A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • Ooops!

    Guest Post by
    Jojo Bennington

    I love this analogy!

    You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere. Why did you spill the coffee?

    “Because someone bumped into me!!!” 

    Wrong answer.

    You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup. Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea. Whatever is inside the cup is what will spill out.

    Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It’s easy to fake it, until you get rattled.

    So we have to ask ourselves, “What’s in my cup?”

    When life gets tough, what spills over? Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? Anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions? Life provides the cup, YOU choose how to fill it.

    Today let’s work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation, kindness, gentleness and love for others.

  • A Constant Struggle

    “Keep your needs
    and wants simple
    and enjoy what you have.” 
    Henry David Thoreau

    Discerning between what we need and what we want can be a constant struggle for many of us. One of the primary goals of advertising today is to convince consumers that we absolutely need whatever it is that is being promoted in the ad — and most advertising does this quite effectively. With no prior thought about a particular product, a 30-second ad can make us believe that we couldn’t possibly survive without the item being sold. And so we buy.

    The words of American psychologist Clark Moustakas on this matter are disconcertingly true. He warned, “When a person acts without knowledge of what he thinks, feels, needs, or wants, he does not yet have the option of choosing to act differently.” Despite this, we claim that we are free to do as we desire. Most of us are grateful for the free will we’ve been given to choose for ourselves from among many options. Sadly, we surrender this option far too often by not taking the time to reflect on the one simple question we should ask ourselves prior to most purchases: “Do I really need this or do I just want it?”

    We have the ability to simplify our lives by not burdening ourselves with a collection of unnecessary possessions. Take a look around your home. How many items, which at one time seemed like absolute needs, turned out to be nothing more than wants? I’m guessing there are a few, and I’d venture to say that you don’t even want some of those items today.

    As we begin the process of selecting the ideal Christmas gift for a family member or friend, we may not be concerned about the person’s actual need for what we get them. When purchasing for ourselves, however, it would be beneficial, now and throughout the year, for us to ask the simple question: “Do I need it or do I want it?”

    There is a difference! 

  • The White Envelope

    “No one is useless
    in this world
    who lightens the burden
    of another.” 
    Charles Dickens

    This story was originally published in the December 14, 1982 issue of Woman’s Day magazine by Nancy W. Gavin.

    • • •

    It’s just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past ten years or so.

    It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas – oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it – overspending… the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma — the gifts given in desperation because you couldn’t think of anything else.

    Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way.

    Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended; and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church. These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes.

    As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler’s ears. It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford.

    Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn’t acknowledge defeat.

    Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, “I wish just one of them could have won,” he said. “They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them.”

    Mike loved kids – all kids – and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse. That’s when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church.

    On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition–one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.

    The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

    As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn’t end there.

    You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more.

    Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing to take down the envelope.

    Mike’s spirit, like the Christmas spirit will always be with us.

  • Gratitude & Grief

    “When you are sorrowful,
    look again in your heart
    and you shall see that, in truth,
    you are weeping for that
    which has been your delight.” 
    Kahlil Gibran

    Our family celebration of Thanksgiving yesterday was… well,… gratifying. The presence of our three sons, two daughters-in-law, and four grandchildren warmed my heart. There were several points throughout the day when I seized the moment and paused, with gratitude, of course, to take in the reality of where I was and who was around me. There were also a couple of times when I was reminded of Thanksgiving dinners in the past. Those memories took me back to my maternal grandmother’s home on Marsily Street in San Francisco and to our family home on 38th Avenue — all wonderful memories.

    Before going to bed last night, I did what many people my age do before going to bed each night: I checked Facebook. In doing so, I happened to see the image posted above. It reminded me, yet again, of those who are no longer here to celebrate the holiday with us. It also reminded me that several of my friends, who lost significant loved ones in 2023, were undoubtedly grieving those losses last night.

    After my Dad’s unexpected death in 2008, the holidays were tough for me. Even though only one person was missing from the Thanksgiving dinner table that year, it seemed as though the whole world was empty. I struggled through that holiday season grieving the loss of the most influential man in my life. 

