A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • Chicken or Egg?

    “Life is not  
    happening to you.  
    Life is  
    responding to you.” 
    ~ Unknown

    We’ve all been asked the question, at one time or another, “Which came first — the chicken or the egg?” In most cases, this would be considered a rhetorical question, a brain-teaser for which no legitimate response would be expected. Not surprisingly, however, scientists have given serious consideration to the question. The Australian Academy of Science addressed the issue in the article Which came first: the chicken or the egg? If this is of interest to you, check out the link.

    Honestly, most of us don’t care which came first. The question, however, might encourage us to look at other areas of life with a greater degree of curiosity.

    Do I have friends because I’m outgoing, or am I outgoing because I have friends? Am I well-educated because of my affluence or am I affluent because of my excellent education? Am I humble because of my life experiences or have I experienced life the way I have because I’m humble?

    One of the most basic questions we can ask ourselves is this: Am I happy because of the life I’ve lived or have I enjoyed the life I’ve lived because I’m happy? Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” This response is definitely good food for thought. 

    Another timely question we might ask ourselves is this: Do I love others because they love me or do others love me because I love them? My Jesuit education tells me that the answer to this question is a definitive YES!

    The quote at the top of this article, attributed to no one in particular, urges us to recognize that, for the most part, life is not something that happens to us. Life is, most often, a response to the decisions we make from day to day. It is likely, therefore, that how we experience life is a direct result of how we live our life. 

    All the more reason to do good — so that we can live well. 

  • Enchanted Island(s)

    “Pledge to excel 
    through love and unity.” 
    ~ Bahamian National Anthem

    Readers of my books and blogs, and those who know me well, might have noticed that I have this thing about the Bahamas. Let me explain.

    I spent eight years of my life at Saint Gabriel School in San Francisco, yet rarely do I speak of those memories. The same can be said for my four years at Saint Ignatius College Preparatory, the five years I worked at Bellarmine College Preparatory in San José, or the four years I spent working at Saint Christopher School and Parish. In fact, I make an effort to consciously avoid speaking or even thinking about my thirty-one years of employment at Saint Lawrence Academy and Parish in Santa Clara. Yet, it’s clear that my one year living and teaching at Saint Augustine’s College in Nassau had a profoundly positive, long-lasting effect on me.

    I arrived in Nassau in late August 1974. Just one month before, on July 10th, the Bahamas had celebrated their first anniversary of independence. During a ceremony to kick-off the 1974-75 academic year, I, along with the rest of the Saint Augustine’s College faculty, was personally greeted by Sir Milo Butler, the first Bahamian Governor-General. The colorful Bahamian flag waved gently in the morning breeze. The overwhelming sense of school and national pride could not be overlooked that day. The students enthusiastically sang the Bahamian national anthem.

    As I’ve mentioned so many times before, that one brief year at SAC was life-changing. The opportunity to teach at the highly-respected island school, when I was just twenty years old, was both challenging and humbling. Despite my lack of credentials, I more than just survived the experience. My career path was permanently altered. I grew up in countless ways. And, most importantly, I developed a number of friendships which I’ve nurtured through the years.

    Since completing my teaching gig at SAC in 1975, I’ve traveled to Nassau several times — 1979, 1981, 1985, and 2006. And just this past March, I made a special visit to the island to say goodbye to my friend and former student, Kim, who was dying of cancer. Each visit to Nassau provided the opportunity for me to connect with a number of my former students and colleagues. Each trip also enabled me to revisit the SAC campus, local restaurants, churches, beaches, and neighborhoods which brought back pleasant memories of my first experience of the island nation.

    Today, the Bahamas celebrates fifty years of independence. It will be a day of festivities, parades, music, dancing, fireworks, and yes, perhaps a bit of alcohol. I wish I could be with them to participate in these celebrations. 

    I pray for the people of the Bahamas, especially for their elected leaders. The task of being a self-governing nation can be overwhelming, and the Bahamas, like most nations, has experienced both successes and failures. The key to the future success of this country is integrity in leadership. A number of Saint Augustine’s College graduates serve in key leadership roles in the community. I am confident that the values they learned at SAC enable them to provide the positive leadership so desperately needed in this young country. 

