A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • We Need Each Other

    Thomas: “I can’t win.”
    Tavita: “Then lose.
    But don’t lose alone,
    lose with us.”
    From the movie Next Goal Wins

    For the past few years, I have enjoyed reading a newsletter written and published by former UCLA and NBA great Kareem Abdul Jabbar. A disciple of the legendary coach John Wooden, Kareem is so much more than just a retired athlete. His intelligence, insightfulness, and courage to speak out on some of the pressing (or not so pressing) issues of our day continues to inspire me. Today’s A Beacon of Light blog post is one article from Kareem’s newsletter which arrived in my inbox this morning. It’s powerful. It is clear to me that Kareem learned much more from Coach Wooden than simply how to play basketball. He is truly a beacon of light.

    •    •    •

    The context for this quote from Taika Waititi’s recent soccer movie Next Goal Wins is that an American coach is being punished for his on-field outbursts by being assigned to coach a team from American Samoa that not only has never won a game but never scored a single goal. The hard-drinking loner lost in grief for his dead daughter is soon welcomed into the local community where their warmth and love heals him. At one point, the coach tells the local man who has helped him understand the Samoan way of life that he can’t win the game. The man’s response: “Then lose. But don’t lose alone, lose with us.”

    I’ve been a member of a team since I was a little kid. Well, I was never little so let’s just say since I was in middle school. Whenever the outside world seemed too harsh and unpitying, the comfort of the team made me feel safe and necessary. The thrill of scoring points was matched by the thrill of feeding the ball to someone else who scored. So, when Tavita says, “Then lose. But don’t lose alone, lose with us.” it makes me fondly remember how sharing in victory heightened the sensation while sharing in defeat blunted the pain.

    Losing is inevitable. We can’t control that aspect of life. But we can control our preparation for it. We are all grieving from loss—whether the loss of people we love or hopes we had about our lives. We are all loners looking for shelter from the storm. Community is that shelter, which is why people belong to religions, book clubs, and pickleball groups. We seek the company of those with similar interests who might better understand us and therefore care about us.

    In the Middle Ages, grand cathedrals were constructed throughout Europe and filled with the most ornate fixtures and divine art. Part of the reason for such opulence was to present a representation of heaven on Earth so the believers would be inspired to continue their faith. Basically, they were like lush model homes in a planned community that hadn’t been built. You’re buying the promise, the dream.

    We build those same model heavens in our movies about small towns from Mayberry to Northern Exposure to Gilmore Girls to every Hallmark Christmas movie. If heaven were to exist, its main feature would be unconditional love for each other without any hurtful human conflicts.

    That’s what makes today’s quote so poignant to me. Winning/success is a way of proving our worth to others, and that we deserve to be part of the community. On Survivor, people are always trying to demonstrate how invaluable they are at catching fish or making fires so the tribe won’t vote them off. That rarely works. In the end, people often choose based on how much they want to be in that person’s company.

    That’s the essence of the quote: We don’t have to prove our worth by winning—whether it’s a game or money. We want you in our community because of who you are, not what you do. We’re all going to lose, but losing with a loving, compassionate group feels a whole lot like winning.

  • Finding “The One”

    “Through all of youth,
    I was looking for you
    without knowing
    what I was looking for.” 
    Benjamin Alire Sáenz 

    I recall the night vividly. It was well after midnight. I was walking down The Alameda from Santa Clara University, where I had been visiting with friends in one of the dormitories, to the campus of Bellarmine College Prep, where I lived and worked at that time. It was January 1974. I don’t know why I was thinking about this at that particular time in my life, but the thought crossed my mind. Presuming that I would marry some day, and considering that I was 19-years-old at the time, it seemed highly likely that my to-be wife, should I marry at some point, was alive and living on this earth already. I wondered who she was. I wondered where she was living at that moment. I wondered if I already knew her. I wondered where and how and when we would meet if that had not yet happened. These and a number of other questions swirled around in my head as I made my way back to the Bellarmine dormitory that cold winter night. That was fifty years ago.

