A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • Gratitude Walks

    “If you are in
    a bad mood,
    go for a walk.
    If you are still
    in a bad mood,
    go for another walk.”
    ~ Hippocrates

    It’s no secret that walking is good for us. The health benefits of engaging in a regular walking routine have been well-documented:
    • Effective weight management 
    • Increased metabolism 
    • Improved heart health 
    • Enhanced self-image 
    • Toned muscles 
    • Increased energy level 
    • Stronger bones & joints 
    • Reduced stress 
    • Strengthened immune system 
    • Lower risk of high blood pressure.
    There is no doubt that intentionally scheduling walking time into our days can be beneficial to us.

    Walking has other benefits, as well. One, in particular, is that walking offers us the opportunity to consciously focus on the people, experiences, and opportunities in our life for which we are grateful. For this reason, I like to think of the walks I take as gratitude walks.

    I often pop-in my air pods and listen to music on Pandora while I walk. Occasionally, rather than reminiscing about the memories associated with the songs I hear, I choose to avoid that distraction and allow myself to be totally focused on the present moment. These can be moments of absolute grace. Engaging in this practice allows me to focus more attentively on all the things in my life for which I am grateful.

    One of my favorite places to walk is Saratoga Creek Park in West San José. Located along the east side of the sound wall of Lawrence Expressway, between Doyle Road and Graves Avenue, the paved path provides a safe and serene environment for both pedestrians and cyclists. Along the path, there are stretches of open grass, a variety of trees, a dozen or so picnic tables, and a few benches. Clean rest rooms are available for park users. I usually spend about 45 minutes to an hour walking at this park. My step-count is normally about 5,000 for each visit.

    In the event of rain, I like to walk in the Westfield Valley Fair Mall on Stevens Creek Boulevard. The large, two-level mall provides a safe, comfortable environment for indoor walking. There, I usually walk about 5,000 to 7,000 steps per visit. The greatest challenge of walking at the mall is the plethora of eating establishments — Shake Shack, California Pizza Kitchen, Coldstone Creamery, Onigilly Japanese Kitchen, Panda Express, and Pizza My Heart, just to name a few. The most tempting, however, is Cinnabon. The pleasant aroma of freshly baked cinnamon rolls is a constant temptation.

    About once each month, I take the train from Santa Clara to San Francisco to enjoy a day of walking in The City. The step-count for these excursions can range from 18,000 to as many as 32,000. On these days, I convince myself that I’ve earned a treat or two along the way. It might be a pastry at Caffe Trieste in North Beach, a soft serve ice cream cone from Gott’s in the Ferry Building, or a burger and beer at Frankie’s Restaurant at South Beach Harbor. 

    All of these walking options provide opportunities for me to meet people, especially my walks in The City. Whether I’m at Ghirardelli Square, walking along Fisherman’s Wharf, passing by Pier 39, or enjoying my soft serve ice cream overlooking San Francisco Bay behind the Ferry Building, I most often find myself engaged in conversations with visitors to The City from around the world. The experience energizes me. 

    Hippocrates was right about walking having the potential to improve one’s mood. I always feel better about myself, my life, and the world after a good brisk walk.

  • Half Moon Bay

    “What fire could
    ever equal
    the sunshine of
    a winter’s day?” 
    ~ Henry David Thoreau

    Despite the fact that the official start of winter (December 21st) is still more than two weeks away, we’re in the month of December now. Most of us, I would think, consider December to be part of the season of winter. For this reason, I was immensely grateful for the spectacular day I enjoyed yesterday in Half Moon Bay.

    Walking along the water’s edge, the air was a comfortable 64º. An occasional gust of a light breeze reminded me that it was December. In the direct sunshine, however, the temperature felt more like the mid-70º’s. The sky, water, waves, rocks, and beach provided a serene backdrop for my gratitude walk.

