A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • It’s the Vibe

    “Coffee is truly  
    a brain stimulant.”
    Voltaire

    The posted question asked, “How old were you when you started drinking coffee?” Well, I’m 71 now. I’ll be 72 in June. I’m unable to answer the question, because I still have not started drinking coffee. I am repulsed by the taste, though I thoroughly enjoy the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee. Go figure.

    With that said, I savor opportunities to hang out in local coffee shops. I’m sorry, but Starbucks, Peet’s, and Phils’ just don’t do it for me. I have mentioned in previous blog posts about my love for the two Java Beach Café locations in San Francisco. Here in the South Bay, my favorite local coffee establishment is Orchard Valley Coffee in downtown Campbell.

    Similar to what I have experienced at Java Beach, Orchard Valley has a unique vibe which seems to attract good people. Most, I would think, go for the coffee. I’ve heard that it’s very good. Others spend time there visiting with friends, reading, or writing. Of course, they serve more than just coffee.

    When I’m there in the morning hours, I normally order hot tea. Every now and then, I’ll treat myself to a hot chocolate. Later in the day, I enjoy a cup of their cold Italian soda, into which they infuse one of a wide selection of flavors. Yesterday, for the first time, I tried coconut. I think I like the mango flavor better.

    Orchard Valley offers a dangerous variety of baked goods, as well as a nice assortment of sandwich options. The prices are reasonable, the service is exceptional, and (yes, this is important to me) the rest room is clean. With tables and wooden chairs, comfortable cushioned chairs, and even a large couch, the options for seating offer something for everyone. There is even an option to sit on a bench or at a table with chairs outside the café on the sidewalk. 

    Over the past few years, I have done a fair amount of reading and writing at Orchard Valley. It’s a little different than my Java Beach experience in that it’s unusual for me to run into people I know. Every now and then, I’ll see a familiar face, and from time to time, I have the opportunity to meet someone new. For the most part, however, people who visit Orchard Valley alone seem to prefer being alone, and those who arrive with friends devote their time and attention to them. This makes for an ideal writing venue.

    Yesterday was an amazing day in downtown Campbell. At 2:00 in the afternoon, the outside temperature was 73º, so some of the large, sliding windows of the café were open, allowing fresh air to permeate the environment. I sat at a table near one of the open windows. With my Italian soda and a chocolate chip cookie on the table to my right, I enjoyed two hours of uninterrupted writing.

    Getting back to Voltaire’s quote at the top of this piece, I wonder if coffee is a brain stimulant only when consumed,… or if just the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee might have the same effect?

    My table at OVC yesterday.

  • Lunch with Brian

    “There is nothing on this
    earth more to be prized
    than true friendship.” 
    Thomas Aquinas

    Brian went to Riordan High School in San Francisco. I went to Saint Ignatius. Some might think such a combination would not make for a good relationship, but my friendship of more than forty years with Brian Mark has proven that true friends can overcome any obstacles.

    I didn’t know Brian in my high school years. We met in August 1984 when I began working with the young adult ministry group at Saint Lawrence the Martyr Parish in Santa Clara. Brian was one of about twenty active members of the group when I arrived. He impressed me from day one.

    Brian is soft-spoken, kind, and generous. He is one of the most thoughtful people I’ve ever known. His concern for those around him, including those living on the margins of society in the Santa Clara Valley, has been clearly evident to anyone who knows him. And here, in the midst of the opulence of Silicon Valley, where people are often judged by the car they drive, the neighborhood in which they live, or the brand of their wrist watch, Brian has chosen to live a life of simplicity. He has done so, not because of a shortage of funds, but because that’s just who he is — a man of integrity.

    Brian worked for close to forty years in the tax assessor’s office of Santa Clara County. Rather than driving to work from his Santa Clara condo each morning, Brian chose to use public transportation. He replaced his truck after thirty years, not because it had mechanical issues, but because parts for the truck were no longer available, even though the vehicle had relatively low mileage and was in excellent condition. He didn’t sell the truck. He gave it away.

    About once each month, Brian and I get together for lunch. We’ve tried a number of different restaurants, but Brian’s dietary restrictions limit the options for us a bit. We seem to have settled on The Garret Station on Winchester Boulevard in Los Gatos. They serve a variety of burgers, sandwiches, salads, quesadillas, and pizza. The food is always good at The Garret Station, and, most always, it’s quiet enough at lunch time for two older guys to engage in meaningful conversation.

