A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • The Older I Get

    “The greatness of a community
    is most accurately measured
    by the compassionate actions
    of its members.”
    ~ Coretta Scott King

    I have friends,… and I have family. Many members of my family are also my friends, and a good number of my friends are like family. The older I get, the more grateful I am for the gifts of these women and men in my life. Some of my friends are far better-off financially than I will ever be. The same can be said for a good number of my family members. This is not an issue for me. The most precious thing I have to share with my family and friends is my time — and we all get the same amount of time every day: 1,440 minutes, to be exact. Who said life isn’t fair?

    Former Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O’Connor offered this piece of advice for living a good life: “Give freely of yourself always to your family, your friends, your community, and your country. The world will pay you back many times over.” Notice that Justice O’Connor did not say, “They will pay you back…” Rather, she said, “The world will pay you back…” So how, exactly, does this work?

    There are a number of resources that tell us that our actions affect our later experiences. These are not guaranteed consequences. Whether we do something good or something bad, however, it seems that fate does have a way of leveling the playing field. This concept can be traced back to Biblical times.

    In chapter three of Luke’s account of the Gospel story, we are told, “Give, and gifts will be given to you.” Saint Paul, in his letter to the Galatians, wrote, “A person will reap only what he sows.” Paul’s words are also reinforced by the popular idiom “What goes around comes around.” Some refer to this as karma — believing that the way we behave now will affect how we are treated in the future.

    Even Helen Keller, who was deprived of the gift of sight, yet was gifted with incredible vision, wrote, “The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves.” Yet another example of the cause and effect theory of life.

    So what does all this have to do with my family and friends? Well, in my younger years, I was so preoccupied with living my life, attending to my career, raising my family, and doing the things required of a responsible husband, father, and citizen, that I failed to truly appreciate the blessings of my family and friends. I took them all for granted. This is no longer the case.

    At this point in my life, I am making a conscientious effort to reach out to family and friends, to nurture those relationships, to share myself (my time) with them, and to do whatever I can to help them when they are in need of assistance. What I do for my friends and family may not be life-changing, but they are still worth the effort. The Greek storyteller Aesop taught us that “no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

    Much has been written about finding one’s purpose in life. I’ve always appreciated artist Pablo Picasso’s take on this. He wrote, “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” Picasso’s words are in line with those of author Charles Dickens, who wrote, “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another.”

    I’m grateful for my family and friends. And I’m grateful for the 1,440 minutes of life I get each day. It is a blessing to have the ability and opportunity to use some of that time to reach out to others, to show compassionate concern for them, or to simply be there for them when that is what they need. Do I expect anything in return? No. Not at all. Yet I’m confident that when I am the one in need of attention or compassion, it will be there for me.

  • Gratitude at Dawn

    “What if today
    we were just grateful
    for everything?”
    ~ Charlie Brown

    My body has adopted a nice rhythm recently. I wake up every morning, without the need for an alarm clock, when I’ve had eight hours of sleep. If I go to bed at 11:00, I wake up at 7:00. When I get to bed early at 9:00, I wake up feeling refreshed at 5:00. It’s a great feeling. 

    More importantly, each night when I go to bed, I end my day with a moment’s pause for gratitude, reflecting on the people, experiences, and opportunities that have enriched my day. And when I wake up in the morning, my first thoughts revolve around the theme of gratitude — for my life, my health, my family, and the gift of a new day.

    Dr. Robert Holden, a British author who works in the field of positive psychology, wrote, “The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see.” This might help to explain the title of my soon-to-be-published book, Through the Lens of Gratitude. It’s true. Gratitude makes a difference!

    A woman approached me at the 75th anniversary celebration of Saint Gabriel School in San Francisco this past Saturday afternoon. She told me that she had read two of my books and asked, “How do you stay so positive, so joyful?” To be honest, I don’t recall ever thinking about this, but I knew immediately that the source of the joy in my life is gratitude.

    Author Ralph Blum was spot-on when he wrote, “There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude, a quiet joy.” Since consciously embracing an attitude of gratitude in late 2006, despite a number of challenging situations in the years since that time, I have experienced a sense of calmness which has served me well. Life has not always been easy. Things have not consistently turned out as I would have liked, but a focus on gratitude has enabled me to maintain a calmness which allows me to embrace a quiet joy. 

    Karl Barth, a Swiss theologian who passed away when I was just a freshman in high school, also recognized a link between gratitude and joy. He wrote, “Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” So does joy make us grateful or does gratitude make us joyful? 

    While this question may be debated at length, Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk known to many as the “grandfather of gratitude,” offered his response to the question. He said, “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” I think he’s right.

