A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker, primarily on the topic of gratitude.

    I currently live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

  • “No”vember

    “‘No’ is a 
    complete sentence.” 
    Ann Lamott

    It’s one of those things I’ve done more times than I would like to admit — saying “Yes” to something I really had no desire to do, or without giving it sufficient thought. Can you watch my dog for a few days?… Hey, could you pick me up in Sunnyvale on Tuesday afternoon and drive me to my therapy appointment in Oakland?… You wanna get together for lunch next Saturday?… Are you available to help me move a refrigerator from my brother’s house in Los Gatos to my new apartment in Fremont?… Will you serve on the Board of Directors of my nonprofit?… Would you serve as Director of Athletics next year?

    Generally speaking, I want to help people whenever possible. I want to be a good friend, a good neighbor, a good employee, a good guy. So through the years, I’ve committed myself to doing many things that I just didn’t want to do — and once I commit, I usually follow through,… but not always. Not anymore. It took a while, but I’ve finally acknowledged to myself that time is a valuable commodity, and it’s up to me to manage my time more efficiently and effectively. 

    It’s a common misunderstanding that “No” is a purely negative response. That’s certainly one way to see it. It’s also possible to recognize that saying “No” to some things we are asked to do is an essential way of saying “Yes” to ourselves and our personal well-being. Too many unintentional “yeses” can leave us feeling overwhelmed and unnecessarily stressed.

    One unfortunate reality is that many people believe that they should do just about everything anyone asks them to do. Saying “No,” especially to someone we care about, can be difficult. Psychologist Manuel J. Smith reminds us, “You have the right to say “No” without feeling guilty.” Well,… we may have the right, but for many, it’s still not an easy thing to do.

    Setting boundaries is a life skill many of us need to improve upon. Without boundaries, we set ourselves up to be used and taken advantage of by others. It is incumbent upon us to make our boundaries clear — first of all, to ourselves, then to others. And if anyone is offended by the boundaries you set, perhaps they are the reason you needed those boundaries in the first place. Musician Phil Good observed, “When someone oversteps your boundaries, they’re letting you know that what you want doesn’t matter.” Think about that.

    It is essential for us to learn to say “No” without feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care, and self-care is not selfish. It’s not always easy for us to do, but we must learn to respect and care for ourselves, even if it means disappointing others from time to time. A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. It’s possible to be a good person with a kind heart and still say “No.”

    If you haven’t mastered this skill before now, it’s time to begin saying “No” to those things (and people) that drain you of your energy, and “Yes” to the things (and people) that fill you up and energize you. Julia Ubbenga is the creator of the popular blog Rich in What Matters. Her advice is priceless: “Our homes and our lives only have a certain amount of space. It’s our job to choose carefully what we allow to fill them.” 

  • November 14

    Reflection Question of the Day for November 14: 

    “What did you learn from the most difficult part of selecting your career path for which you are grateful today?”

    Excerpt from: 

    A Focus on Gratitude
    Kevin Carroll
    (Balboa Press, 2024)

  • Reading with Henry

    AI generated photo

    “If you can read, you can learn 
    anything about everything and 
    everything about anything.” 
    Tomie dePaola

    Emilie Buchwald is a retired writer and editor from the Midwest. She once declared, and I agree wholeheartedly, that “Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.” I’m sure Ms. Buchwald would agree that grandparents can serve this treasured purpose, as well.

    Despite what I like to think about being gifted with an exceptional memory, I have no vivid recollections of my parents reading to me in my childhood. I’m sure they did, but I don’t remember it happening. What I do recall is being sent to my room “to read” when I got into trouble. Once inside my room, rarely, if ever, did I actually do any reading. Kate DiCamillo, a prolific writer of books for children, offered an insightful warning about this. She said, “Reading should not be presented to children as a chore, a duty. It should be offered as a gift.” For whatever reason, I did not embrace a love for reading until my adult years.

    When our boys were growing up, Kathy did more of the reading to them than I did. Our home was filled with children’s books, and our boys loved them. Some of them we read so many times that, even today, we can readily recite the text: “Pickle things you never see, like pickles on a Christmas tree…” As they got older, I recall sitting at their bedside reading Shel Silverstein poems and The Cremation of Sam McGee time and time again. They loved it when I read to them! I also remember reading aloud entire books over a period of time, including The Cay by Theodore Taylor. As I reflect back on those years, I wish I had devoted even more time to reading both to and with them.

    While The Cay is recommended reading for children in grades 4 to 8, the book was banned in some places due to it’s portrayal of Timothy, a Black man who played a major role in the book. Banned? I firmly agree with Maya Angelou, who said, “Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him.”

    In my retirement years, I have had much more time to read — for myself and with my grandkids. All five our our little ones have thoroughly enjoyed reading books, especially when we sit and read to and with them. Today, Henry and I sat in a chair in the living room and read five of his favorite children’s books — some of them more than once. He seemed to enjoy it immensely, and it was time with him that I cherished. It began when he randomly pulled a book off the bookshelf of kids’ books, walked over to where I was sitting, handed it to me, and climbed up onto my lap. How could I resist? Why would I resist? It was the highlight of my day!

    Reading to our grandkids is one of the most fulfilling experiences of my entire life. I’m not sure who enjoyed today more,… Henry or me? 

  • November 13

    Reflection Question of the Day for November 13: 

    “What is the kindest thing someone has said to you in the past month? How did you express your gratitude for their kind words?”

    Excerpt from: 

    A Focus on Gratitude
    Kevin Carroll
    (Balboa Press, 2024)

  • November 12

    Reflection Question of the Day for November 12: 

    “What can you do for someone today to show them that you care about them and are grateful for their presence in your life?”

