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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • Guy Talk

    “The royal road to a
    man’s heart is to talk
    to him about the things
    he treasures most.” 
    Dale Carnegie

    It’s no secret that women and men communicate in different ways and for different reasons. Dr. Deborah Tannen, in her book You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, explains that while women attempt to establish connection through their conversations, men often seek to establish status in the relationship. Women often attempt to seek common ground in an effort to even the playing field by saying something like, “Oh, I had a similar experience once.”

    Men, on the other hand, often try to one-up the person with whom they are speaking. “Oh, really? You think that’s bad? Ha! Let me tell you what happened to me…”

    I am not adept in how women communicate, nor do I have any particular expertise in the field of male communication. I do, however, have more than seventy years of experience communicating with men and women as a male in this often complicated world. Through those years, especially in the past forty years, I’ve learned a few things about communicating with others, particularly men, which have served me well.

    First and foremost, life is a journey, not a competition. To think that I might somehow be better than someone else because of my accomplishments in life, my level of education, or due to a particular talent with which I was blessed, is ludicrous. In the same way, it would be foolish of me to judge myself harshly because I have not achieved the level of professional success as someone else. When we do these things, we are sabotaging our relationships with other men.

    It is also healthy to recognize that not everyone has the same interests or level of knowledge in a particular area. For example, one man might be extremely well-informed regarding the ins and outs of the political scene in our country, while another may pay little attention to such things. Guys I know are gifted in the area of computers or auto maintenance, or, perhaps, they are proficient doing handyman tasks around the house. I’m not. When I need a repair done in my home or car, I consult a professional and pay to have the work done correctly. I know my strengths, my weaknesses, and my interests. 

    Some men have an insatiable need to be recognized as the expert in everything, from good wines or fine art to the current standings and statistics of every team in Major League Baseball’s National League West. Others of us, while able to enjoy a nice glass of wine, know only that there are two types of wine — red and white. In the same way, I can enjoy watching an occasional San Francisco Giants baseball game without needing to know their record, their standing in the division, or even the names of all the players on the field. 

    One thing of which I am certain about communication among men is summed up in the words of Dale Carnegie quoted above. If you want to enjoy a valuable, meaningful conversation with a guy, ask him about the things he treasures most. Invite him to share about his family, his past, his hopes and dreams, his most memorable life experiences, his most significant losses in life, or his motivation for getting out of bed each morning. You could even ask him what he fears most in life.

    If the things he treasures most are good wines, art museums, major league baseball, or fishing, go ahead and ask about such things, even though they might not be high on your list of interests. By doing so, the doors to productive conversation open and, hopefully, provide opportunities to discuss some of the things that you treasure, as well.

    Conversations are a bit like the game of tennis. If the only stroke you have is a forehand, you’re going to be continually frustrated when the ball is hit to your backhand. There is no need to perfect either stroke to play the game, but it’s important to be proficient with both.

  • To the Beach

    “The waves of the sea
    help me get back to me.” 
    Jill Davis

    Stuff happens. We all know this. Things we didn’t expect to be dealing with suddenly change the course of our lives, leaving us with no choice but to adjust. And so, we do.

    Today, Brendan and I took a drive over the hill to Santa Cruz. It was our first “field trip” — the first of many — since his surgery last Tuesday. He may be required to immobilize his knee for a while, but that doesn’t mean he can’t get out and enjoy California life. Santa Cruz has been one of Brendan’s go-to places for a long time. It’s a destination he has visited on a regular basis to relax, to think, and to nourish his soul. A simple leg injury or, as in this case, a serious surgery, isn’t going to prevent him from getting there.

    It’s unfortunate that Brendan sustained this injury just six weeks after launching his new business, True Form Basketball. After devoting several weeks to getting himself back into top physical condition, he was just getting started meeting with clients to help them improve their game. Then… snap! Just like that, the patellar tendon in his right knee ruptured and Brendan found himself in the back of an ambulance en route to Regional Medical Center in San José for surgery. Some might perceive this situation as a brick wall. Brendan sees it in a different way.

    Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon University professor who is well-known for his Last Lecture prior to losing his battle with cancer, was confronted with a serious crisis in his life. He spoke of this situation in his lecture, saying, “The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”

    Brendan’s situation might also be considered a crisis. For at least the next six months, his ability to provide instruction to basketball players will be severely limited. Player development training is now his business — his livelihood. Fortunately, Brendan knows all too well that the word “crisis” in Chinese requires two symbols: 危机. Together they mean “crisis” as we understand it in English. It’s interesting to note that when separated, these two symbols have their own unique meanings. 危 means “danger,” which shouldn’t surprise anyone. The other symbol, 机, means “opportunity.” This can apply to any crisis situation.

    Rather than sitting back and feeling sorry for himself, Brendan has made the decision to maintain a positive attitude, looking forward to the future rather than resenting what happened to him. While the danger of his situation is obvious, he has chosen to focus on the opportunities this state of affairs offers him to actively promote his business, to further develop lesson plans for practice sessions, and to make professional contacts here in the South Bay who might be able to refer potential clients to him in 2026.

    Gregory S. Williams, author of the book Petulant Shadows, wrote, “On the other side of the storm is the strength that comes from having navigated through it. Raise your sail and begin.” 

    Brendan is on his way!

  • Serving Others

    “Men and Women
    for others.” 
    Pedro Arrupe, S.J.

    After eight years at Saint Gabriel Elementary School in San Francisco, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend Saint Ignatius College Preparatory, an all-boys Jesuit high school in San Francisco. I completed my undergraduate studies at Santa Clara University and earned my Master’s degree at the University of San Francisco. Traditionally, Jesuit schools had been all-male. Santa Clara went coed in 1961, followed by USF in 1964. SI made the decision to accept girls in 1989. 

    During my four years at Saint Ignatius, I never heard the phrase “Men for Others.” I graduated in 1972, one year before the phrase was introduced by Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J., Superior General of the Society of Jesus (Jesuits), in an address to Jesuit high school alumni in Valencia, Spain. At that time, most Jesuit high school graduates were, in fact, men. In the years since then, the phrase has been adapted to recognize women educated in the Jesuit tradition: “Men and Women for Others.”

    Fr. Arrupe’s message, now embraced by Jesuit educational institutions throughout the world, challenges us to make concrete actions of love and service a priority in our lives. This is consistent with Ignatius’ fundamental belief that we are all called to share in God’s work of healing in the world. Ignatius taught that we are most human, most fulfilled, when our lives are characterized by love, service, and compassion. 

    Nelson Mandela, the first president of South Africa, echoed Ignatius’ message when he said, “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.”

    Sadly, all too many people link the significance of their life with their job title, salary, the type of car they drive, professional honors bestowed upon them, the size and location of their home, and other such trivial factors. While these things may indicate, to some, the success one has achieved in life, none of these things determine the significance of their lives. Far more important are the ways in which we have loved, served, and showed compassion to others. These will determine the true significance of our lives. 

    It’s important to recognize that such actions of love and service do not have to be done on a large scale. Some people, like Mandela and Mother Teresa, are called to make a positive difference in the lives of whole populations of people. Others, however, may be called to make a positive difference in the life of just one person or one family. 

    The time has come for us to stop judging the significance of our lives by the accumulation of worldly possessions. Loving, serving, and showing compassion to others does not require a great deal of material wealth. It is through actions such as these that we truly become “Men and Women for Others.”

  • Mother’s Day

    “When you look into
    your mother’s eyes,
    you know that is the
    purest love you can
    find on this earth.” 
    Mitch Albom

    Mom passed away in August 2022. At the time of her passing, Kathy and I had four grandchildren — Liam, Emily, Penelope, and Scarlett. Each of them had met their great-grandmother, and Mom had the opportunity to hold each of them in her arms. Henry, however, wasn’t born until January 2024. Fortunately, even at this early age, he is beginning to understand that there is one special person in his life who he never met.