    It took another ten years before I finally met Kathy. We had the pleasure of meeting at a social function at Saint Lawrence Parish in Santa Clara in early August 1984. It was one of those surreal experiences — when we met, we just knew. There was a mutual respect and admiration well beyond the physical attraction. We married in June 1985, became parents in May 1986, purchased our home in October 1986, had another child in May 1988, and one more in March 1992. Our three sons are now 37, 35, and 31. We have four grandchildren, with one more expected any day now. Kathy and I are both retired, though Kathy regularly takes care of the little ones while their parents are at work, and I teach two writing classes for adults on Tuesdays. With each passing day, our life together continues to unfold.

    From time to time, I’m still asked questions such as, “Where do you see yourself five, or ten, or twenty years from now?” It’s a nice icebreaker question, and, to some degree, the answer is quite simple: I don’t know. I expect that we will continue living here in our home in San José, California. That could change, but I don’t expect that it will. What I do know, with absolute certainty, is that wherever I am, I want to be with Kathy.

    We’ve been a good team for the past 38 years. Like any relationship, we’ve encountered a few bumps in the road along our journey, but the older we get, the smoother the road seems to be. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that our lives are on cruise control, as that could be incredibly dangerous, but the ride has gotten progressively more comfortable. Rather than life passing us by in a blur, as it did for so many years, we now have the opportunity to slow down, mindfully look around, and savor the scenery along the way. I am thoroughly enjoying this leg of our journey together. 

    I expect that there may still be some bumps in the road, and perhaps even a few detours, in the coming years. We’ll deal with those if and when they arise. For now, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift Kathy has been in my life. I can easily relate the famous Lou Gehrig quote from his speech at Yankee Stadium on the 4th of July in 1939: “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”

  • On Teaching

    “I’ve learned that
    people will forget what you said,
    people will forget what you did,
    but people will never forget
    how you made them feel.” 
    Maya Angelou

    I was recently asked what advice I would give young teachers today. Having spent more than four decades in education, I guess I’m qualified to respond to such a question. I remember sitting in a workshop in the fall of 1979 listening to a seasoned educator share her thoughts and experiences about teaching. I found her advice to be both helpful and wise. I don’t recall much of what she said that afternoon, but I do remember walking out of the session feeling optimistic about having chosen a career in education.

    So what advice would I share today? Five thoughts come to mind.

    1. If you don’t enjoy what you’re doing as an educator, if you look upon your work as a job rather than as a calling, you might want to consider another professional endeavor. Not all who earn a bachelor’s degree, master’s degree, and teaching credential should be teaching. The academic preparation is only a small part of what it takes to be an effective educator.

    2. Change is inevitable. The art of teaching continues to develop year by year. New strategies and technologies are introduced each year. Some of these (though not all) will enhance your ability to better meet the needs of your students. Effective teachers make an effort to integrate these pedagogies into their craft.

    3. Preparation is everything! Rarely, during my years in the classroom, did I have to deal with discipline issues. I learned early-on that the best tool for effective classroom management is a well-prepared lesson plan. Discipline problems most often arise when gaps in the teacher’s preparation, often in the last ten minutes of a class period, provide students with the opportunity to misbehave. Ending a lesson with time remaining in the class period, or gaps resulting from a lack of preparation during the class period, leave kids looking for something to do to entertain themselves, and, often, those around them.

    4.  The quote above from Maya Angelou is also wisdom I would share with young teachers today. It is said that you can lead a horse to water, but we cannot make him drink. This is true of our students, as well. Dr. Jane Nelson, in her book Positive Discipline, wrote, “You have to touch the heart before you can reach the mind.” Research indicates that the main predictor of achievement in students is the students’ perception, right or wrong, of whether or not the teacher likes them. Effective educators must seek ways to get to know their students as individuals, recognizing and appreciating the uniqueness of each one, and nurturing a positive teacher-student bond.