  • I Haven’t Forgotten

    “If you see no reason 
    for giving thanks, 
    the fault lies only in yourself.” 
    ~ Tecumseh

    On December 23, 2006, I launched my first blog — Attitude of Gratitude. Over the next sixteen years, I penned approximately 2,000 posts about the people, things, and experiences for which I am grateful in my life. On November 9, 2022, I put that blog to rest and created A Beacon of Light. My purpose in doing so was to provide a forum on which I could write about topics other than simply gratitude. In the past eight months, my blog posts have touched on a variety of topics. Today, I would like to return to the theme of gratitude. 

    As I said so often in my posts on Attitude of Gratitude, I have much for which to be grateful. My life may not be perfect, but when I step back and look at myself from a distance, I cannot help but be overwhelmed by the amazing people who have enriched my life. I cannot help but be grateful for the plethora of “things” which have helped me to live a productive and enjoyable life. And I cannot help but be humbled and filled with gratitude for the countless experiences I have enjoyed in my almost seventy years of life.

    Have I gotten everything I’ve wanted in my life? Absolutely not! And I supposed I could dwell on the things and experiences I didn’t have and feel deprived, but I don’t. In his book, How to Want What You Have, author Timothy Miller wrote, “Gratitude is the intention to count your blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances.” I’m sure it’s possible for anyone to envision a life better than that which they have. To do so, however, deprives us of the opportunity to be grateful for those things with which we have been blessed, and therefore, to be deprived of genuine happiness.

    Dr. Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at U.C. Davis, is considered to be the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude. In his book, Words of Gratitude, which he co-authored with Joanna Hill, he quoted cultural anthropologist Ralph H. Blum, who said, “There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude — a quiet joy.” This might be one of the best-kept secrets about gratitude, one which, I would think, would benefit us all.

    Back in 2006, when I began to focus on gratitude in my life, I made an effort to identify the people, things, and experiences for which I was grateful. In doing so, I lost sight of the people, things, and experiences I did not have in my life. This simple change in focus has, without a doubt, created a calmness and sense of contentedness in my life.

    To live a life of gratefulness requires a bit of effort on our part. It’s so easy to focus on those things which we lack in our lives. There is a tremendous payoff, however, when we make the effort to focus on gratitude.

    The words of the Greek philosopher, Epicurus, are as true today as when he spoke them. He said, “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” 

  • July 4, 2023

    “The life of the nation 
    is secure only while 
    the nation is honest, 
    truthful, and virtuous.” 
    Frederick Douglass

    As we celebrate the 247th anniversary of our independence, I think it would be wise to reflect on the words of Frederick Douglass, an American social reformer, writer, and statesman. On July 4, 1852, Douglass, a black man, gave the keynote address at an Independence Day celebration. In his scathing speech, Douglass stated, “This Fourth of July is yours, not mine. You may rejoice, I must mourn.” He went on to pose a relevant question: “What, to the slave, is the Fourth of July?” The entire text of Douglass’ speech can be read HERE.

    Today, 171 years after Douglass’ memorable address, I can’t help but consider the significance of the 4th of July in the lives of many women and men currently living in our country. Segments of the American population continue to be marginalized, excluded, harassed, and despised for a variety of reasons, most often related to the way(s) in which they are different from the stereotypical American. 

    Honest? Truthful? Virtuous? I love this country, and there is no other country in which I would rather live, but we have a long way to go before we can truly celebrate our independence as “one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

  • No Need to Know

    “I don’t need to know 
    everything. 
    I just need to know 
    where to find it 
    when I need it.”
    ~ Albert Einstein

    Some people think I’m highly intelligent. I don’t happen to be one of them. I know a few individuals who are, without a doubt, gifted with superior intelligence. I am often in awe of the magnitude of information stored in their brains. I also know some people who believe they’re highly intelligent. They, too, have information stored in their brain, but the significance of that information tends to be inconsequential.

    In the early 1980s, in a fascinating course in Education Law at the University of San Francisco, professor Patrick Duffy shared a reassuring insight which I have never forgotten. He told us that we were not expected to know everything about the laws pertaining to education. We did, however, need to know how and where to access that information when we needed it.   