    It’s unfortunate that during the first eighteen years of my life, I rarely took advantage of the opportunity to spend time at the beach. Our family home on 38th Avenue in San Francisco was just ten short blocks from the Pacific Ocean. I have no recollection of ever walking to the beach to watch the sun set over the horizon. I did spend a few late-night weekend evenings during my early college years parked in the lot at the end of Sloat Boulevard enjoying the submarine races with a special friend. Never, however, did I spend time alone looking out over the ocean while thinking or praying about my life, my future, or the many blessings I received in my youth.

    Having spent most of the past fifty-two years living in the Santa Clara Valley, I’ve missed being near the water. Now, I appreciate opportunities to spend time at beaches in The City, Half Moon Bay, Santa Cruz, and Pacific Grove. Whether I’m walking, sitting on a lawn chair or bench, or enjoying the view from an oceanside restaurant, I am tremendously grateful for the opportunity to breathe the fresh ocean air and take in the scenic views.

    I began my adventure in Half Moon Bay yesterday with a walk along the pedestrian path near Miramar Beach. At several vantage points, I stopped to enjoy watching the incessant parade of waves rolling in. The gentle roar of the surf provided the perfect soundtrack for the experience. At one point, I just sat on a bench overlooking the bay and savored the overwhelming feelings of gratitude and solitude. I couldn’t help but wonder why I didn’t do this more often.

    Before returning to the South Bay, I enjoyed a nice visit with my cousin, Debbie. She had driven down to Half Moon Bay from her home in Pacifica to meet me for a late lunch at the Miramar Beach Restaurant. Despite the calendar showing that it’s now December, we sat at a table on the outdoor patio with a view of the warm sun shining on the bay. It was delightful!

    In light of this experience, one I hope to replicate on a more regular basis, I am better equipped to understand the insightful query of Henry David Thoreau quoted above. 

  • Humility

    “The graveyards
    are full of
    indispensable men.”
    ~ Charles de Gaulle

    It’s so easy for us to believe that we are indispensable. It’s so easy to convince ourselves that if we were to leave an organization, the void would be devastating to those left behind. In reality, life doesn’t often work this way. Such an attitude is usually evidence of two major character flaws — ignorance and arrogance.

    It is well and good to see oneself as a vital, contributing member of an organization. It is healthy to believe that our words, actions, and efforts actually make a difference, a positive difference, in the lives of others. In reality, though, is anyone truly indispensable? Coach John Wooden didn’t think so.

    Coach Wooden led the UCLA Bruins men’s basketball team to ten national championships over a twelve year period. How could anyone possibly fill his shoes after a stellar coaching career like that? Surely he, of all people, must be indispensable, yes? Coach Wooden himself said, “No!” In fact, one of Coach Wooden’s favorite poems was Ode to the Indispensable Man, by Ogden Nash.

    Sometime when you’re feeling important,
    Sometime when your ego’s in bloom,
    Sometime when you take it for granted,
    You’re the best qualified in the room.

    Sometime when you feel that your going
    Would leave an unfillable hole,
    Just follow this simple instruction
    And see how it humbles your soul.

    Take a bucket and fill it with water;
    Put your hand in it up to the wrist.
    Pull it out, and the hole that’s remaining
    Is the measure of how you’ll be missed.

    You may splash all you please when you enter;
    You can stir up the water galore;
    But stop, and you’ll find in a minute,
    That it looks quite the same as before.

    The moral in this quaint example
    Is to do just the best that you can.
    Be proud of yourself, but remember,
    There’s no indispensable man!

    One of the commonly-overlooked keys to success in life is humility — that is, being aware of one’s giftedness, but not flaunting it. Genuinely humble people are more concerned with sharing their gifts with others than with being recognized for their accomplishments. Truly humble people are filled with a sense of gratitude for the giftedness with which they have been blessed.

    No one is indispensable! The sooner we learn this lesson, the better off we will be.

  • Keep It Going

    “Joy is the
    simplest form
    of gratitude.” 
    ~ Karl Barth

    Thanksgiving is over. There’s no more leftover turkey. Out-of-town visitors are on their way back home. Thanksgiving Day 2024 is now a part of history. Giving thanks, however, goes on.

    Giving thanks is not a once-a-year activity. Gratitude is a mindset, one which enables us to see and experience life and those around us through the lens of gratitude each and every day. 