    5. All teachers have the opportunity, and I would add obligation, to help students to recognize our shared responsibility to care for one another — especially for the most poor and vulnerable members of society. In my experience, students are not just willing, but eager to engage in activities which benefit those in need. School- or class-sponsored events such as seasonal collections of toys, gently-used clothing, new socks, food, and school supplies can bring a student community closer together — in gratitude, for the gifts with which they and their families have been blessed, and for the opportunity to share some of what they have with those less fortunate. If you look closely at the image above, you’ll see a framed quote on the wall by the philosopher, Aristotle, which reads, “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”

    By sharing these five pieces of advice, I am not suggesting that a focus on academics is not important. Of course it is! What I’m saying is that a focus on academics alone is insufficient. There is so much more to school and learning than reading, writing, and arithmetic.

  • Exceeding Expectations

    “Exceeding expectations is
    where satisfaction ends
    and loyalty begins.” 
    Ron Kaufman

    It started out as “one of those days.” The cycle selector knob on our washing machine was inoperable this morning. It was stuck on “Drain & Spin.” I needed to do a couple of loads of laundry. The user manual recommended unplugging it for two minutes, then plugging it back in again. I did as directed, but to no avail. Knowing that the probability of my resolving this situation on my own was slim to none, I called the General Electric service line to set up a service appointment. The soonest they could get someone to come to our home was January 19th. That wasn’t going to work.

    So I called a local company, DeAnza Appliance in Santa Clara. I spoke with Chris, the operations manager. He said he could have someone out to me on Tuesday the 9th. Though that would still present a bit of a dilemma as far as our immediate laundry needs, I graciously agreed to that date. 

    Much to my surprise, Chris called me back a few minutes later, telling me that one of his repair techs was working in West San José this morning and that he could stop by around noon time to take a look at our washer. As promised, Marcos arrived at noon and assessed the situation. Within minutes, he had resolved the issue. It seems that even washers have computers now, and the problem had more than likely been caused by a power surge we experienced yesterday. Marcos made the adjustment and was finished. I now have my second load of clothing in the washer and it’s functioning perfectly.

    It’s always nice when our expectations are met. It’s quite special, however, when someone exceeds our expectations. This is exactly what happened today. I had hoped that it might be possible to get someone out to do the repair today, but that was not my expectation. The Tuesday time-frame seemed reasonable. So when Chris called back, and then Marcus showed up to do the repair, I was more than grateful. 

    I was impressed with the timeliness, courtesy, and professionalism provided by both Chris and Marcos today. What a great start to 2024. It is with confidence that I can recommend DeAnza Appliance on Scott Boulevard in Santa Clara. The family-owned business now has one more loyal customer. 

  • 2024

    “There are far better things
    ahead than any we
    leave behind.” 
    C.S. Lewis

    I was speaking with a friend the other day when she mentioned that she was looking forward to the start of 2024. She told me that she liked the even-numbered years. I thought about that a bit and realized that I do, too.

    I was born in an even-numbered year (1954). I graduated from elementary school (1968), high school (1972) and graduate school (1984) in even-numbered years. I met Kathy in an even-numbered year (1984), and all three of our boys were born in even-numbered years (1986, 1988, 1992). It was in 1974 that I began my teaching career. My first trip to Japan was 1998, and the last of my 14 trips there was in 2014. The San Francisco 49ers won their first Super Bowl in 1982, and the faithful are hoping for another Super Bowl victory in 2024. The San Francisco Giants were victorious in the World Series in 2010, 2012, and 2014. So yes, I’ve been looking forward to the start of 2024. 

    As we enter this new year, I find myself in a much better space than I’ve been in a long time. During the past fifteen years, I let myself go. I did little to care for myself, physically or emotionally. I gained a significant amount of weight. My lifestyle could most accurately be described as sedentary. My outlook on the future was bleak. A number of factors contributed to the melancholy I was experiencing, and by the end of March 2023, I’d hit rock bottom. I knew something had to change — immediately.

    On this first day of January 2024, my weight is what it was 50 years ago. For the past six weeks, I’ve maintained a weight-range between 215 and 220. Not surprisingly, I’m feeling much better these days. I have more energy and fewer aches and pains. I did what I had to do (a significant reduction in caloric intake) to get to where I am today. My priority for 2024 and beyond is to maintain this weight. This will require that I engage in regular exercise, something I’ve failed to do in recent years. The motivation for self-care, which was lacking for so long, has re-emerged. 

