A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • When “Negative” is Good

    “The voice of the sea
    speaks to the soul.”
    ~ Chopin

    I spent the day in San Francisco yesterday. My elementary school was celebrating its 75th anniversary with an afternoon reception on campus. I arrived in The City early enough to park my car by the school and walk up to The Tennessee Grill at 22nd & Taraval to enjoy a bowl of oatmeal and an English muffin prior to the anniversary event. Walking down Taraval Street on my way back to the school offered me a peaceful view of the Pacific Ocean.

    I departed the school campus at 6:30 p.m. and headed directly down to Ocean Beach at the end of Sloat Boulevard. This has become a regular stop for me when I visit The City. There is something special about being at the ocean. Throughout my life, I’ve heard people comment on how much they enjoy breathing “the ocean air.” I didn’t think much of it in my childhood, since that’s about all I knew. My family home was ten blocks from the beach. My elementary school and the playground I frequented in my earlier years are only eight blocks from the ocean. Even my high school had stunning views of the Pacific Ocean and a good supply of healthy ocean air.

    Those who know more about these things than I often talk about the health benefits of the negative ions contained in the air near the ocean. They may be negative ions, but much has been written about the positive respiratory health benefits one receives from breathing-in the fresh, salty ocean air. I can attest to this, as I’ve experienced it myself.

    Perhaps even more beneficial than the respiratory health is the overwhelmingly positive boost one’s mental health receives being at the beach. Most often, when I stop at Ocean Beach during my visits to The City, I don’t even get out of the car. I park facing the water, open the windows to let those negative ions fill the car, and absorb the sights, sounds, and smells of the mighty Pacific from the comfort of my car. Gazing out over the waves at the horizon in the distance, and occasionally catching a glimpse of the Farallon Islands, located 28 miles off the San Francisco coast, I experience a tremendous sense of peace and tranquility. No visit to The City is complete for me without a brief stop at the beach.

    “If there’s a heaven for me,
    I’m sure it has a
    beach attached to it.”
    ~ Jimmy Buffett 

  • Misleading Sales

    As some of you may have noticed, my new book, A Focus on Gratitude, is incorrectly priced on Amazon. Actually, Amazon tells me that it’s not mis-priced. Rather, the selling price of $24.11 is not a purchase from Amazon. They allow third-party sellers on their site and this outrageous price is being offered by All Time Fans, not Amazon.

    In order to get the Amazon price of $13.99, which is the cover price, you need to click on the link in the bottom-right corner of the ad on the Amazon site (see red arrow in image above). When you click “Two new offers,” a panel shows up on the right side of your screen. There you will see the book offered for $13.99 by Amazon.

    Please DO NOT purchase the book from All Time Fans. I have no idea who they are, nor why they are allowed to jack-up the price. I also don’t understand why Amazon would allow a third party’s ad to supersede their own as the first option offered to potential buyers.

    I noticed that the Amazon option is a pre-order, stating that delivery would be on Tuesday, October 1, 2024. This, too, is an error. When they receive copies of the book from Balboa Press, hopefully some time next week, the books should be delivered to buyers in a timely fashion.

    This is the fifth book I’ve published with Balboa Press and sold on Amazon. I’ve never had to deal with these issues previously. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. 

  • Be You!

    As a follow-up to my recent blog post, A Lifelong Task, I thought it would be appropriate to share this brief Shel Silverstein poem.

  • Then and Now

    “You can’t base your
    life on other people’s
    expectations.”
    ~ Stevie Wonder

    As a child, I dreamed of following in my father’s and grandfather’s footsteps and pursuing a career as a firefighter in San Francisco. When we would visit my Dad at the firehouse, he would allow my siblings and me to climb on the apparatus, as long as we didn’t ring the bell or step on the button on the floor in the cab that activated the siren. My favorite place to sit was in the tiller driver’s seat at the rear of the truck.

    In 1972, after graduating from high school, I moved to San José and enrolled in the fire science program at San José City College. On most school days, I would eat lunch in the Student Union building on campus. I got to know a few other students and we’d hang out socializing and enjoying the music playing on the juke box before heading off to our next class.  