    Today Brian and I will enjoy our February lunch. I never worry about what we’re going to talk about. Without any agenda or script, we are always able to easily carry on a conversation of value for almost two hours. Of course, like most guys our age, some of what we discuss has to do with physical ailments, prescription drugs, medical appointments, and such. Fortunately, we always find more substantive topics to discuss, as well. I find my conversations with Brian to be consistently interesting and informative, and occasionally challenging. I am grateful for his friendship.

     

  • Why The City?

    Sunset Boulevard

    “Your journey has molded  
    you for your greater good,  
    and it was exactly  
    what it needed to be.”     
    Aysha Tyson 

    I am often asked why I go to San Francisco so often. I’m never quite sure how to answer the question, because there are so many different reasons I enjoy spending time in The City. The most obvious, I guess, is that it is my birthplace. From birth to the age of 18, I lived in The Sunset District on 38th Avenue between Vicente and Wawona Streets. 

    I attended preschool (“Tiny Tots”) at South Sunset Playground at 40th & Vicente, kindergarten at Ulloa Annex at 38th & Ulloa, and grades one through eight at Saint Gabriel School at 41st & Ulloa. I graduated high school at Saint Ignatius College Prep at 37th & Pacheco. 

    In my early years, when I was old enough to ride my bike around the neighborhood, my mother informed me that my boundaries were Sloat Boulevard to the south, the Great Highway to the west, Sunset Boulevard to the east, and Lincoln Way to the north. That rectangle of civilization is, for the most part, where I spent my formative years.   

    I moved away from The Sunset District to attend college in the South Bay. That was in August of 1972. Although that was more than fifty years ago, I have vivid memories of many of the people and experiences I encountered during that time of my life. I feel a tremendous sense of peace revisiting the neighborhood.

    I have also reconnected with old friends and met a number of new friends who grew up in, or currently live in, The Sunset District. Two of my favorite hang-out spots in The City are the two Java Beach Café locations, the original at the corner of Judah & LaPlaya, the other at 45th & Sloat. Each has a different vibe, but both are places I feel very much at home. Almost without fail, at either location, I run into someone I know, someone I knew years ago, someone with whom I have a mutual friend, or someone who went to one of the schools I attended. On some visits to The City, I enjoy an early-morning breakfast at Java Beach on Judah and interact with others hanging out there. Then I walk along Sunset Dunes Park (the old Great Highway) to the Java Beach on Sloat for lunch. On other visits, I simply reverse the order. I always have a book with me, just in case I don’t have the opportunity to engage in conversation with others. Java Beach is like my home away from home. 

    I mentioned Sunset Dunes Park. From Sloat Boulevard to Lincoln Way, it’s a comfortable two-mile walk along the Pacific Ocean. The fresh ocean air, the views of the water and Mount Tamalpias to the north, and the friendliness of most park users makes the experience one I look forward to every visit. 

    When I drive to The City, I usually park my car at the center median on Sloat at 45th, directly across from Java Beach. It’s free parking all day and it’s in a high-visibility area, so the car tends to be safe there. When I take the train to San Francisco, I walk across the street from the CalTrain station at 4th & King and hop on the “N” Judah streetcar. That particular location, on the center median, is the first stop for the westbound “N” car. Then I sit back and enjoy a ride across The City to the last stop at 48th & Judah, one short block from Java Beach. It doesn’t get more convenient than that. 

    Of course, I don’t always limit my City visits to The Sunset District. I also enjoy walking along the Embarcadero, through the Marina, around Noe Valley and Glen Park, and through Golden Gate Park. So many options!

    One of my favorite experiences in The City now is watching the sun descend upon the horizon from Ocean Beach. I grew up a mere ten blocks from the beach, yet rarely, if ever, did I take the time or make an effort to go down there to enjoy a sunset. Only as I began to consciously embrace gratitude in my life did I realize that the beauty of a sunset exists only when we make an effort to enjoy it as a moment of wonder and awe.

    Jesuit poet Gerard Manley Hopkins said it best when he wrote, “The world is charged with the grandeur of God.”

