision of the future was quite clear. While I never knew for sure where I was headed, the roadway provided a fairly good sense of where I was going. Retirement has been a totally different experience.

    I knew I wanted to write and publish a book. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would write and publish seven of them. Having exceeded my own expectations, I am now in a place where, when I look to the future, the visibility is a bit hazy. Where am I going now? What’s next?

    In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl shed some light on this question. He wrote, “Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, though these are things which cannot inspire envy.”

    It’s true that we can look back at the life we’ve lived with both pride and sadness. Looking back, however, has little to offer at this point in my life. I am doing my best to look forward, to imagine a preferred future, and to continue to make a positive difference in the world in some way.

    It seems, however, that looking back is, to some degree, a necessary requirement of looking ahead. Cheryl Strayed’s comment in her book Tiny Beautiful Things, indicates an absolute need to keep our past in focus. She wrote, “You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the years of grace. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.”

    Forgiveness. It’s that simple… or is it? If forgiveness were that simple, I would have mastered the art long ago. I am well aware of the benefits of forgiveness. On more than one occasion I’ve heard, and even shared the adage that to hold onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I get it. Despite knowing these things, I find it incredibly difficult to forgive people in some situations. David Bowie’s words echo in my mind: “…become the person you always should have been.”

    Since forgiveness is such a daunting challenge for many of us, perhaps it would be wise not to beat ourselves up over our inability to do so easily. Instead, we can be inspired by the words of Dorothy Day, who said, “The older I get, the more I meet people, the more convinced I am that we must only work on ourselves to grow in grace. The only thing we can do about other people is to love them.” But who, exactly, is “them”?

    In the Scriptures, Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. He also tells us to love one another. “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34) I get it. I think, for the most part, I can do these things. But Jesus didn’t stop there.

    “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:27-28) Again, the words of David Bowie, come to mind: “…become the person you always should have been.”

    Getting older doesn’t necessarily mean that life is getting easier. The challenges confronting us today, while somewhat different than those of our younger years, are no less daunting. 

  • Try This

    It’s a simple challenge — one you can accept every day of your life. From the time you wake up in the morning, make a conscientious effort to give some type of compliment to (at least) three different people before 3:00 in the afternoon. It’s that simple! Give it a shot. You’ll soon see that you benefit from this strategy, as well.

  • Sharing a Gift

    “We cannot live only 
    for ourselves.” 
    Herman Melville

    Quite regularly, as I walk around the condominium complex where Kathy and I have lived for almost forty years, I reflect on the wisdom of a Chinese proverb: “A good neighbor is a priceless treasure.” We have been blessed with an abundance of good neighbors.

    Sylvia Mathews Burwell, a non-profit executive and former president of American University in Washington, D.C., pointed out what many of us have observed in our own lives. She said, “Day after day, ordinary people become heroes through extraordinary and selfless actions to help their neighbors.” In our condo complex, one such individual is Martha. 

    I mentioned to Martha that I would like to write a blog post about her, and asked if I could take a photo of her working on one of her many gardening projects in the neighborhood (the one on Williams Road in the photo above.) She told me that she would prefer that I not take her photo. She doesn’t want the publicity. I respect that. In fact, Martha was recently selected as the “Volunteer of the Year” at a local library. She declined to receive the award. She wants to make a positive impact on her community, but she has no interest in being recognized for her efforts. She did tell me, however, that she appreciates it when people stop, acknowledge the work she does, and express their gratitude. This is precisely what I did yesterday afternoon.

    While out for a walk in the neighborhood, I noticed a woman carefully pouring water out of a one-gallon jug into a small garden of vegetables in the front yard of what I assumed was her home, just around the corner from our complex. As I passed by, I quipped, “Your garden looks great.” The woman looked up at me. Much to my surprise, I recognized that it was Martha. Apparently, she met one of our neighbors on Daffodil Way a while back and offered to care for her garden — at no cost to the homeowner. Gardening is Martha’s passion… and gift. 

    Martha informed me that she cares for several other private family home gardens in the neighborhood, as well a number of projects on our complex property. It’s what she loves to do, and she does it extraordinarily well.

    I often tell people that I live in a “great” condominium community and that we’ve been blessed with amazing neighbors. The words of Coretta Scott King explain why I feel the way I do. She said, “The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members.”

  • Keep It Local

    “When small  
    businesses succeed,  
    communities thrive.”      
    Duane Fladland

    Kathy and I have lived in our West San José home for almost 40 years. The closest major intersection to our home is Saratoga Avenue & Williams Road. When we moved into our home in October 1986, the intersection was home to a variety of restaurants: Wendy’s, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Bill of Fare, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Carrow’s (just north of this intersection), and Ringer Hut (just south). The night we moved into our home, Kathy and I, along with our 6-month-old son, Tom, enjoyed dinner at Carrow’s. Rarely, if ever, did we visit any of the other establishments. A small Rotten Robbie gas station stood at the southwest corner of the intersection.