    Fast-forward to yesterday — March 19, 2024. I was walking in downtown Campbell when a familiar song, one I had not heard in many years, was playing through the outside speakers at Sushi Confidential. It was Stevie Wonder singing You Are the Sunshine of My Life. In my mind, I was immediately transported back to the Student Union building at San José City College. The song was first released in late October 1972. It was one of the most popular songs selected on the juke box in the student dining area that year. And just as quickly as I recalled that specific time in my life 50+ years ago, I found myself fully-aware of where I was at the moment. I was taken aback by the stark contrast between these two vivid images of myself.

    The 18-year-old me lacked confidence, most notably in the academic arena, but I was young, strong, athletic, and totally content with the prospect of a career in firefighting. I had no idea that my life would take a very different trajectory. Today I am 69-years old and retired, having earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from Santa Clara University and a Master of Arts degree from the University of San Francisco. The courses I took prepared me for a 43-year career in teaching. I’ve even written and published five books, with one more due to be published next month. My 18-year-old self could never have imagined such a scenario.

    At my Dad’s insistence, I took the written test for the San Francisco Fire Department in 1976, followed by the physical agility test in 1977. In 1978, I was offered a firefighting job, but I was fairly certain by that point that I had a calling to teach. I submitted a waiver form, which allowed me to defer accepting the job to a later date. Eventually, Dad realized that I had no intention of taking the firefighting job. He was beyond disappointed. He even let me know that he thought I was making a big mistake financially, as the starting salary in the SFFD was significantly more than I would make as a teacher. He was right, of course, but I reminded him of a pearl of wisdom I’d received several years earlier when I was told, “Don’t worry about the money. Follow your heart.” He recognized immediately that I had learned this lesson from him.

    Hearing Stevie Wonder’s song yesterday afternoon was a gift, as it enabled me to reflect on how far I’d come in the past fifty years. I’m grateful that I didn’t base my life on the expectations of others. I’m also tremendously grateful for those who saw in me what I didn’t see in myself, and provided opportunities for me to pursue a career in teaching. 

    As I approach my 70th birthday, I am still captivated at the sight of fire apparatus, red lights flashing and siren blaring, rolling down the street responding to a call. I still feel a strong bond with firefighters, but I have no regrets. I am simply grateful for the career path I took, and also for those who put their lives on the line every day as firefighters.   

  • A Lifelong Task

    “You have been criticizing
    yourself for years,
    and it hasn’t worked.
    Try approving of yourself
    and see what happens.”
    ~ Louise Hay

    Why is it so challenging for us to lovingly embrace who we are? What is it about the human condition which causes us to be so self-critical? Well, for starters, for years advertisers have mastered the art of misleading consumers into believing that we are inferior or deprived, but promising that their product will provide us with everything we need to be happy and feel good about ourselves. Their manipulative tactics have been incredibly effective.

    There is more to our lack of self-acceptance than just advertising, but I’m at a loss to identify all the factors that come into play. I do, however, have a few thoughts to share on the topic.

    It seems that many of us have gone through life with an insatiable desire to attain the approval of others. When we don’t receive the approval we seek, it’s easy to think, “I’m not enough.” Why is it so difficult to accept ourselves regardless of what others think? 

    One critical life task that is often overlooked is recognizing and acknowledging the positives in ourselves and our lives. Rather than comparing ourselves to others and worrying so much about what others think of us, it is imperative that we develop the ability to focus on what is good about us, and on those things we do well. It might also be beneficial to make a conscientious effort to see ourselves and the world around us through the lens of gratitude, rather than the lens of deprivation.

    The more we identify and embrace our strengths, our skills, and our personal values, the less need we will have to seek the approval of others. And when we are content with who we are, others’ perceptions of us change, too. Lao Tzu wrote, “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”

    A healthy self-image means approving of ourselves unconditionally. This does not mean that we have to like everything about ourselves, but it does mean accepting and loving ourselves as we are right now.

    It’s all too common for individuals to have the attitude that they’ll be happier and love themselves more when they’ve lost forty pounds, or when they get out of debt, or when they accomplish a particular life goal. Sadly, when we attach conditions to our self-image, we sabotage ourselves and inhibit our ability to live life to the fullest. When we feel good about who we are, when we accept ourselves as we are, rather than as we feel we should be, we are more resilient to the criticism of others. 