    I’ve never been one to make and keep new year resolutions. This year will be different. There are three things I must do throughout 2024 which should serve me well. The first is to step on the scale every morning so that I know my weight from day to day. The second is to track my food intake, logging everything I eat and the caloric value of each meal and snack. I started doing both of these things in October. The third thing I will do differently is to exercise for a minimum of one hour at least four days per week. I’ve realized that my failure to do so in the past might be due to the fact that I never consciously scheduled it into my day.

    Despite the technology currently available to maintain a calendar on my phone, I continue to use one of those At-A-Glance daily planners. I’ve done so throughout my adult years and it has served me well. If I write something into my calendar, I do it. So my goal for 2024 is to schedule my exercise times, rather than just having a general sense that I should exercise if I happen to have the time to do so, or if I feel up to it. Exercise is essential to maintaining my weight and overall health, so having time set aside for this will make a significant difference. 

    I’m excited for the start of 2024. I enter this year with a tremendous sense of hope, which, by the way, is an acronym: Have Only Positive Expectations. I also have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the opportunity to re-set my life and begin to enjoy living again.

    “Cheers to a new year,
    and another chance
    for us (me)
    to get it right.” 
    Oprah Winfrey

  • 2023

    “Acknowledging the good
    that you already have
    in your life is the foundation
    for all abundance.” 
    Eckhart Tolle

    Today is December 31, 2023 — the last day of yet another year. Not surprisingly, I’m doing what I do pretty much every year on this date. I’m writing a blog post about the calendar year coming to an end. There have been times when this was an emotionally challenging task for me. I remember back in 2008, after my father died so unexpectedly on the last day of July, I felt that saying goodbye to 2008 was akin to saying goodbye to Dad again. Some years have just been more difficult to let go of than others. Such is not the case this year.

    2023 has been a good year in many ways. There have been losses, too, most notably, perhaps, the death of my good friend, Kim, in Nassau. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to visit Kim and her husband, Simon, at their home in the Bahamas in late March to say goodbye. We had enjoyed a solid, ongoing, platonic relationship for almost 50 years. Kim died on May 10th.

    Overall, however, the good has overshadowed the bad in 2023. I enjoyed a number of breakfast, lunch, or dinner meet-ups with elementary and high school classmates, former  students and colleagues, South Bay friends, my sons, and my siblings. In May, I published my fourth book — “Dad: 12 Questions…” In early August, Kathy and I enjoyed a weeklong get-away to South Lake Tahoe, and in late August, we attended the Chicago concert at the scenic Paul Masson Mountain Winery in the Saratoga hills. As summer turned to fall, I began teaching two courses — Creative Writing and The Magic of Poetry — for the Santa Clara Adult Education Program.

    Of course, I have to mention how grateful I am for all the time I had to spend with our grandkids throughout 2023. I thoroughly enjoy the energy, positivity, inquisitiveness, compassion, creativity, and laughter they share with us each and every day.

    Finally, I should mention the Transform Program at Kaiser Hospital in Santa Clara. Following my weeklong trip to the Bahamas in March, I realized that it was time for me to do something to get myself back to good health, both physically and mentally. In April, I signed up for a 30-week medically-supervised weight management program. This was something I desperately needed. Today, as the year comes to an end, my weight is significantly less than it was at the end of March. Of equal importance, my mental health has improved, as well. The past few years have not been easy for me, so the opportunity to make a healthy change is a gift for which I am tremendously grateful. The challenge now, of course, is to maintain both my physical and mental health. One mantra which has served me well over the past eight months is: Never sacrifice what you want most for what you want at the moment.

    Rather than experiencing the feeling of melancholy I endured for the past several New Year’s Eves, this year I am overwhelmed with both gratitude and positivity. I am reminded of the optimistic words of Frank Sinatra, “The best is yet to come.”