    I’ve been thinking about, writing about, and focusing on gratitude for the past eighteen years. I am well aware of the benefits, both physical and emotional, of embracing a life of gratefulness and of regularly expressing my gratitude to those around me. It truly is transformative, yet doing so can also be extraordinarily challenging at times.

    On most days, I wake up in the morning filled with gratitude, optimistic about the day to come, and highly motivated to make a positive difference in the lives of those I encounter throughout the day. Other days, however, can be very different. There are mornings when, regardless of the weather outside, I wake up to dark clouds and a sense of gloom. Some call it melancholy or a funk. Others might identify it as depression. Whatever name we choose to give it, I cannot help but feel dispirited by the negativity I sense on such mornings. 

    I’ve found that there are a few things I can do to lift my spirits when I’m feeling down. Going for a walk is exceptionally beneficial. Moving my body, breathing the fresh air, noticing and appreciating the beauty of God’s creation around me, and graciously acknowledging the presence of those I encounter along the way all contribute to increased feelings of peace and joy. 

    Doing something positive for someone else also immediately increases my level of joy and contentment. When I’m driving, something as simple as slowing down a bit to allow another driver to merge safely into my lane can be helpful. Holding the door open for someone entering or exiting a building can have a similar result. Smiling at a stranger I encounter and greeting them with a simple “Good morning” or nod of the head can bring a sense of peace to my life — and, hopefully, to theirs.

    Each day, if we make a concerted effort to be aware of the possibilities around us, we have countless opportunities to make a positive difference in the lives of others. Doing so allows us to experience greater joy in our day. Swiss theologian Karl Barth was right. Joy really is the simplest form of gratitude. Living with a genuine sense of joy is beneficial not only to those with whom we come in contact, but to ourselves, as well. 

  • One Simple Choice

    “When we focus on what’s right
    instead of what’s wrong,
    life improves considerably.”
    ~ Hal Urban

    It seems to be human nature to focus on what’s wrong in life and to take what’s going well for granted. I wish I could explain this phenomenon, but I’m unable to do so. I know from my own lived experience, however, that it’s true.

    On many occasions throughout my life, I’ve been evaluated — as a teacher, author, and speaker. When I had the opportunity to read the evaluations, I often found myself focusing on the few negative comments which showed up — and inevitably they did. Even when I was confident that I had done a good job, there would always be those few who were not impressed, and had no qualms about expressing their disappointment in an anonymous evaluation. That’s the way life is.

    Why is it, then, that when 95% of the evaluations were positive, I found myself fixated on the other 5%?

    After reading Hal Urban’s first book 20 Things I Want My Kids to Know (the book was republished with the title 20 Gifts of Life) many years ago, I found one point to be particularly challenging. Would my life really improve considerably if I could focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong in life? It didn’t take long for me to learn the answer to this question: Absolutely!!!

    Life is never going to be perfect. The people around me are never going to be perfect. I am never going to be perfect. Yet I have to believe that everyone is doing the best they can, given their unique situation. This mindset enables me to be a bit more understanding, accepting, and forgiving of those who fail to meet my expectations. This also allows me to be significantly more grateful for the people and situations in my life. In trying to focus on what’s good in those around me, and in looking for the good in every situation I encounter, life does improve — considerably.

    In recent years, a simple phrase has emerged in our culture which helps me to accept things as they are — and to focus on what’s good instead of what’s wrong. “It is what it is.” While I’m not a big fan of this phrase for a number of reasons, it is a simple statement, and has so often proven to be true. Acknowledging this helps me to remember that I have a choice in every situation. I can focus on how I wish things were, and be constantly frustrated, or I can focus on how things are, and be genuinely grateful. Focusing on what’s right, instead of what’s wrong, has most definitely improved my life.

  • Be the Light

    “Hope is being able
    to see that there is light
    despite all of the darkness.” 
    Desmond Tutu

    Ernest Hemingway once wrote, “We are all broken. That’s how the light gets in.” It’s difficult to disagree on the brokenness part of his statement. We are human, therefore we are all, in some way, broken. And that’s okay.