    Through the years, much has changed. KFC, Ringer Hut, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, and Carrow’s have all closed. A local Starbucks opened for a few years, then it, too, closed, replaced with a small Mexican restaurant. What was once KFC is also a small Mexican restaurant today. Carrow’s was replaced by Denny’s. Ringer Hut is now a ramen restaurant called Udon Mugizo. Taco Bell and Bill of Fare were razed to enlarge Rotten Robbie to include a convenience store. And Bill of Fare moved into what had been McDonald’s. I enjoyed breakfast there today. 

    The restaurant is under new management. The new owner, Chris, runs the place with help from his son, George. When they took ownership of the business, Chris decided to keep the entire staff from the previous owners. Bill of Fare was a successful restaurant. The food was outstanding and the service was top-notch. Chris realized this and thought it would be wise to change as little as possible. 

    Kathy and I have enjoyed a number of meals at Bill of Fare in recent years. The restaurant is open only for breakfast and lunch. While there are some excellent breakfast places near us (Jack’s on Saratoga Avenue, Bill’s on Stevens Creek Boulevard, along with Mission City Grill and Sara’s Kitchen in Santa Clara, to name a few), I don’t know of anyplace near our home to get a better breakfast. On most days, Chris greets his customers personally when they walk through the doors and shows them to a table. This personal touch, along with Chris’ engaging personality and superb social skills, always gets our meal of to a good start.

    The kitchen staff and servers work hard. Due to the popularity of the restaurant, they are kept incredibly busy with a nonstop flurry of meal orders. The quality of the food is outstanding. The service offered by the employees consistently exceeds expectations.

    Today, I was alone, so I sat at the counter, which offers a view into the busy kitchen. I was impressed by the organization of the meal preparation, the cleanliness of the facility, and the swift pace at which the kitchen staff worked to keep up with the continuous flow of orders. Despite their busyness, a number of workers took time to acknowledge my presence at the counter and greet me warmly.

    Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs believed that “the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” Albert Schweitzer, who made a name for himself as a theologian, writer, and humanitarian, wrote, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” It is clear that Chris, the owner of Bill of Fare, loves what he does. No doubt he is enjoying the success of the business.

    Author Robyn Leichti offered this sage advice: “In a world where you can shop anywhere, shop local.” 

  • Legends

    “Okay, you guys. 
    Pair up in threes.” 
    Yogi Berra

    The first professional baseball game I attended was in the mid-1960s. The San Francisco Giants hosted the Cincinnati Reds at Candlestick Park. The Giants had played in the World Series in 1962. Sadly, they didn’t actually win a World Series in San Francisco until 2010. Then they achieved that feat three times in five years!

    As I sat in my upper-deck seat watching that game in 1965, I had no idea that three of the Giants players on the field that day would become San Francisco legends. Willie McCovey was playing at first base, Orlando Cepeda was stationed in right field, and Willie Mays patrolled center field. McCovey and Mays played with the Giants throughout the 1960s. Cepeda was traded to the Saint Louis Cardinals in May 1966. All three are now memorialized with statues outside Oracle Park, the current home of the San Francisco Giants.

    Willie McCovey occasionally shared pearls of wisdom about lessons he’d learned from playing baseball. He once said, “It’s not what you achieve in life, it’s what you overcome that really matters.” On another occasion, he offered this advice, which applies to life well beyond the foul lines of a baseball field: “Embrace competition; it brings out the best in you and your teammates.”

    Orlando Cepeda, too, shared some valuable thoughts. He said, “A true champion is not only judged by their performance on the field, but how they carry themselves off the field.” Cepeda acknowledged that much of the success he enjoyed in his career was due to his teammates. He said, “Baseball is a team sport, and without them, I wouldn’t have been able to achieve what I did.”

    A display at the National Baseball Hall of Fame says this about Willie Mays: “Willie Mays, the ‘Say Hey Kid,’ played with enthusiasm and exuberance while excelling in all phases of the game — hitting for average and power, fielding, throwing, and base running.” Mays often spoke of the need for athletes to prepare well and work hard. He once said, “In order to excel, you must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport. You must also be prepared to work hard and be willing to accept constructive criticism.” One thing that was clear to those who watched Mays play ball is that he loved what he did. “I just played every day and enjoyed what I was doing.” 

    When Giants fans reflect back on the the past twenty-six years of baseball at what is now known as Oracle Park (originally PacBell Park), they will remember players such as Buster Posey, Madison Bumgarner, Barry Bonds, Pablo Sandoval, and Matt Cain. When they think about the forty years the Giants played at Candlestick Park, they will certainly remember Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, and Orlando Cepeda.