    We certainly have the option to be like others, but there is a price to pay for doing so. Author Rita Mae Brown warns us, “I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”

    The challenge is real. 

  • Grand!

    “God invented whiskey
    to keep the Irish from
    ruling the world.”
    ~ Ed McMahon

    I wrote and originally published this poem in 2017. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it once again. It’s simply called “Saint Patrick’s Day.”

    I drank some pints of Guinness,
    then I had a little more.
    Before too long I found myself
    sprawled out upon the floor.
    McCarthy said, “Get up, me boy!
    The night has just begun.
    Begorrah! It’s Saint Patrick’s Day!
    We’re here to have some fun.”

    I climbed back up the bar stool
    and I sat upon the seat.
    Although ’twas Friday during Lent,
    I had to have some meat.
    Corned beef and cabbage then appeared,
    ’twas sure that I had died.
    I ate it all and licked the plate
    with good old Irish pride.

    And then McCarthy says to me,
    “I think it’s time to dance!”
    The Guinness and the Irish food
    had left me in a trance.
    I said, “No, I can’t do that,
    for my balance ain’t so good.”
    McCarthy laughed and grabbed my arm.
    He really thought I could.

    I staggered out upon the floor
    and knocked a woman down.
    Her husband, he got angry
    and he knocked me all around.
    McCarthy grabbed a bar stool
    and he smashed it o’er his head.
    The man collapsed upon the floor.
    ’Twas sure that he was dead.

    We quickly left the tavern,
    but before we got too far,
    the Guarda stopped us in our tracks
    and stuffed us in their car.
    So here we sit inside the jail,
    and still we’re drunk as Hell.
    I guess we’ll have to sleep here
    in our cozy little cell.

    ’Tis true, it is Saint Patrick’s Day,
    he, too, spent time in jail.
    I guess it’s just a normal thing
    if you’re an Irish male.
    I like to drink the Guinness,
    but I’ve got to learn to say,
    “No thank you, sir. I’ve had enough…
    for this Saint Patrick’s Day.” 

  • The City

    “The morning,
    like all San Francisco mornings,
    promised spring.”     
    ~ Elizabeth Stark

    Rarely, in my lifetime, have I had the opportunity to enjoy a San Francisco sunrise. Having lived my first eighteen years in the Sunset District, the sunlight had to clear Mount Davidson before shining down on the west side of The City. Even then, the persistent morning fog created a drab beginning to each day. So I was grateful for the opportunity to be in San Francisco yesterday morning and to enjoy the view portrayed in the image above.

    As I stood at the end of Van Ness Avenue looking out over Aquatic Park, I couldn’t help but think of the words of Journey’s signature song Lights. Of course, I had to adjust the words to reflect the time of day, but in my mind I was singing:

    When the lights come on in The City,
    and the sun shines on the bay,…

    What a spectacular treat it was to see the sun rising over downtown San Francisco and reflecting off the choppy waters of Aquatic Park Cove. This was just the beginning of a magical day. 

    I had driven a friend to The City for an 8:30 a.m. appointment at the Italian Consulate at Webster & Broadway. As I sat in the car outside the consulate, I noticed a gentleman wearing a bright yellow vest with the words Convent-Stuart Hall imprinted on the back. Strangely, even though I was born and raised in The City and attended catholic schools from first grade through high school, I never knew exactly where Convent of the Sacred Heart High School was located. So I got out of the car to speak with the gentleman in the vest.

    In yet another very San Francisco experience, it didn’t take long for us to realize that not only did we know people in common, we knew each other! Dennis Estrada was a freshman at Saint Ignatius College Preparatory when I was a senior. We knew each other, but not well. Then, due to my circuitous route through college, we ended up as classmates at Santa Clara University — Class of 1979. We had not seen each other in more than forty years. What a treat it was to reconnect with such an impressive person.

    After the appointment at the consulate, we drove down Broadway to North Beach for a visit to Caffé Trieste, an iconic coffee shop with a rich history of customers who were famous authors, poets, and entertainers. My friend ordered a cappuccino, which she described as the best she’s had outside of Italy. The eclectic group of customers made for a lively experience in what is, perhaps, the best coffee shop in The City.