    I have always tried to maintain a positive outlook on life. Why shouldn’t I? When I was seventeen years old, I sustained an ankle injury which got infected. Not realizing the severity of the injury, I tried to conceal it from my parents, as I was scheduled to depart on June 24, 1971 for a summer of work in Jamaica and I didn’t want anything to jeopardize the trip. Fortunately, on June 17th, my mother notice that I was favoring my left ankle as I walked, and inquired about it. Reluctantly, I showed her the injury. Within hours, I was in isolation at Saint Mary’s Hospital in San Francisco where I remained for ten days. Upon hearing of my plans to go to Jamaica, the doctor informed us that if I had successfully hid the injury and departed as scheduled, there was a good chance that I would have lost either my leg or my life. 

    Reflecting on that incident, as I have many times, I’ve realized that there is a purpose for my life, one which, at that time, I had not yet fulfilled.

    Throughout my life, I have enjoyed many opportunities which have been presented to me. To be grateful, therefore, has not been much of a challenge for me. Sure, like anyone else, I’ve had some challenging times. There have been periods of my life when the dark clouds of despair or uncertainty have hovered above my head. Generally speaking, however, my life has been blessed with far more good times than bad.

    In recent weeks (months?), those clouds have been present again. They haven’t been the type of low clouds which create a dense fog through which it has been difficult to see and function. Rather, they have been the type of clouds which effectively prevent the warm rays of light from reaching and nurturing my soul. Despite my desire to see the world around me Through the Lens of Gratitude, I have found it difficult to do so.

    My purpose for creating A Beacon of Light was to shine a light of positivity and gratefulness in the world around me. Those who follow this blog may or may not have noticed that I’ve written very little in recent weeks. I’ve wanted to write, but I simply couldn’t. Given the struggles I was enduring, I found myself lacking the motivation and ability to write with the degree of positivity and integrity needed to inspire others. I needed someone or something to be the light for me.

    Something happened today. Just as the clouds part after a rain storm and allow the sunlight to shine brightly on the land, I noticed a break in the darkness which had enveloped my life recently. For the first time in quite a while, I felt nourished by the warmth of the light I have so desperately missed. I have been savoring this feeling throughout the afternoon. I’m hopeful that I will wake up tomorrow morning to clear skies and brilliant light. Perhaps this will enable me to resume my writing — and continue to effectively share the positivity and gratitude which have been such pillars of strength in my life.

    We can all look for ways to be the light for others.

  • October

    “Anyone who thinks
    fallen leaves are dead
    has never watched them
    dancing on a windy day.” 
    Shira Tamir

    The well-quoted phrase, “The only constant in life is change,” is attributed to the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus. His prophetic words are as valid today as when they were first uttered in the 6th century B.C.

    I moved from my childhood home in San Francisco to San José in late August 1972 to attend college. The Santa Clara Valley was still known as “The Valley of Heart’s Delight.” Dozens of orange, prune, apple, cherry, and apricot orchards were spread out over acres of fertile farming land. I had no idea, at that time, how the South Bay would be transformed into the congested, highly-priced Silicon Valley of today. So much has changed.

    I’ve noticed that the commute in and out of San Francisco is the opposite of what it was in the early 70’s when workers tended to live in the suburbs and work in The City. The morning traffic at that time was going into San Francisco from the peninsula and South Bay. Today, those working in the technology industry seem to prefer living in The City and commuting to Silicon Valley for their jobs. The morning commute is a mass exodus from the City by the Bay.

    As a firefighter in San Francisco, my Dad regularly came home with amazing stories of fires he responded to throughout The City. Fire fighters fought fires. Today, according to S.F. Gate newspaper, 70% of calls for service are for medical assistance, not firefighting. I’m guessing this is probably true for fire departments throughout the greater San Francisco Bay Area, as well.