    The first holiday season without a loved one can be a challenge. Some speak about the image of “the empty chair” and how that can be such a devastating reminder of our loss. At Thanksgiving dinner 2008, there was no empty chair. My Mom directed me to sit in my Dad’s chair at the table. It was an emotional experience.

    I think it’s important to remind ourselves that during this season of gratitude, it’s not necessary to force ourselves to be grateful. It is possible, however, for us to embrace our grief and yet still be filled with gratitude for the people in our lives who help us to navigate our way through such a difficult time. Yes, we miss our departed loved one, but we wouldn’t miss them so much if we didn’t love them so much. That love, in itself, can be a source of gratitude. It is understandable and acceptable to be sad for who we’ve lost, yet thankful for those who are still with us.

    Washington Irving was an American short-story writer in the early 19th century. His words speak to the value of embracing our grief:

    “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”

    As I looked around the room last night with thoughts of the absence of my parents and grandparents, I was struck by the realization that even though they were not present, their legacy lives on in the love and traditions of our family. 

    There is no predetermined script for grieving our losses. Our experience of grief is as unique as our fingerprint. One thing we can do, however, to honor someone we have lost is for us to emulate the things we loved most about our departed loved one. As American novelist Sarah Dessen tell us, “Grieving does not make you imperfect. It makes you human.” 

  • Grateful for… You!

    “Showing gratitude is
    one of the simplest,
    yet most powerful things
    humans can do for each other.” 
    Randy Pausch

    It’s 11:30 on Thursday morning — Thanksgiving Day 2023. The brilliant sunlight is highlighting the fall colors of the trees outside my window. What a show! Our home is filled with the delightful aroma of the twenty-pound turkey baking in the oven. Again this year, Kathy is putting together a delicious feast for our family to celebrate this special day. Am I grateful? Oh, yeah.

    Although I mention this every year, I’ll say it again today: Thanksgiving is my favorite day of the year. Gratitude has been the dominant theme in my life for the past seventeen years, yet I continue to be challenged by the insightful words of Charles Dickens. He wrote, “Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” No one’s life has been perfect. We’ve all experienced difficult times and experiences. Despite this, there is still so much for which to be grateful.

    During my seventeen-year gratitude journey, I’ve learned much about the power of gratitude. To embrace it, to experience it, and to express it can be life-changing. Gratitude does, without a doubt, make a difference. Brother David Steindl-Rast is considered to be one of the gurus of gratitude in the world today. He points out, “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” A profound thought, for sure.

    Sadly, it is all too common for people to deprive themselves of the joy of gratitude by constantly comparing themselves to those around them. President Theodore Roosevelt warned, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” There will always be those who have more — a nicer car, a bigger home, etc. It’s easy to focus on what others have and feel deprived or deficient. The words of Ernest Hemingway encourage us to look at our lives in a different way. He wrote, “Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what is there.”

    With the Christmas season just around the corner, there will be countless opportunities for all of us to be generous with what we have, even if all we have is time. We can express our gratitude for our own gifts by doing things for others. William Arthur Ward pointed out, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Why would we ever do this?

    On this Thanksgiving Day, I would like to express my sincere gratitude to you — whoever you are. If you are reading this blog post, you are a part of my life, even if we’ve never met. As a writer, I am tremendously grateful for those who take the time to read what I’ve written. I hope my words make a positive difference in your life. 

  • Make a Difference!

    “We need to keep our
    small businesses healthy
    in order to keep our
    economy strong.” 
    Keith Haynes

    Sure it’s easier to purchase what we need on Amazon. And yes, there are some very nice chain restaurants which serve a delicious meal. The big box stores? They serve a purpose, too. With this in mind, let’s take a quick look at why one might consider supporting a small, local business instead. This list comes from the Institute for Local Self-Reliance.

    1.  Local Character and Prosperity

    In an increasingly homogenized world, communities that preserve their one-of-a-kind businesses and distinctive character have an economic advantage.

    2.  Community Well-Being

    Locally owned businesses build strong communities by sustaining vibrant town centers, linking neighbors in a web of economic and social relationships, and contributing to local causes.

    3. Local Decision-Making

    Local ownership ensures that important decisions are made locally by people who live in the community and who will feel the impacts of those decisions.