    I have a wealth of knowledge and experience in a number of areas. I would even agree that, to some degree, I’m fairly smart. It’s only when I’m in the company of my highly intelligent friends and acquaintances that I am reminded of my intellectual limitations. There is a difference between being smart and being highly intelligent. The most significant difference, I believe, is inquisitiveness — the thirst for knowledge. Some people want to know more about life, about the world, or about how things work than the average human. It seems that these individuals have a genuine need to know things. Generally speaking, I don’t have this need.

    Throughout my life, I have learned what I absolutely needed to know. In order to be a responsible driver, I learned the laws pertaining to driving on public roadways and I learned how to drive a vehicle safely and conscientiously. When I became a Dad, I learned how to be a responsible parent. I also learned that responsible parents cannot control everything in a young person’s life.

    After more than twenty years of teaching, I learned how to make appropriate use of the computer technology which had not been available in my early years in the classroom. Even after my retirement, when I offered to step-in as a substitute middle school teacher in November 2019, it was imperative that I learn how to teach remotely on Zoom when the pandemic hit in March 2020.

    Yes, I have been able and willing to learn that which I must learn, but beyond that, I am surprisingly indifferent to pursuing knowledge on other topics and issues. There is much I do not know about many things, and I’m astonishingly content with not knowing. At times, I do consider the possibility of expanding my knowledge base. Opportunities to do so are plentiful in the greater San Francisco Bay Area. 

    I honestly don’t know why I lack the motivation to acquire more knowledge about more things, but I’m okay with not knowing.

  • #38

    “In life, it’s not where you go, 
    it’s who you travel with.” 
    ~ Charles Schulz

    It could not have been a more timely headline. On Saturday morning, June 29, 1985, the top story in the sports section of the San José Mercury News revealed that Golden State Warriors’ star player, Joe Barry Carroll, was looking to get out of his contract. Not surprisingly, a number of friends brought copies of the sports section of the newspaper to our wedding.

    Well, thirty-eight years later, I still haven’t found an escape clause, nor am I looking for one. Today, Kathy and I celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary — thirty-eight years of a perfectly imperfect marriage. Like any married couple, we’ve had our challenging times, but that’s part of how the marriage game is played. It’s not easy, but it’s awesome.

    A friend once warned me that I shouldn’t criticize Kathy’s choices, reminding me that I am one of them! A point well-made. 

    Research has shown that arranged marriages have a higher success rate (lower divorce rate) than marriages in which the couples choose their own marriage partner. In an attempt to find out why this was true, I asked several of my students, whose parents were in arranged marriages, to ask their parents why they thought this was true. The responses were always the same. They explained that in western marriages, where couples freely choose their partner, there is an expectation that they fall in love, then marry. It’s as though the high-point of the relationship is on their wedding day. In arranged marriages, there is no expectation that the couple love each other on their wedding day. The expectation is that they commit themselves to growing in love together over the course of their marriage.

    I’ve always been convinced that Kathy and I are in an arranged marriage. Our meeting each other was the result of my accepting a job to which I had not applied, and to which I had initially rejected the offer. Having accepted the offer, it took only nine days from my first day on the job to meet Kathy. Somehow, when we met, I knew,… and so did Kathy. It just felt right.

    Now, after thirty-eight years, three sons, and four grandkids (with one more on the way), it is still clear to me that Kathy and I were meant to be together. As Charles Schulz mentions in the quote above, it not so much about where life takes you, but rather who you travel with. I am grateful to have Kathy as my travel partner on this journey of life. 

  • Summer Camp

    “I have a conviction that a few weeks
    spent in a well-organized summer camp
    may be of more value educationally
    than a whole year of formal school work.”
    ~ Charles William Eliot

    Silver Tree Day Camp is one of the summer programs offered by the San Francisco Recreation and Park Department. I attended Silver Tree as a camper through my elementary school years. I then worked there as a junior counselor in my junior high and high school years. It was a significant part of my childhood, allowing me to experience a summer camp environment in the middle of San Francisco.

    The camp is located in Glen Canyon, just behind Glen Park Playground. In the early 60s, the camp sites were adjacent to the playground facilities. In the late 60s, a new camp building was constructed a few hundred yards into the canyon and the campsites were relocated to that area. The building featured a fairly large auditorium where kids would gather each Friday afternoon for a movie. This venue was also used on a few occasions when it rained in The City during the summer. Lunches and afternoon snacks were prepared in a full kitchen in the two-story building. A large art room and rest rooms were located on the lower level of the camp building. Just down a slope from the building was what was called Main Camp, a large fire pit, amphitheater style log seating, and a stage.