    I took a photo of Mom more than ten years ago, when she was still living on 38th Avenue in The City. When I saw the image, I knew it was special. I knew it was the photo I wanted to use when she passed away. At the time, Mom was in excellent health and still had more than a decade of living ahead of her. When she died in 2022, I shared the photo with my siblings. We all agreed that it would be appropriate for her memorial services. The photo now hangs on the wall in my home office. 

    My son, Steve, and his family live just two doors down from us. Kathy has provided preschool day care for all five of our grandkids. With Penny and Scarlett now in preschool, only Henry spends his days with us. Quite often, when I’m home working in my office, Henry will come in for a visit. He likes to say hello to my miniature ceramic Shih-Tzu, which sits on my desk. Then he wants to say hello to the ceramic panda bear perched on the top shelf of one of my bookcases. After that, he turns his attention to the colorful ceramic sea turtle that resides on a different bookcase shelf. And finally, he turns his head, looks at the photo of Mom, and points to her. I don’t think he quite understands who she is and why her photo is in my office, but he definitely seems to comprehend that she is someone special.

    In the photo sequence above, taken several months ago, I sat Henry on top of the printer so that I could take a picture of him with Mom’s photo in the background. Then, without being prompted to do so, he turned and placed his hand on her hand. I am grateful to have caught this moment with my camera. He definitely knows that she holds a special place in my heart. With each passing day, I get a sense that Mom holds a special place in Henry’s heart, as well.

    Most people I know think their mother was the best Mom ever. I understand this. This is how it should be. Without minimizing the importance of any other mothers, I can say with absolute confidence that my mother was the best Mom… for me. 

    When I think about Mom, words that come to mind include such adjectives as kind, loving, compassionate, caring, forgiving, nurturing, faith-filled, knowledgeable, considerate, thoughtful, assertive, gracious, devoted, generous, perceptive, grateful, and incredibly wise. In my early years, she was just “Mom.” It was only as I gained valuable life experience that I realized what an incredible  treasure she was in my life.

    Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Mom… with tremendous gratitude. As author Mitch Albom so accurately points out in the quote above, mothers provide the purest love we can ever experience on this earth. I am grateful for Mom’s love every day, but especially today as we celebrate all mothers on Mother’s Day.   

    • • •


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  • Friends

    “Old friends pass away.
    New friends appear.” 
    Dalai Lama

    My friend, Kim, passed away two years ago today — on May 10th, 2023 — after a seven-year battle with cancer. Over a period of 48 years, Kim and I had corresponded by postal mail, email, social media, FaceTime, and an occasional phone call. Although she was one of my students at St. Augustine’s College in the Bahamas in the 1974-75 academic year, we were only six years apart in age. Our relationship, which began after I left Nassau in August 1975, was platonic from the very start. We enjoyed each other’s company. We trusted each other. After exchanging note cards and letters for four years, I returned to Nassau for a visit in August 1979. I saw her briefly during that visit. I returned again in August 1981, at which time I took Kim out to dinner to celebrate her 21st birthday. We dined at The Wharf Restaurant in the British Colonial Hotel, which is where my parents and I had celebrated my 21st birthday six years earlier. Neither of us considered it a “date.” We were just two good friends celebrating Kim’s special day.

    Kathy and I had the opportunity to visit Kim and her husband, Simon, at their home in Nassau in August 1985. Simon and Kim visited us here in California on two separate occasions. The four of us enjoyed a good, healthy relationship. 

    In 2016, Kim was diagnosed with cancer. In the years that followed, the cancer slowly spread from her uterus to her bones, and then to her brain. In mid-March 2023, Kim sent me an email informing me that her doctor had told her that she had reached the end of the road. When I read the email to Kathy, she urged me to visit Kim immediately. Two days later, I was in Nassau to say goodbye to my good friend.

    Since that time, the words of the Dalai Lama quoted above have proven to be prophetic. Kim passed away, yes, but in the two years since that time, I have been blessed to meet a number of new friends. None of these individuals take the place of Kim in my life, but all of them enrich my life in their own unique ways, and my relationships with all of them, like my friendship with Kim, are purely platonic. 