    In the early 70’s, my normal bedtime was well after midnight. Accordingly, I tried to sleep-in until 7 or 8 a.m. More often than not, I skipped breakfast, indulged in fast food options, and often joined my friends for 11 p.m. Round Table pizza runs after a couple of hours of playing basketball. My weight remained a constant 210 in those years. Today, my preferred bedtime is 9:30 p.m., with a wake-up call at 5:30. Breakfast is the most important meal of my day. I avoid fast foods and I choose not to eat anything after 7:00 p.m. This helps me to maintain my current weight (218 as of this morning.)

    When I graduated from Santa Clara University, I made the decision to remain here in the Santa Clara Valley. I had no desire to return to the damp, foggy weather in San Francisco’s Sunset District. I liked it hot. I loved spending time out in the sun. The darker my tan, the better, right? Well, this, too, has changed. I still enjoy warm weather, but I opt for shade whenever possible. When it gets too hot here in the San José area, I take CalTrain to San Francisco to enjoy the cooler temperatures there. In this part of my life, too, the script has been flipped.

    Tonight I’m going to attend a high school football game. Bellarmine College Prep, where I worked for five years, is hosting St. Ignatius College Prep, where I spent my four years of high school, at San José City College. In the ’70’s, Bellarmine was one of the perennial football powerhouses of the West Catholic Athletic League. S.I. has struggled through the years to compete with South Bay schools, where Pop Warner football is quite popular and prepares kids well for the competition of high-level WCAL football. Tonight, S.I. enters the game in first place, undefeated in league play. They knocked off the pre-season favorite, Junipero Serra High School (San Mateo), two weeks ago. Bellarmine, on the other hand, is winless in league play. Of course, when these two teams walk onto the field of play, season records and rankings mean nothing. I’m looking forward to a well-played contest.

    Yes, life is all about change. We are reminded of this each October as we observe the changing colors of the leaves on trees throughout the valley and savor the sounds of fallen leaves crunching underfoot. I wholeheartedly agree with the words of Canadian author L.M. Montgomery. She wrote, “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”

  • Pumpkin Spice

    “The heat of autumn
    is different from
    the heat of summer.
    One ripens apples,
    the other turns them
    to cider.” 
    Jane Hirshfield

    When I think of the season of autumn, I think of words like brisk, cozy, chilly, and colorful. I also find myself immersed in a pumpkin-spice culture: pumpkin-spice latte, pumpkin-spice breads and muffins, pumpkin-spice milkshakes, pumpkin-spice Oreos and protein bars, pumpkin-spice shoe laces,… well, that might be going a bit too far. Generally speaking, however, it’s a wonderful time of year. And although the inevitable cooler days of autumn will eventually arrive, it’s not uncommon for us to experience a few warmer-than-usual days in this season of transition. Such will be the case in this upcoming week.

    Predicted temperatures for the next four days in the West-San José/Campbell neighborhoods are as follows: Monday – 97º, Tuesday – 104º, Wednesday – 102º, and Thursday – 97º. A more seasonable 85º is predicted for Friday. While this might prompt some to point out the reality of global warming, late-summer and early-autumn heat waves are nothing new. In the greater San Francisco Bay Area, the term “Indian Summer” has been used for decades to justify the hotter-than-usual days of September and October. By the end of October, I expect that we’ll be back to seasonal norms here in Silicon Valley.

    I have to admit that I enjoy the warmer weather, knowing that it’s temporary and that it will soon be replaced by those brisk, cozy, and chilly days of November we’ve come to expect. Tuesday’s high of 104º is a bit daunting. I’m hoping to escape the heat and enjoy another day of walking in San Francisco, where the high will be only 85º, which, for San Franciscans, is roasting or hella-hot, depending upon your generation. And if I happen to pass a Jamba Juice shop along the way, I’ll probably stop-in to pick up a pumpkin-spice smoothie.

  • The Guru of Gratitude

    Brother David Steindl-Rast has made a name for himself as the “Guru of Gratitude.” His insights into what it means to be happy in life, and his claim that gratitude is the key to happiness, has inspired thousands of women and men around the world.

    I invite you to take a break — a 24-minute break — and listen to the words of this simple, grateful, enlightened man:

  • The Question

    “Here is the test
    to find whether your
    mission on Earth
    is finished:
    if you’re alive,
    it isn’t.” 
    Richard Bach

    “Why am I here?” Four simple words. One fundamental question.