    Candlestick Park
    1965

  • Gridlock

    “If you don’t like  
    something, change it.  
    If you can’t change it,  
    change your attitude.”
    Maya Angelou

    When I moved from my childhood home in San Francisco to San José to attend college in 1972, traffic in the Santa Clara Valley was not an issue. Construction of highway 280, from Highway 17 through downtown San José to Highway 101, was nearing completion. Highways 85 and 87 did not yet exist. Despite this, traffic in San José was manageable.

    Today, even with the addition of 280, 85, and 87, traffic during commute hours is problematic. And it’s not just the highways. The Almaden, Capitol, Lawrence, and San Tomas Expressways are often congested. Main arteries through city streets — Saratoga Avenue, Hamilton Avenue, Blossom Hill Boulevard, Tully Road, Santa Clara Street, and Stevens Creek Boulevard to name a few — are regularly gridlocked during commute hours.

    The South Bay often brags about the development of Silicon Valley and all the tech giants who call this area home. Yes, their stories of success and prosperity are impressive, but the infrastructure of this area is not keeping pace with the growth.

    American spiritual leader and writer, Frederick Lenz, wrote, “Life is learning how to deal with traffic. It requires patience, a good sense of timing, and sometimes not giving in to the traffic, but reshaping your life.” 

    This is consistent with the words of author Jim Rohn, who wrote, “You cannot change the circumstances, but you can change yourself.”

    Saturday Night Live legend, Gilda Radner, once said, “Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.”

    While I’ve learned to adapt to the reality of this situation by scheduling my days in such a way that I’m not on the roads from 7:30 to 9:30 a.m. and 4:30 to 7:30 p.m., I occasionally find myself right in the middle of the chaos. Yesterday was one of those days.

    Kathy and I wanted to attend our grandson’s Little League baseball game at at the Spartan Little League field on Tully Road. We started out on 280. Congested. Kathy’s GPS recommended transitioning to Highway 17 (congested), then to Highway 101 (congested). When we finally arrived at Tully Road (congested), the six-minute drive from there to the ball field took almost fifteen minutes.

    This experience really didn’t bother me as it might have in the past. This is due to the fact that I’ve embraced the advice of American author and motivational speaker, Wayne Dyer, who said, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” 

    I always have the option to stay home.

  • Campbell, CA

    “All year round, there’s 
    always something going 
    on in downtown Campbell.”
    downtowncampbell.com

    As I wandered down East Campbell Avenue in downtown Campbell, California this morning, a strange thought crossed my mind: Retirement is not over-rated!

    It was about 10:45 on a Thursday morning. There was a time when I would have been in the middle of teaching my third period class. I don’t do that anymore — and I don’t miss it. My teaching career was challenging, enjoyable, and fulfilling… until it wasn’t. In the spring of 2015, for a number of reasons, I knew it was time to pack it up and vacate Room 3 at Saint Lawrence Academy. Despite the 31 years I had devoted to working at Saint Lawrence, changes in leadership left me feeling unappreciated and unwanted. Life can be that way sometimes. I terminated my employment with the school at the start of June 2015.

    It’s been almost eleven years since I made that transition. Those years have not been easy. To this day, I have frequent nightmares about my experiences at the school during my last ten years of employment. In my waking hours, I have convinced myself that what’s done is done and that there is no longer any reason for me to hold onto resentment. The nocturnal hours, however, continue to bring those memories to my attention. This has resulted in many a sleepless night.

    Today, however, walking in downtown Campbell, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. My career is over. I did my best. There are those who appreciate the effort I put in to my work, and there are others who, for whatever reason, were unable to do so. How people perceived me then, and how they remember me now (if they do at all), is completely out of my control. So I embrace the feeling of gratitude — for what was, and for what is.

    Downtown Campbell is one of my happy places. A number of upscale restaurants seem to be quite popular, despite their pricey menus. I’ve never been a fancy restaurant kind of person. I prefer eateries that are simple, affordable, and user-friendly. So where do I like to hang out in the Orchard City?

    In the downtown area, I like the Orchard Valley Coffee Shop, a local institution which serves a wide variety of beverages, meals, and baked goods in a comfortable, community-friendly setting. Aqui Cal-Mex Mexican restaurant is a great place to enjoy some fresh-Mex dishes. Manresa Bread Company offers an excellent assortment of sandwiches, breads, and pastries. Stack’s is a great place to enjoy breakfast, while Sushi Confidential provides a wide array of Japanese menu items. 

    I also enjoy perusing the selections at Recycle Bookstore and the Therapy Store, which carries a little bit of everything. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my favorite business in all of downtown Campbell — the Campbell Creamery. I treat myself to an ice cream there more often than I should.

    Not far from downtown Campbell is the Pruneyard Shopping Center (click the link to see what’s there) and The Garret of Campbell, a fixture in the community since 1970. Their burgers, sandwiches, salads, and pizza rock. 

    Yes, being retired is nice. So, too, is having the time and resources to be able to enjoy all that a place like downtown Campbell has to offer.

  • Inner Strength