    I met Shalini in Nassau two years ago, when I visited the Bahamas to say goodbye to Kim. She and I were staying at the same hotel and we happened to meet in the lobby. She’s originally from Trinidad, though she currently lives and works in Toronto, Canada. She has been a true blessing to me in these past two years.

    Warda (in photo above) is originally from Tanzania. I met her at the Westfield Valley Fair Shopping Mall in San José where she is employed. From our first conversation, I felt as though I was speaking with a long-time friend. In this past week, through text messages and a nice lunch we shared yesterday afternoon, Warda expressed her genuine concern for Brendan’s well being following his surgery, and offered assistance if we need it. I appreciate her kindness.

    Last month, I had the opportunity to visit friends in Nassau once again. On that trip, I met a local merchant, a long-time resident of the Bahamas who works in one of the shops on Bay Street. When I visited the shop, I was overwhelmed with Christine’s gracious hospitality and outgoing personality. Again, I felt as though we had known each other for a long time. She’s one of those people who has a way of making others feel special.

    Throughout my life, I have been blessed with a number of healthy relationships. These friendships have enriched my life and nourished my soul in countless ways. I am truly grateful for all of them.   

  • It Really Does!

    “The deepest craving
    of human nature
    is the need to
    be appreciated.” 
    William James

    I have had the pleasure of spending a significant amount of time with my son Brendan these past few days. I was with him on Tuesday morning as he was wheeled away from his room at Regional Medical Center for the surgery to repair the severed tendon in his knee. I was there Tuesday afternoon when he returned from surgery. I was with him throughout the day on Wednesday, including his discharge from the hospital. In fact, I’ve been with Brendan though most of the past 48 hours, including a return to the emergency room yesterday to have the sutures checked and for his first physical therapy appointment. Through all this, I’ve noticed something significant.

    During his 48-hour stay on the third floor of Regional Medical Center, Brendan encountered countless doctors, nurses, and specialists who checked up on him. What caught my attention was the frequency with which he expressed his sincere gratitude to each of them for the care he was receiving. He verbalized his gratitude to the emergency room staff, as well, including the security guard who graciously offered to get him a wheel chair so that he would be more comfortable while waiting to be seen by the ER staff. 

    Even in our conversations in the car driving to and from the hospital, Brendan expressed his sincere gratitude to me, to Kathy, to his brothers, and to the many other family members and friends who have supported him through this challenging time. This attitude of gratitude warms my heart.

    It would be understandable if Brendan were to be bitter and resentful towards people while dealing with the pain and disappointment of this situation. Many in his position might turn their anger and frustration towards those around them. Brendan, however, has consistently expressed his gratitude throughout each day. Not surprisingly, he’s noticed that people respond to him with increased positivity.

    Gratitude really does make a difference. It makes a difference to us and to those around us. When we are grateful, and most especially when we make the effort to express our gratitude to others, we simply feel better. Those around us feel better, too. For this reason, I am convinced that gratitude has the power to heal both the mind and the body.  

    Most of us take so much for granted. Then, when we lose the ability to do something we’ve always been able to do, we lament our inability to do so. Sadly, these things happen to us from time to time. It’s up to us to decide how we’re going to deal with such disappointments. I can say with absolute certainty that gratitude makes a difference — a positive difference — in our lives and the lives of those around us. It really does!

  • Doing Nothing

    “Sometimes sitting
    and doing nothing
    is the best something
    you can do.” 
    Karen Salmansohn

    When the week began, I was planning to be in Camarillo, California this evening, a quick stop on my way to visit my brother, Tom, in Los Angeles. No one could have predicted that Brendan would have a basketball mishap on Monday morning, resulting in a ruptured patellar tendon that would require surgery on Tuesday. Needless to say, my plans for the week changed. 