    Many of the adult counselors at Silver Tree were school teachers during the academic year. Others were full-time employees of the Recreation and Park Department. A variety of activities, including a nature hunt, treasure hunt, arts and crafts, organized games, and a trip to the San Francisco Zoo were scheduled from Monday through Friday. Campers from various playgrounds around The City became friends with other kids who were randomly assigned to their color-coded camp group. 

    In the quote above, Charles William Eliot claims that “a well-organized summer camp may be of more value educationally than a whole year of formal school work.” While that may be a stretch, I fully agree that there was an educational value for me in attending Silver Tree Day Camp as both a camper and a junior counselor. As a camper, I learned the importance of teamwork. I learned to listen and follow directions. I learned how to get along with kids I didn’t know. And I learned the importance of respecting nature.

    In my four years as a junior counselor, I learned the intricacies of leadership, the challenge of maintaining discipline, and the responsibility of being a role model for the younger kids. While I was not an adult yet, I was expected to act like an adult. I was expected to interact with campers as a leader, rather than as a peer, and to deal with emergencies in a calm, professional manner. My experience working as a junior counselor prepared me well for many of the jobs I’ve had in my life after high school. 

    I will always be grateful for the many women and men who mentored me through those years. Some of the names that come to mind include Rich Baptista, Don Ybaretta, Janice Farrell, Marcy Frank, Tony Ragusa, Al Vidal, Toni Dokes, and Don Franklin. Their influence, and the example they set for me and for the other junior counselors, provided a valuable educational opportunity which rivaled any lessons I learned in the classroom.

  • Almost There

    “The hardest thing about 
    exercise is to start doing it. 
    Once you are doing exercise 
    regularly, the hardest thing is 
    to stop it.”
    ~ Erin Gray

    It’s been a long time, and I mean a VERY long time, since I’ve walked the recommended 10,000 steps in one day. Today, I’ve already surpassed this milestone, and it’s not even 2:00 p.m. yet!

    Actually, now that I think about it, I’m sure I must have walked at least 10,000 steps in the Dallas airport in March, when my American Airlines departure gate was changed five different times, taking me to three different terminals. That was not intentional walking, but it was a wake-up call. It was upon my return home from this trip that I decided it was time to make a lifestyle change.

    I have been well-aware for many years that exercise is essential to both one’s physical and mental health. Despite knowing this, I had an incredibly difficult time finding the motivation to get up and move. Little by little, pound by pound, inch by inch, this sedentary lifestyle was taking a toll on my overall health. Sadly, even though I was aware of this progressive decline, I didn’t care. Then I took the trip to the Bahamas to say goodbye to my friend, Kim.

    Kim’s husband, Simon, picked me up at my hotel and drove me to their home in Nassau. Kim was in her bedroom when I arrived. She slowly made her way into the living room where Simon and I were sitting. It was great to see her, but I was saddened to see her struggling just to walk from one room to another in her home. We had a wonderful visit, even though we both knew it would be our last.

    Since returning home, I got to thinking about Mark Twain’s quote about reading: “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” It didn’t take long for me to acknowledge that the same is true for exercise. It was then that I decided it was time to make some changes in my life.

    For the past two weeks, I’ve been averaging between 4,000 and 6,000 steps per day. I know this falls short of the 10k recommendation, but it was a start. Today I broke the barrier. 10,000 steps is equivalent to about five miles. I can do this! And I will continue to do this.

    Michael Jordan’s father told him, “It’s never too late to do anything you want to do.” I’m grateful for the desire I now have to do what is necessary to live a healthy life.

  • Notice the Pause

    “The right word may be effective, 
    but no word was ever as effective 
    as a rightly timed pause.” 
    ~ Mark Twain

    There are many life lessons I wish I had learned earlier in my life. This is one of them: the value of the pause. I don’t know if it’s human nature or just a personality quirk, but all too often in my life I responded to challenging situations with a knee-jerk reaction. Somewhere along my life journey, I realized that such a response is most often less than effective.  