    4.  Keeping Dollars in the Local Economy

    Compared to chain stores, locally owned businesses recycle a much larger share of their revenue back into the local economy, enriching the whole community.

    5.  Jobs and Wages

    Locally owned businesses create more jobs locally and, in some sectors, provide better wages and benefits than chains do.

    6.  Entrepreneurship

    Entrepreneurship fuels America’s economic innovation and prosperity and serves as a key means for families to move out of low-wage jobs and into the middle class.

    7.  Public Benefits and Costs

    Local stores in town centers require comparatively little infrastructure and make more efficient use of public services relative to big box stores and strip shopping malls.

    8.  Environmental Sustainability

    Local stores help to sustain vibrant, compact, walkable town centers-which, in turn, are essential to reducing sprawl, automobile use, habitat loss, and air and water pollution.

    9.  Competition

    A marketplace of tens of thousands of small businesses is the best way to ensure innovation and low prices over the long-term.

    10.  Product Diversity

    A multitude of small businesses, each selecting products based, not on a national sales plan, but on their own interests and the needs of their local customers, guarantees a much broader range of product choices.

  • The Courage to Act

    “Cigarette smoking is
    clearly identified as the chief,
    preventable cause of death
    in our society.”
    C. Everett Koop

    I’m not a smoker. I’ve never been a smoker. And yes, this is America, so one has the right to smoke if they wish, right? When, however, one’s choice to smoke infringes upon the rights of a non-smoker to breathe clean, fresh air, we have a problem.

    One glaring example of this violation of non-smokers being exposed to second-hand smoke is children riding in a car in which an adult is smoking. In my opinion, this is nothing short of child abuse. Fortunately, legislators in the State of Delaware agree and have passed a law making this illegal in their state. More states, in fact, all states need to do the same.

    Since I’m not an expert on the matter, the less I write, the better. So I would like to rely on this informative article by the Center for Disease Control to provide information for those who share my concern — and those who don’t. Click here: SAVE OUR CHILDREN

  • On Doing What’s Right

    “A sense of shame
    is not a bad moral compass.” 
    Colin Powell

    We know the difference between right and wrong. Even when we choose to do something we know we should not do, and even though we may create all sorts of ways to justify what we’re doing, we know it’s wrong. This is because we have a conscience — or some might prefer to call it a moral compass.

    Our moral compass is the internal mechanism which allows us to draw from what we’ve learned and what we’ve experienced in our past. This enables us to distinguish right from wrong. We all have a moral compass. Sadly, no small number of individuals choose to ignore it.

    Former congressman Steve Chabot stated, “If people use common sense and their own guiding moral compass, I think they’ll generally stay out of trouble.” It seems so simple, right? Why, then, is it so easy for some to engage in activities they know are wrong?

    Perhaps what we need today is a “moral compass app” — some program on our smart phone to remind us, in no uncertain terms, that what we are doing is something we should not be doing. If such an app actually existed, it probably would not be very successful. The people who need it most would either not download it to their phone, or they would ignore the notifications, just as they ignore their own built-in moral compass.

    The purpose of a compass is to help us find our way. It can be helpful to hikers, boaters, and others who may be lost and not sure which direction to go. Author Catherine Chea wrote, “We have a strong moral compass to help navigate us through the world. And so, even though we may appear to be lost, deep down, we’re not lost at all.” In other words, even though we are well aware that we’re moving down the wrong road, we don’t want to change direction. This is not an accident. It’s a conscious decision.

    Dr. Marjorie Hass, the former president of Rhodes College in Memphis, links such decisions to a lack of courage. She wrote, “It’s about adhering to your moral compass. It’s about setting your values and having the courage of your convictions.” To know the right thing to do, and to do it, takes courage. Even when we convince ourselves that what we’re doing, wrong though it may be, is somehow justifiable or beneficial to us, we know what’s right and what’s wrong. We are well aware when we are a participant in some activity in which we should not be engaged. 

    It is said that “opportunity knocks once.” This Greek proverb can certainly be a complicating factor for some considering the right course of action. Author Franklin P. Jones, while acknowledging this, adds a few words about the reality of life today. He wrote, “Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.” 