    “Tomorrow is the first
    blank page of a 365-page book.
    Write a good one.” 
    Brad Paisley  

  • Date Night

    “Music produces a
    kind of pleasure which
    human nature
    cannot do without.” 
    Confucius

    Saturday night — the last Saturday night of 2023. What a perfect time for a date night. Kathy and I spent a good part of the evening at Little Lou’s Barbecue on Winchester Boulevard in Campbell. We enjoyed a nice barbecue chicken dinner and listened to two hours of delightful music by the local group Wandering Acoustics. It was a night well-spent.

    Jeff, the percussionist in the band, reminded us on several occasions that tonight is New Year’s Eve Eve. When we were much younger, Kathy and I always found a place to bring in the new year with food, friends, and music. Our preference at this point in our lives is to stay home, watch the Times Square ball drop at midnight Eastern Standard Time, then go to bed. Since that is our plan for tomorrow night, tonight was our big night out to end 2023.

    Each member of the band — Sonia, Russ, Jeff, Craig, and Cory — contributed significantly to the overall quality of the performance. The group played songs by the Eagles, Credence Clearwater Revival, Elvis Presley, Pure Prairie League, Wilson Pickett, the Beatles, and many other notable entertainers. Kathy and I enjoyed the performance as we nibbled on our dessert — we shared a hot peach cobbler with a scoop of melting vanilla ice cream on top.  

    Sir Elton John once said, “Music has healing power. It has the ability to take people out of themselves for a few hours.” The music by Wandering Acoustics this evening did just that. For two hours nothing else mattered. For two hours, Kathy and I were able to relax, sit back, and enjoy an excellent, entertaining musical performance. What a gift!

    I’ll be keeping my eye on the Wandering Acoustics Facebook page over the next few months to see where and when they will be performing in 2024. We will most definitely make an effort to get to some of their shows. 

  • Expressing Gratitude

    “Feeling gratitude
    and not expressing it
    is like wrapping a present
    and not giving it.” 
    William Arthur Ward

    Our family celebration of Christmas dinner this year was one of the most memorable of my life. I’d be hard-pressed to pinpoint any one particular reason for this claim, as it wasn’t just one thing that made the evening so special. Having all three of our boys home was certainly nice. Tom’s and Steve’s wives have been extraordinary additions to our family. The grandkids brought an energy and excitement to the gathering which contributed significantly to the joyous and high-spirited celebration. There was laughter, lively conversation, amazing food, delectable desserts, and more happiness than I’ve experienced at a Christmas dinner in many years. Kathy and I could not have enjoyed the evening more.

    I’ve mentioned in past blog posts that throughout my formative years, my mother made sure that I sent thank you notes to anyone who gave me gifts for my birthdays, First Communion, Confirmation, and graduations. I also sent cards of gratefulness to aunts and uncles who gave me gifts at Christmas time, especially to my Uncle Dan Healy, my Godfather. He never failed to stop by on Christmas Day with a card, which always included a five dollar bill. I have no recollection, however, of ever being required to write a thank you note to Santa Claus.

    One might think that would have been the wake-up call, the big “HELLO!” to help me realize that, perhaps, Santa was a fictitious character. I guess I just wasn’t perceptive enough in my childhood. Of all people, one would think that Santa Claus would be deserving of a genuine, heartfelt note of gratitude.

    When I saw the picture above on Google Images, I couldn’t help but smile. I cannot say with any degree of certainty whether the photo depicts Santa reading pre-Christmas letters from children or, perhaps, post-Christmas thank you notes from young ones who are grateful for the gifts they found under their Christmas tree. For tonight, I’ll go with the second option.

    I devoted some time today to writing thank you notes. None were addressed to the North Pole. Why do I bother with thank you notes? Well,… I’m grateful — to those who took the time to get me a gift this holiday season, to Kathy for preparing a delicious prime rib dinner, and to family members who made last night such a special occasion. There was really nothing that I truly needed, but the thoughtfulness that went into the selection of the gifts I received is very much appreciated. 

    As William Arthur Ward so clearly stated in the quote above, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

    Why would we ever do this?