    Life is full of pauses, though many of us overlook them on a regular basis. When driving, a red light is an indication to stop. It is also an invitation to pause. There is a difference. We can stop with impatient anticipation of the light turning green, or we can take advantage of that brief pause to look around and to be consciously aware of all that is around us.

    When we arrive at a doctor or dentist office for an appointment, most often we are cordially invited to sit and wait until the medical professional is ready to see us. This period of waiting can be characterized by boredom or frustration, or we can savor the opportunity to pause in our day, grateful that absolutely nothing else is expected of us at that moment.

    For those of us who find ourselves grocery shopping in the late afternoon or early evening, we are most often confronted with inconvenience of standing in line while other customers check out ahead of us. Again, we can experience this pause as an interruption to our day, or we can consciously take advantage of the opportunity to pause, to look around, to be aware of and grateful for those who work at the store, and for the availability of the food in our basket. 

    This morning, Kathy and I were listening to a podcast of a guided meditation. The facilitator invited us focus on our breathing. I’ve done this many times. In fact, I’ve led others in a similar meditation on retreats and in classes I’ve taught. This morning’s presenter, however, added a little twist I had never considered. After urging us to focus on breathing in and breathing out, she challenged us to focus on the pause between breaths. Despite the many experiences I’ve had of similar meditative activities, I had never considered focusing on the pause. It was a powerful moment for me, one which caused me to reflect on the countless other opportunities I have each day to pause.

    Whether in our speech or actions, practicing the pause has tremendous value in how we live our lives and how effectively we relate to others. I invite you to reflect on the opportunities to pause in your life, and encourage you to be conscious of these moments. In doing so, these brief periods of time can become sacramental moments for you.

  • Bob & Cheryl

    “There are friends,
    there is family,
    and then there are 
    friends that become family.”
    ~ Unknown

    Kathy met Cheryl in the late 1960s when Kathy’s family moved to Sunnyvale from Kansas City and Kathy was enrolled at Saint Lawrence Elementary School. Their friendship began as fifth grade classmates. For several years they were teammates on the Saint Lawrence Swim Team. After their eighth grade graduation, Cheryl attended Wilcox High School, while Kathy attended Peterson High School. Not surprisingly, for a period of several years, they each lived their own lives and had their own sets of friends, but their involvement on the swim team kept them in contact with each other.

    Through the years, Cheryl met Bob and they got married. By the summer of 1984, they had two beautiful children. In August of that year, I began my work at Saint Lawrence. The parish was celebrating their 25th anniversary with a variety of social activities. One of the events was a dance for the high school students of the parish. Some of the young adults in the parish had been recruited to chaperone the dance.

    Since my new job included organizing a youth ministry program for high school parishioners, I thought it would be wise for me to check out the dance. That’s where I first met Kathy. She was standing in the foyer of the gymnasium talking with one of the women on the parish staff. She definitely got my attention. I was standing outside the gym conversing with one of the priests of the parish. When Kathy walked outside, I introduced myself to her. That would be the most life-changing introduction of my life.

    Cheryl, who lived just around the corner from the church, was there with her little ones. Shannon, who I’m guessing would have been about four years old at the time, was walking. Her little brother, Eric, was in the stroller. Cheryl had noticed my first conversation with Kathy. I guess it was pretty obvious to her that I was smitten. A little while later, Kathy introduced me to Cheryl and her kids. I met Bob a few days later.

    It didn’t take long for me to be welcomed into Kathy’s friendship with Bob and Cheryl. We got together for dinner on several occasions. One of those dinners together was just a few hours after I proposed to Kathy. We celebrated our engagement with our good friends. Not surprisingly, they attended our wedding, and the night we came home from the hospital following the birth of our first child, Cheryl prepared an amazing chicken and rice dinner for us. That was in May 1986.

    For the past 37 years, Kathy and I, as a married couple, have enjoyed our friendship with Bob and Cheryl. Watching each other’s children grow up has been a pleasure. Celebrating milestones such as birthdays, weddings, and yes, even funerals, has solidified our relationship. And now, as we all embrace our roles as grandparents, we are grateful to be able to share the joys and challenges of this new stage of life.

    Kathy and I definitely consider Bob and Cheryl to be family. In fact, when we celebrated Kathy’s milestone birthday last June, they were included in our list of family members who were invited to the party. We are grateful for their friendship, and look forward to many more years of sharing our lives together.