    As we were leaving Caffé Trieste, I met Fredo, the owner of SFOG, a small shop across the street from the café, which sells San Francisco t-shirts, sweatshirts, and other outerwear. He also has a nice assortment of art work for sale. Fredo, short for Alfredo, is of Irish-Guatamalan descent, but he sports a convincing Italian accent whenever needed. His shop is a must-visit shopping stop for native San Franciscans.

    Our last stop was also across the street from Caffé Trieste, at the corner of Vallejo & Columbus. We paid a visit to La Porziunicola Nuova, a scaled replica of Saint Francis’ Porziuncola in Assisi, Italy. The sacred site was dedicated in San Francisco in 2008 by Cardinal William Levada. We were warmly greeted by Angela Alioto, daughter of former San Francisco mayor Joseph Alioto. It was Angela’s idea to create this replica of the chapel. This is definitely a site worth visiting.

    The City has always been a magical place. Despite the current challenges of homelessness, drug abuse, and crime, San Francisco remains a special place in my heart. 

  • No Way to Know

    “Death is not the
    opposite of life,
    but a part of it.” 
    ~ Haruki Murakami

    Several years ago, I attended a weekend retreat on the topic of Conscious Aging. At the first session on Friday evening, participants were given a sheet of paper with eighty blank squares — eight rows of ten squares each. We were directed to put an “X” in each square, beginning at the top of the page, for each year of our life. As we marked each box, we were challenged to recall one memory from that particular year of our life. This was a therapeutic activity for me. 

    If I remember correctly, I was 64-years-old when I attended the retreat, therefore, after completing the task, I was left with sixteen empty squares on my paper. One of the participants asked the presenter what he should do, as he had marked all eighty boxes. The presenter replied, “Be grateful!”

    It was a bit sobering to see that visual image of how much of my life I had already lived and how seemingly little remained, yet I was well aware that my death could come at any time. Did I have sixteen years left in my life that evening, or did I have only six weeks? There was no way to know.

    As I approach my 70th birthday in June, I don’t feel old. I’m quite possibly in the best physical condition since my college years. Despite this reality, my prognosis has not changed since that Friday night of the retreat. There’s just no way to know how much longer I’ll be alive.

    As the graphic above clearly indicates, according to the United States Center for Disease Control & Prevention in 2021, the average life expectancy for an American male is 73.5 years. It’s important to acknowledge that this number is the average life expectancy, so many men live considerably longer.

    My paternal grandfather passed away in 1961 at the age of 74. My maternal grandfather passed away in 1968 at the age of 74. Hmmm… My father, however, died accidentally at the age of 82. He outlived his father and father-in-law by eight years. If I outlive my Dad by eight years, I’ll live to the age of 90. Given the health care available today, that’s a very real possibility, but there’s no way to know, right?

    I don’t worry about death. I honestly believe I’ve lived a good, complete life. I experienced a fairly normal childhood, I received an excellent education, I enjoyed a 43-year career as an educator, and I’ve published a few books in my retirement. I married the love of my life, raised three wonderful sons, and now I’m enjoying being “Papa” to five beautiful grandkids. If I were to die tomorrow, it would not be tragic. I’ve lived my life to the fullest.

    There is simply no way for me to know how much longer I’ll live. The challenge, therefore, is to live each day as if it were my last. I’m working hard to nurture my relationships with family and friends. I’m making a conscious effort to express my gratitude to those who have cared for me throughout my life. I make sure the bills are paid, that Kathy knows all the details of our finances, and that my affairs are in order. I’ve even gone so far as to prepay all our funeral services, including the purchase of niches at the local cemetery for our cremains. Some might consider this to be morbid. I prefer to think of it as being practical.  

    As age 70 inches closer day by day, I am grateful to have lived this long. I’m not in any hurry to die. I’m enjoying life too much right now. There is no other age I would prefer to be, and I’m not in any hurry to check-out just yet. There’s still so much to do!