    The challenge is real.

  • Prayer 2023

    “If the only prayer
    you ever say
    in your whole life
    is ‘thank you,’
    that would suffice.”
    Meister Eckhart

    It was an interesting Facebook post, and it immediately caught my attention. Someone I know only through Facebook, but someone I would definitely like to know in real life, posted the following statement: “I’m still ‘foolish enough’ to pray to God every day… it brings me peace & hope, in a world that can sometimes be downright nasty… be well, everyone!”

    While I do not know what precipitated this post, I was grateful to see someone openly acknowledge that he prays to God every day. 

    Prayer can take many forms. Of course, there are the traditional prayers of various religious traditions. They serve a purpose, and some find them to be spiritually nurturing. Personally, I prefer a more informal approach to prayer. My prayer is an ongoing conversation with God. It begins as soon as I get up in the morning. It continues, on and off, throughout the day. And I end every day in prayer.

    In my younger years, most of my prayers would fall into the category of “prayers of petition.” I was constantly asking God for things. In a conversation with a Sister of Mercy back in the early 1970’s, I remember admitting that I felt somewhat guilty that my prayer, my real prayer, was mostly asking God for favors. I acknowledged that I considered this to be a selfish form of prayer. The good sister consoled me by telling me that prayers of petition were one of the highest forms of prayer, because by asking God for things, I was expressing my faith in God and in God’s ability to provide what I need.

    My prayer life today, and for the past seventeen years, has been focused primarily on gratitude. I am constantly thanking God for the many blessings I’ve received in my lifetime, and even today. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for the people, experiences, opportunities, and possessions which have enriched my life.

    My Facebook buddy’s post included a YouTube link to the song “Need a Favor” by Jelly Roll. It is a touching music video which addresses the question of praying only when we need things. I will be forever grateful to my Sister of Mercy friend for opening my eyes to the positive value of asking in prayer. I’m also grateful for the wisdom of Meister Eckhart who reminds us that “if the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

  • A Matter of Choice

    “Be happy, not because
    everything is good,
    but because you can see
    the good side of everything.” 
    Helen Barry

    There are times when life is not easy. Some days (or weeks, or months) can be difficult for us. We have to remind ourselves that to experience and truly appreciate happiness in life, we must endure the constant challenges and occasional periods of sadness which enter our lives. That’s just the way it is.

    Author Henry Ward Beecher tells us, “The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.” We are all capable of doing this, if we make the effort to do so. Watching small children playing at the local park, seeing an elderly neighbor out walking her dog, observing the change of seasons in the autumn trees, enjoying the spectacular color show of a November sunset — all of these are potential triggers for our happiness. Why, then, is it so difficult for some individuals to embrace happiness in their lives?

    President Abraham Lincoln had a thought about this. He said, “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” This is an interesting claim, as it seems to indicate that happiness is a choice, a decision, rather than the byproduct of whatever is happening in our life at a particular time. 

    Brian Vaszily is an author and motivational speaker. He wrote, “If being happy is important to you, try this: instead of regretting all you lack, celebrate all you’ve got.” While I think this is a worthwhile recommendation, I think it’s significant to point out that he began this statement with a reference to happiness being a choice. “If being happy is important to you…” seems to indicate that we have control over our own happiness.

    So even if we are not financially well-off, even if we don’t live in a two million dollar home, even if our friends earn more in their jobs than we do or have a more prestigious job title or drive a nicer car, we can still choose to be happy with our life as it is. If we can discipline ourselves to take life one day at a time, to be grateful for what we do have, and to avoid getting stressed over those things we cannot control, we, too, can enjoy the peace of mind that comes from being happy. The “secret” to being happy is accepting where we are in life and doing everything within our power to make the most out of every day.

    Robert Louis Stevenson wrote, “The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward condition.” This is definitely within our control.

    When we make the choice to be happy, to be positive, and to be grateful, then we are in control of how we are going to live our life — and this has a huge impact on the way we present ourselves to others and interact with those around us. 

    Perhaps the words of singer Bobby McFerrin can help us all to cope with the inevitable challenges of life: “Don’t worry, be happy.”