  • Christmas 2023

    “At Christmas,
    all roads lead home.” 
    Marjorie Holmes

    The leftovers from Christmas dinner have all been put away. The crumpled wrapping paper from the many gifts that were under the tree has been disposed of appropriately. The grandkids are back home and asleep in their own beds. Kathy is, understandably, sound asleep on the couch in the living room after a day of preparing and serving an amazing Christmas dinner. (I’ll wake her up to go to bed in a few minutes.) And me? I’m sitting here at my desk savoring the last few minutes of what has been a truly wonderful family celebration of Christmas.

    Until this year, I continued to think of our home on 38th Avenue in San Francisco as the place where our family holiday celebration should take place. For so many years, that was home. Even after Mom sold the house in 2014, I still had a feeling that that’s where Christmas dinner should be enjoyed. Strange as it may seem, this year is the first year I’ve acknowledged, accepted, and embraced the reality that our home here in San José is truly home, and that this is where our Christmas dinner needs to be celebrated.

    What a gift for Kathy and me to have everyone home for dinner this year — Tom and Hillaray, Steve & Morgan, Brendan, and our four (soon to be five) grandkids were all with us to enjoy the feast prepared by Kathy. Watching the grandkids playing together and interacting so lovingly with the adults warmed my heart. The evening was filled with good conversation, amazing food, lots of laughter, and even a friendly after-dinner game of Family Feud – Christmas Edition. Gifts were opened, gratitude was expressed, and a tangible sense of love permeated the room. I could not have asked for a better experience of Christmas.

    As Marjorie Holmes mentions in the quote above, “At Christmas, all roads lead home.” For now, this is home. This is where Kathy and I raised our three sons. This is where our grandkids gather to get to know and appreciate their cousins. This is where our family Christmas dinner should be and will be… until such time as “home” is someplace else. I’m grateful that this year, all roads led here. 

  • When It Hurts

    “All that we love deeply
    becomes a part of us.” 
    Helen Keller

    I remember it well — Christmas 2008. 

    Dad had died, quite unexpectedly, on the last day of July. I had a tough time coping with the reality of his death, and found myself enveloped in a fog of depression which lasted, to some degree, for several years. 

    The holiday season of 2008 was unbearable.The sights, smells, sounds, and tastes of the Christmas season were some of my favorite childhood experiences. Christmas music brought back wonderful memories of holidays past. Holiday decorations warmed my spirit, despite the colder days of December. The sweet smell of hot cider and the rich taste of egg nog nurtured my soul each year. Christmas 2008, however, was a different experience for me. 

    When Dad died, my senses were dulled to all that was good about the holiday season. I had no desire to put up our Christmas decorations. I couldn’t listen to Christmas music. I did everything I could to avoid getting together with family and friends for holiday celebrations. For me, in that first holiday season without my Dad, there was nothing to celebrate.

    It’s been fifteen years since that initial grief-filled Christmas season. I’ve learned so much about the nature of grief since that time. Rather than allowing myself to succumb to the darkness, I’ve learned to embrace my grief — with gratitude. 

    This year, a number of people I know are confronted with their first holiday season without a significant loved one. I understand their pain. While I don’t agree with the old adage that time heals all wounds, I do know that time gradually eases the pain and enables us to open our hearts to the present moment and to those with whom we share this special time of year.

    Pulitzer Prize winning poet Mary Oliver penned these words which seem so appropriate for today.     

    “That time
    I thought I could not
    go any closer to grief
    without dying
    I went closer, and I did not die.
    Surely God
    had his hand in this,
    as well as friends.
    Still, I was bent
    and my laughter,
    as the poet said,
    was nowhere to be found.
    Then said my friend Daniel,
    (brave even among lions),
    “It’s not the weight you carry,
    but how you carry it —
    books, bricks, grief —
    it’s all in the way you embrace it,
    balance it, carry it,
    when you cannot, and would not,
    put it down.”
    So I went practicing.
    Have you noticed?
    Have you heard
    the laughter
    that comes, now and again,
    out of my startled mouth?
    How I linger to admire, admire, admire
    the things of this world
    that are kind, and maybe
    also troubled —
    roses in the wind,
    the sea geese on the steep waves,
    a love to which there is no reply?”