    I spent the day at Regional Medical Center on Tuesday, then again on Wednesday until Brendan was finally discharged around 1:00 p.m. Soon after we returned home, Brendan noticed that there was evidence of bleeding in the bandaging of his knee. As a precautionary measure, we headed back to Regional to get it checked out. The medical team there assured Brendan that post-op bleeding was normal. They redressed the wound and we were on our way.

    Today we were back to Regional for Brendan’s first physical therapy appointment. The PT, seeing more evidence of bleeding, recommended that we return to the ER once again to have the knee checked out to make certain that the sutures were holding. Again, the staff there was awesome. After an observation, Brendan was assured that all is well. One of the nurses changed the bandages and sent us on our way.

    Now we begin the journey of a slow recovery. I say “we” because Brendan will require assistance to do a few everyday activities, as well as for transportation to and from upcoming appointments. I am grateful to have the opportunity to provide this assistance. Since I was planning to be out of town until next Thursday, I have nothing on my calendar for the next six days. After that, I will adjust my calendar, as needed, to make certain that Brendan’s needs are met. Since his “needs” at this point are minimal, I have a bit of spare time on my hands.

    The words of author Karen Salmansohn quoted above are pertinent right now. Brendan’s next scheduled appointment is on May 22nd, so for these next few days, there is nothing I need to be doing. This is a gift, because it offers the opportunity for me to do whatever I want, which, in some cases, may be nothing at all. It’s interesting to note that the Dutch have a word for this: niksen.

    The pool furniture at our complex pool is out and ready for use, so I might just head out there with a cold drink, a good book, and a vivid imagination which will enable me to visualize being in Nassau, or Montego Bay, or somewhere in Maui. With the water and sun provided, I’ll have everything I need for a pleasant virtual vacation experience.

  • Resilience

    “The journey of
    a thousand miles
    begins with one step.” 
    Lao Tzu

    Dr. Susan Kobasa is one of the leading researchers on the topic of resilience. Resilience is defined as “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties.” Kobasa identified three elements essential to being resilient:

    1. Challenge: While some individuals are paralyzed by the trauma of painful events in their lives, resilient people view a difficulty as a challenge. They consider what some might perceive to be a brick wall as an opportunity for growth.

    2. Commitment: People who are committed to the goals they have set for themselves, those who have a compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning, are better equipped to be resilient. These individuals tend to be committed not only to their work, but to their friendships and relationships, as well.

    3. Personal Control: It’s been said that we have control over only two things in life — our attitude and our effort. People who are resilient focus on those things over which they have control, which enables them to feel more empowered and confident. Kobasa points out that those who worry about uncontrollable events can often feel powerless.

    Fortunately, there are things we can do to develop a resilient mindset. 

    Ensuring balance in our lives enables us to cope more effectively with life’s challenges. This includes getting a sufficient amount of sleep (but not too much), eating well (but not too much), exercising regularly (but not too much), and focusing on our breathing when stressful situations arise.

    Positive self-talk also enhances one’s level of resilience. It is counter-productive to beat ourselves up when we make mistakes or fail to achieve a particular goal. It’s critical that we learn from our mistakes rather than allowing them to define us.

    Taking charge of our response to stressful situations, rather than simply reacting, allows us to take control and find a solution to the crisis. Remember… attitude and effort. These are the only things over which we truly have control. 

    Flexibility is also key to resilience. Situations arise when it becomes necessary to make changes, amend, or scrap our plans altogether and start over. Resilient individuals are able to do this and to move on with life.

    I mention all this today because I’ve been incredibly impressed with Brendan’s resilience this week. Just as his new business of personal basketball coaching was gaining momentum, he had a major setback. The surgery to repair his ruptured patellar tendon was successful yesterday, but it’s going to be a long, slow recovery process. This has not deterred Brendan’s commitment to fulfilling his dream. It requires a detour, for sure, but Brendan is focused and motivated to do whatever needs to be done to get back on track. This impresses me. 

    Within hours of completion of the surgery, Brendan was up and walking (with crutches) in the hallway of Regional Medical Center. He knows he has a long road ahead. He is also well aware that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

  • Ouch!!!