    When I was a child, the question was posed as a cute invitation to dream about my future. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” There were no right or wrong answers to this question.

    During my adolescence, the question took on a bit more meaning, yet it was still a harmless, perhaps somewhat challenging query inviting me to identify a potential direction and purpose for my life. 

    In my young adult years, the question took on a bit more urgency. I was old enough to give serious consideration to what I wanted to do with my life, as well as to what, if anything, I was being called to do. It was more important at this point that decisions I made regarding my education, my values, and my lifestyle be consistent with my life goals. No longer was I being asked about my dreams for the future. Those dreams, by this point, were expected to be reflected in a tangible plan of action with an identifiable sense of direction.

    When I got married, my answer to the “Why am I here?” question was still not fully formed. At this point, it was essential that I consider the needs, desires, and well-being of others — specifically my wife and our children. No longer did I have the luxury of thinking only of myself. I was part of a team now.

    Throughout my professional career, I often contemplated the question “Why am I here?” I spent 31 years of my life employed at St. Lawrence parish and high school in Santa Clara, California. I felt called to be there. Literally. In the spring of 1984, I received an unsolicited phone call from an acquaintance who worked at the parish elementary school. He told me of a position the pastor was looking to fill which required a diversity of skills, all of which I possessed. I initially declined the offer, but when urged to do so, I agreed to attend an interview with the pastor. Much to my surprise, I walked out of that meeting having accepted the job. It proved to be providential, as this is where I met my wife.

    In 1994, after ten years of working primarily for the parish, with limited responsibilities in the high school, I again received an unexpected phone call. This time, the principal of the high school invited me to accept a full-time position in the school. The timing of his invitation was opportune, as leadership at the parish level had changed and the work environment had become increasingly distressing. 

    During my first six years working in the high school, I had a strong sense of why I was there. The school was providing a unique learning environment for some of the most vulnerable Catholic students in the Santa Clara Valley. I had a sense of purpose. I experienced a strong sense of community among the faculty, students, and parents. I knew I was making a positive difference in the school and in the lives of my students. Unfortunately, in the spring of 2001, the pastor of the parish overstepped his bounds and needlessly replaced the principal, the man who, more than anyone else, was responsible for the emerging success of the school.

    I continued to work in the high school for fifteen more years, during which time I witnessed a slow, but steady deterioration of the treasured institution it had become. During those years, there was a consistent decline in enrollment, a loss of the sense of the identity and mission of the school, and a sharp downturn in morale among faculty, students, and parents. By 2015, I’d had enough. At that point in my career, I was unable to come up with an answer to the “Why am I here?” question. Out of concern for my own physical and mental well-being, I submitted my resignation effective June 2015.   

    In the nine years since my retirement, I regained a sense of purpose in life. I learned to embrace the reality that gratitude makes a difference. For this reason, I devoted much of my time during this period to publishing six books and speaking on the topic of gratefulness.

    I turned 70 in June. With both my teaching and writing careers behind me, I am again confronted with the “Why am I here?” question. I reflect on this question every day. My three sons are self-sufficient adults. They, along with my wife and five grandchildren, continue to enrich my life. Still, I can’t help but ponder the reason for my existence at this point. With inspiration from a few books I’ve read and, recently, from a number of podcasts I’ve listened to, I am able to answer the question yet again. I am here today to be kind. 

    Opportunities to be kind to others present themselves every day — multiple times each day. It may be just a smile, an acknowledgment that the other exists, or it might involve a lengthy conversation with someone who just needs someone to listen attentively to them. It may be helping someone carry their bags of groceries or preparing a cup of hot coffee for a construction worker doing a small job in my home. It may be making time to have breakfast or lunch with someone who is lonely or feels isolated in the world today, or it might involve expressing my condolences to a friend who has recently lost a parent or spouse.

    Every day there are countless opportunities to simply be kind to others. In 2024, this is my job. This is my calling. This is my response to that fundamental question: “Why am I here?”