    Excerpt from: 

    A Focus on Gratitude
    Kevin Carroll
    (Balboa Press, 2024)

  • November 11

    Reflection Question of the Day for November 11: 

    “There are many things we all take for granted in life. For what reason(s) are you grateful for the existence of first-responders (police officers, firefighters, paramedics, etc.) in your life?”

    Excerpt from: 

    A Focus on Gratitude
    Kevin Carroll
    (Balboa Press, 2024)

  • Conversations

    [AI generated image. No, that is not me!]

    “Simple conversation 
    turns strangers into 
    acquaintances.”
    Jim Manney

    I can be a bit of an extrovert, though not in every situation. There are times when I prefer to stand back and observe what’s happening around me without being the center of attention. Generally speaking, however, my natural tendency is to engage in conversation with just about anyone I encounter throughout my day.

    As author Jim Manney stated, “Simple conversation turns strangers into acquaintances.” Simple conversation opens the door to the possibility of getting to know someone I might otherwise not have had the opportunity to know. I have found it to be a valuable social skill.

    Living in Silicon Valley, I encounter many people who are not from here. They might be high tech workers from the East Coast, the Midwest, the Pacific Northwest, or one of the southern states. They might also be from Mexico, Iran, the Ukraine, the Philippines, Ireland, Columbia, India, Japan, El Salvador, China, Spain, Vietnam, or any number of other countries. I’ve been told by many people I’ve met that it’s unusual for them to meet someone who is “from here,” meaning the greater San Francisco Bay Area. When we engage in conversation, there is so much for me to learn from them about their culture, their families, their careers, and their lived experience. 

    Being a native San Franciscan, it is a common occurrence for me to meet people I don’t know who were born and raised in The City and with whom I have mutual friends or experiences. The predictable first question of a conversation between two native San Franciscans is “So where’d you go to school?” Both know that the question is asking which high school in The City they attended. More often than not, this opens the door to lively conversations about shared experiences, mutual acquaintances, and cherished memories.  

    It has been said about me that I could “carry on a conversation with a fire hydrant.” (Now who would have said that???) The funny thing is, I can’t disagree. Yes, engaging in conversation with just about anyone is something with which I am incredibly comfortable. I’ve always been this way, which is why, in the 1960s, one of my elderly neighbors on 38th Avenue in The City bestowed upon me the unofficial title of The Ambassador of 38th Avenue. I went out of my way, even as a young boy, to interact with my neighbors.

    Perhaps not all would agree, but I consider this ability to be a God-given gift. I am energized by meeting new people. Conversations with neighbors and friends, for the most part, are enjoyable and life-giving. Those simple, initial opportunities to chit-chat with people upon first meeting them open the door to the possibility of deeper, more meaningful conversations in the future. For this, I am grateful.

  • November 10

    Reflection Question of the Day for November 10: 

    “What is one thing for which you can be grateful today?”

    Excerpt from: 

    A Focus on Gratitude
    Kevin Carroll
    (Balboa Press, 2024)

  • November 9

    Reflection Question of the Day for November 9: 

    “When was the last time you reflected on the gift of your emotions? Whether you are blessed with the ability to feel loved, appreciated, and secure, or struggle with such things as anger, hopelessness, or feelings of alienation, how can you experience your emotions with a sense of genuine gratitude?”

    Excerpt from: 

    A Focus on Gratitude
    Kevin Carroll
    (Balboa Press, 2024)

  • The Power of “Yet”

    “What a wonderful thought 
    it is that some of the best 
    days of our lives haven’t 
    even happened yet.”
    Anne Frank

    Yet is a tiny, but powerful word. It has the ability to convert negativity into positivity. How so, you might ask? Here are a few examples:

    The researcher who tells a colleague, “I don’t get it” can add the simple word “yet” to the end of the statement to indicate that there is hope for the future. “I don’t get it… yet.”

    The employee who turns to her supervisor in frustration and complains, “I can’t do this” would be better off including the word “yet” at the end of her sentence, reflecting the expectation that it’s just a matter of time. “I can’t do this… yet.”

    The child who, out of frustration, hopelessly blurts out to a parent, “I’m not good at this” could project a much more positive attitude by simply adding the word “yet” to the comment. “I’m not good at this yet…, but I will be if I continue to practice and don’t give up.”

    Even teachers can project a negative attitude when confronted with a challenging question by an inquisitive student. “I don’t know” indicates to the student that the teacher doesn’t care. “I don’t know yet, but I’ll find out and let you know” exudes positivity.

    Anyone who has ever purchased furniture from IKEA might have reached the point, while attempting to put an item together at home, where he cried out, “This doesn’t work!” Perhaps, a good, close look at the directions (you know, that little packet of information contained in the package which most men ignore, because we think we don’t need it) could result in the person saying, “This doesn’t work yet, but it will when I have a better idea of what I’m doing.”

    I recall, quite vividly, sitting in my third grade math class at Saint Gabriel School in San Francisco and complaining, “I don’t understand this” while practicing subtraction problems which involved borrowing. Fortunately, my teacher, Sister Mary Roberta, understood the power of the word “yet.” She invited me to meet with her in the visitors’ parlor in the convent after school where she worked with me on subtraction problems until I mastered the skill.

    There are times in our lives when we want something that we cannot have at that particular time. We can shut down and give up on the possibility of ever attaining that which we desire, or we can add the word “yet” and see the possibilities in pursuing our dream. “I can’t have it yet, but…”

    Maintaining a positive attitude is not always easy, but it’s always possible.