    “Strength shows not only
    in the ability to persist,
    but in the ability
    to start over.” 
    F. Scott Fitzgerald

    It happened in a split second yesterday morning. As Brendan elevated to slam-dunk the basketball, it snapped — his patellar tendon. Ruptured. The staff at 24 Hour Fitness called for an ambulance, which took Brendan to Regional Medical Center in San José where he will undergo surgery today. 

    Brendan’s mindset is amazingly positive at this point. He has always been aware of the risk involved in basketball. He’s been fortunate to have played for so many years without a major injury — until now. This one is debilitating. 

    I sent Brendan a text last night with the words of Kobe Bryant, who also suffered a significant leg injury in his playing days. His words are inspirational:

    “Be sad. Be mad. Be frustrated. Scream. Cry. Sulk. When you wake up you will think it was just a nightmare only to realize it’s all too real. You will be angry and wish for the day back, the game back, THAT play back. But reality gives nothing back and nor should you. Time to move on and focus on doing everything in your power to prepare for surgery, ask all the questions to be sure you understand fully the procedure so that you may visualize it in your subconscious while being operated on and better the chance of it’s success. Then focus on the recovery process day by day by day. 

    “It’s a long journey, but if you focus on the mini milestones along the way you will find beauty in the struggle of doing simple things that, prior to this injury, were taken for granted. This will also mean that when you return you will have a new perspective. You will be so appreciative of being able to stand, walk, run that you will train harder than you ever have. You see the belief within you grow with each mini milestone and you will come back a better player for it. Best of luck to you on this journey, my brother.”

    “This, too, shall pass,” a common phrase which can be traced back to 13th century Persia, is also something to consider at this point in time. Stuff happens. We can paralyze ourselves and get stuck in asking the question “Why?”, or we can acknowledge that there is no answer to that question and focus, rather, on the question, “Where do I go from here?”

    Brendan is strong. He’s passionate about the game of basketball. He has so much to offer younger players on the fundamentals of the game. This is a setback, for sure, but he’ll overcome this injury. I am confident that this experience is going to make Brendan even stronger, both physically and mentally. 

  • A Simple Word

    “There is no never…
    Just long periods
    of not yet.” 
    Solenn Housaff

    More often than not, I make an effort to approach life with a positive attitude. I like to think of myself as a “glass half full” kind of guy. Since November 2006, I have embraced an attitude of gratitude, which requires a mindset of positivity. While my life is not perfect, a positive outlook on life keeps me believing that anything is possible. Some things just haven’t happened… yet.

    There is a huge difference between “I can’t do this” and “I can’t do this… yet.” The first phrase ends the story. It shuts down the possibility of achieving something we believe we are incapable of achieving. The second phrase, however, is open to the possibility that anything can happen. It exudes hope. “I can’t do this… yet” leaves the door open to achieving what we might previously have believed to be unachievable.

    Philip Tah, a U.S. Army chaplain, encouraged soldiers to embrace the power of “yet.” He said, “If you haven’t found it yet, keep searching. If you haven’t become it yet, keep striving. If you haven’t completed it yet, keep working. But by all means, never shut yourself out of what remains possible.”

    The power of “yet” allows us to reimagine any negative thoughts we might have and see them as opportunities for hope and accomplishment. Consider the possibilities:

    I don’t know… yet.
    This doesn’t work… yet. 
    I don’t understand this… yet. 
    This doesn’t make sense… yet.
    I’m not good at this… yet. 
    I don’t get it… yet.

    When we add this simple three letter word to our negative responses, we create opportunities for ourselves to exceed expectations — even our own. We acknowledge that, while we may not be capable of doing something right now, we are open to the possibility of learning something new or developing a skill we might not currently possess, which might enable us to complete the task successfully.  

    This same sense of positivity can be applied to our lives. My all-time favorite “yet” quote was penned by Anne Frank. She wrote, “What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t even happened yet.”    

    Perhaps there is truth in the popular saying: The best is yet to come!

    •                    •                    •

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