  • Sunday Morning

    “A farmer’s market is
    worth more than
    everything I’ve written.” 
    ~ Wendell Berry

    Kathy and I met up with a friend for an early-morning visit at the Orchard Valley Coffee shop in downtown Campbell this morning. While I frequent the establishment on a regular basis, it was the first time I’d been there on a Sunday morning. So Kathy and I were pleasantly surprised to have the opportunity to spend time at the Downtown Campbell Farmer’s Market, which is held every Sunday morning. What a delightful experience!

    After the brief visit with our friend, Kathy returned to the car to get a few reusable grocery bags. Thanks to the kind hospitality of Monica, a Campbell local, I got a seat at a sidewalk table outside Starbucks at the corner of East Campbell Avenue and 1st Street. A Beatles cover band was playing directly across the street, so when Kathy returned with the grocery bags, I stayed where I was while Kathy did the shopping.

    I thoroughly enjoyed watching hundreds of people walk by as they checked out all the products offered by the Farmer’s Market vendors. Both sides of East Campbell Avenue were lined with booths selling fruits, vegetables, breads, pastries, and a number of other items. I was amazed at how many people of all ages and ethnicities were singing along to the variety of Beatles’ songs as they walked past the band. Seeing this made me realize what a powerful impact the Fab Four have had on music throughout the world.

    While the majority of shoppers were significantly younger than me, I was struck by the diversity I witnessed through the morning hours. There were dozens of young parents pushing strollers or walking with toddlers. A good number of high school students were present, as well. Quite a few of them were wearing purple sweatshirts advertising the upcoming production of Footloose at Westmont High School. My generation was well-represented, too. And the number of people in the 80s to 90s age-range surprised me. It was nice to see everyone enjoying all that the Farmer’s Market had to offer.

    The rich cultural diversity of the Santa Clara Valley was also evident as I watched shoppers strolling down the street. Caucasians, Latinos, Asians, and Indians seemed to be equally represented. I met one man who was a native of The Netherlands and two others who identified themselves as Iranian. In a time when our country seems so divided and polarized on so many levels, it was encouraging to see the blend of cultures coexisting and enjoying all that the local Farmer’s Market had to offer.

    Before returning home, I wanted to check out some of the bakery booths Kathy had seen while shopping. When I saw the Greenlee’s Bakery booth, I knew I was in the right place. The gentleman working behind the counter asked what I’d like. I was looking at some items that looked like the aebleskeivers one would find in Solvang, California. He told me that they were beignets, and offered to let me try one. With just one bite, I thought I’d died and gone to Heaven. The cinnamon flavor was mouthwatering. Needless to say, I purchased a few to bring home.

    Something tells me that Kathy and I will be regulars at the Downtown Campbell Farmer’s Market from now on.

  • Making a Difference

    Garvin Thomas – NBC Bay Area Journalist

    “You may find that
    making a difference for others
    makes the biggest difference
    in you.” 
    Brian Williams

    NBC Bay Area news reporter Garvin Thomas is making a difference — a positive difference — in the lives of television viewers throughout the greater San Francisco Bay Area. A couple of times each week, Thomas airs an episode of his feel-good, people-making-a-positive-difference segment called Bay Area Proud. These brief videos are sure to bring a smile to your face.

    A couple of years ago, Thomas did an episode of Bay Area Proud dedicated to Cherries in the Summer, the children’s book I wrote in collaboration with then-12-year-old Vivian Nguyen, who illustrated a poem I’d written for my grandson, Liam. You can see this segment by clicking HERE.

    A more recent episode of Bay Area Proud focused on a special education teacher who went above and beyond to accommodate a student with special needs. Such stories can restore one’s faith in humanity and in the basic goodness of those around us. Click HERE to see this story.

    If you have some time on your hands and would like to view some of Garvin Thomas’ other Bay Area Proud segments, click HERE.

    By sharing these videos, I hope to inspire readers to look for opportunities in your own lives to make a positive difference. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

    So often, we can get overwhelmed by the enormity of needs in our world and wonder, almost hopelessly, what can I possibly do to make a difference? I’m only one person. Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa had this to say about that, “Do your little bit of good where you are; it is those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” 

    If not you, who? 
    If not now, when? 
    If not to make our world a better place, why?