     

  • Monday 02/02

  • When Friends Die

    “The grieving begins 
    the moment you 
    hear the news.” 
    Harold Ivan Smith

    Every morning, I receive an email which includes the obituaries of those who have died in the San Francisco Bay Area. Before the era of email, I used to get this information by reading the daily newspaper. As far back as my college years, I recall scanning the obits for familiar names. On a fairly regular basis, I would recognize a name and read the obituary, which often confirmed that it was someone my parents knew or, perhaps, the grandparent of someone I knew. 

    As time went on, the familiar names were often those of the parents of people I knew. In recent years, however, I’ve noted that many of those who have died are my age or younger. Not surprisingly, every now and then, the name of someone I grew up with shows up. Today was another one of those days. My Saint Gabriel School classmate, Jeanette Stark, died unexpectedly last month. Today’s obituary announced the services planned for her next week.

    The death of a classmate is nothing new for members of the Saint Gabriel Class of 1968. Before we graduated from eighth grade, we lost three of our classmates — one in second grade and two in fifth grade. Through the years, we’ve lost several more. Today’s announcement of Jeanette’s death was yet another reminder of our own mortality.

    I cannot claim to have been close friends with Jeanette. Since our graduation in June 1968, I’ve seen her once — at our 50th class reunion in 2018. What I remember about Jeanette is that she was one of the nicest girls in our class. Taller than the other girls, and many of the boys, too, Jeanette was a calming, friendly presence amidst the chaos of our junior high years. I recall her as being consistently kind, considerate, helpful, and compassionate towards those of us who struggled in those years. 

    When I saw Jeanette at our reunion eight years ago, I was impressed to see that she was still very much as I remembered her. My conversation with her was brief, but she was incredibly cordial. After graduating from the University of San Francisco School of Nursing, Jeanette had a long, successful career, much of it working at the San Francisco Veterans Administration Medical Center on Clement Street. I can only imagine what a gift she must have been to that community.

    This Sunday, I will be getting together with about a dozen of my eighth grade classmates for lunch at Capurro’s Restaurant on Fisherman’s Wharf. This is something we do at the beginning of each calendar year. Through the rest of the year, we gather for picnics now and then. I am grateful for the women and men with whom I have reconnected from my elementary school days. I expect that all who attend Sunday’s gathering will do so with an increased awareness of how fortunate we are to continue to get together. No longer can we take anyone’s presence in our life for granted. 

  • Jesuit Retreat Center

    “In every walk with nature  
    one receives far more  
    than he seeks.” 
    John Muir

    It’s a hidden gem tucked-away in the hillside above the town of Los Altos, California. The Jesuit Retreat Center of Los Altos, formerly known as El Retiro San Inigo, is a perfect venue for weekend retreats, conferences, individual reflection, and spiritual direction. Over the past fifty years, I’ve attended a number of retreats at the JRC, some alone, some with Kathy, some with friends, and a few with my Dad. 

    The most memorable retreat I attended there was in November 2006. I signed up for a weekend retreat titled A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude. Much to my surprise, it turned out be be a life-changing experience. Since that time, I have been blogging about gratitude, I’ve written and published three books on the topic of gratitude, and I’ve had the opportunity to speak on the topic of gratitude in churches, schools, libraries, retirement centers, and for community groups such as the YMCA Youth Leadership Development Conference. I’ve also directed retreats on the topic of gratitude for the nursing staff of the Immediate Care Nursery at Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital at Stanford and for the faculty of Saint Leo the Great School in San José.

    Other retreats I attended at the Jesuit Retreat Center touched on the topics of marriage, conscious aging, discerning God’s will in our retirement, grief, the saints of summer, Ignatian discernment, and, most recently, forgiveness.

    A weekend away from the commitments of home, family, work, and other distractions in our life is time well-spent. The $320 fee for a Friday through Sunday retreat includes two nights lodging in a private room with a private bathroom, six excellent meals, the retreat sessions, access to the 36-acre property, access to the bookstore, and the availability of snacks and beverages throughout the weekend. While the fee may seem prohibitive at first glance, considering all you get for the fee, it’s quite affordable.

    Click here to see the list of upcoming retreats in 2026: Schedule of Retreats

  • Monday, 01/26

  • Sunday Morning

  • Seeking Clarity

    Jesuit Retreat Center – Los Altos, CA

    “It takes courage to  
    face and overcome  
    powerful emotions.” 
    Desmond Tutu

    As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog post, I’m on retreat this weekend, so I want to keep this short.

    Last night, at the opening session, the retreat leader, Fr. Jim Voiss, S.J., invited us to recall an experience in our lives with which we struggle to forgive. He challenged us to probe the event with humility and honesty. These seven questions were provided to help us get started.

    1. What happened?
    2. Who else was involved?
    3. How did you feel about what happened?
    4. What was your initial reaction?
    5. Were you satisfied with your response?
    6. How has the event impacted your relationships?

    I’ve had more than just a few painful experiences from which to choose. Forgiveness has never been my strength. I finally settled on one situation with which I continue to struggle. I considered each of the six questions above as they pertain to this particular event. This exercise wasn’t difficult until I read question #7. For this question, I am struggling to come up with a response.

    7. Why do you suppose this experience affected you the way it did?

    I took this question to bed with me last night. I was hoping that, perhaps in a dream, I might come to some understanding of why this particular experience continues to hurt me? I had dreams last night, but none of them seemed to be related to the challenge of forgiveness.

    We begin Day 2 of the retreat at 9:00 this morning. Throughout the day, I will also have a good amount of unstructured time for reflection. Maybe I’ll have a breakthrough at some point and be enlightened as to why I have allowed this particular incident, and others like it, to have such control over me for so long. 

    I’m here this weekend for a reason. I don’t quite know what that reason is, but I feel strongly that I have been called to be here and to confront my struggles with forgiveness. I have no grandiose expectations. I simply hope to gain some insights and skills to better cope with some of the negative feelings associated with experiences which have caused enigmatic pain in my life.

  • Forgiveness

    “He who is devoid  
    of the power to forgive  
    is devoid of the power  
    to love.”
    Martin Luther King, Jr.

    It’s a popular phrase with which you are probably familiar. “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Though its exact origin is debated, this popular quote is often attributed to Buddha. It contains a pearl of wisdom from which we could all benefit.

    Forgiveness is a decision. It’s a decision to release ourselves from the pain we experience from being hurt by others. This is not the same as reconciliation. Reconciliation is a mutual effort to restore a relationship and rebuilding the trust which previously existed in that relationship. The difference between the two matters. 

    Forgiveness does not require you to immediately trust again. It does not even require that you allow the other person back into relationship with you. The purpose of forgiveness is to restore peace within yourself. It still allows you to set boundaries with the other person. While reconciliation is a mutual commitment to restore trust and resume the relationship, forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. In reality, it has little to do with the other person or people involved.

    Author Lewis B. Smedes tells us, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” This, in itself, should be motivation enough for us to be willing to offer forgiveness to those who have harmed us.

    Another author, Marianne Williamson, wrote, “The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” Powerful words which may give us the strength we need to offer forgiveness to others. 

    T. D. Jakes, an American pastor and motivational speaker, offered this advice on the topic of forgiveness: “I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself.” While it can be challenging to accept Jakes’ words, the truth in what he says has the potential to set us free.

    “You can forgive someone and still not want to have anything to do with them,” writes author Karen Salmansohn. “Forgiveness is about freeing yourself of pain in your present. It’s not about making room for someone painful in your future.”

    There seems to be a common theme running through these various words of wisdom.  

    Lebanese-Canadian author Najwa Zebian offers this warning: “Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing.” Now we’re getting to a higher level of response, one which reflects my understanding of what love truly is — seeking the highest good for the other person.

    According to the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, led by Dr. Frederic Luskin, forgiveness has been linked to a number of mental health benefits. These benefits include reductions in stress, anger, depression, and anxiety. Forgiveness contributes to our ability to engage in positive healthy relationships. 

    Most of us struggle with forgiving someone in our life. It’s time for us to do ourselves a favor and give ourselves the gift of peace by forgiving those who have harmed us. Yes, it’s a counter-cultural concept, but the research on the health benefits of forgiveness are overwhelming.

    I will be attending a weekend retreat on the topic of forgiveness beginning this afternoon. One of my 2026 goals is to focus on forgiving those who have made life difficult for me at one time or another. I don’t expect this to be an easy process. In fact, I’m not sure I’ll be able to successfully reach a point where I am able to forgive some individuals. Like so many other areas of life, I’m simply going to do the best I can and take it one day at a time.