    Because I have chosen to see the world around me through the lens of gratitude, I have been better able to accept life as it comes. While I’ve never been adept at playing the game of baseball, my focus on gratitude has enabled me to deal more effectively with the inevitable curveballs life tosses in my direction. I’ve learned to go with the flow, to adapt to what is, and to be grateful for all things.

    American journalist Germany Kent challenges us to wholeheartedly embrace gratitude in our lives. She encourages us to “Take time to reflect on all that you have. It may not be all that you want, but remember, someone somewhere is dreaming to have what you have.”

    What a wonderful reality to reflect upon as we begin each new day.

  • When “Negative” is Good

    “The voice of the sea
    speaks to the soul.”
    ~ Chopin

    I spent the day in San Francisco yesterday. My elementary school was celebrating its 75th anniversary with an afternoon reception on campus. I arrived in The City early enough to park my car by the school and walk up to The Tennessee Grill at 22nd & Taraval to enjoy a bowl of oatmeal and an English muffin prior to the anniversary event. Walking down Taraval Street on my way back to the school offered me a peaceful view of the Pacific Ocean.

    I departed the school campus at 6:30 p.m. and headed directly down to Ocean Beach at the end of Sloat Boulevard. This has become a regular stop for me when I visit The City. There is something special about being at the ocean. Throughout my life, I’ve heard people comment on how much they enjoy breathing “the ocean air.” I didn’t think much of it in my childhood, since that’s about all I knew. My family home was ten blocks from the beach. My elementary school and the playground I frequented in my earlier years are only eight blocks from the ocean. Even my high school had stunning views of the Pacific Ocean and a good supply of healthy ocean air.

    Those who know more about these things than I often talk about the health benefits of the negative ions contained in the air near the ocean. They may be negative ions, but much has been written about the positive respiratory health benefits one receives from breathing-in the fresh, salty ocean air. I can attest to this, as I’ve experienced it myself.

    Perhaps even more beneficial than the respiratory health is the overwhelmingly positive boost one’s mental health receives being at the beach. Most often, when I stop at Ocean Beach during my visits to The City, I don’t even get out of the car. I park facing the water, open the windows to let those negative ions fill the car, and absorb the sights, sounds, and smells of the mighty Pacific from the comfort of my car. Gazing out over the waves at the horizon in the distance, and occasionally catching a glimpse of the Farallon Islands, located 28 miles off the San Francisco coast, I experience a tremendous sense of peace and tranquility. No visit to The City is complete for me without a brief stop at the beach.

    “If there’s a heaven for me,
    I’m sure it has a
    beach attached to it.”
    ~ Jimmy Buffett 

  • Misleading Sales

    As some of you may have noticed, my new book, A Focus on Gratitude, is incorrectly priced on Amazon. Actually, Amazon tells me that it’s not mis-priced. Rather, the selling price of $24.11 is not a purchase from Amazon. They allow third-party sellers on their site and this outrageous price is being offered by All Time Fans, not Amazon.

    In order to get the Amazon price of $13.99, which is the cover price, you need to click on the link in the bottom-right corner of the ad on the Amazon site (see red arrow in image above). When you click “Two new offers,” a panel shows up on the right side of your screen. There you will see the book offered for $13.99 by Amazon.

    Please DO NOT purchase the book from All Time Fans. I have no idea who they are, nor why they are allowed to jack-up the price. I also don’t understand why Amazon would allow a third party’s ad to supersede their own as the first option offered to potential buyers.

    I noticed that the Amazon option is a pre-order, stating that delivery would be on Tuesday, October 1, 2024. This, too, is an error. When they receive copies of the book from Balboa Press, hopefully some time next week, the books should be delivered to buyers in a timely fashion.

    This is the fifth book I’ve published with Balboa Press and sold on Amazon. I’ve never had to deal with these issues previously. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. 

  • Be You!

    As a follow-up to my recent blog post, A Lifelong Task, I thought it would be appropriate to share this brief Shel Silverstein poem.

  • Then and Now

    “You can’t base your
    life on other people’s
    expectations.”
    ~ Stevie Wonder

    As a child, I dreamed of following in my father’s and grandfather’s footsteps and pursuing a career as a firefighter in San Francisco. When we would visit my Dad at the firehouse, he would allow my siblings and me to climb on the apparatus, as long as we didn’t ring the bell or step on the button on the floor in the cab that activated the siren. My favorite place to sit was in the tiller driver’s seat at the rear of the truck.

    In 1972, after graduating from high school, I moved to San José and enrolled in the fire science program at San José City College. On most school days, I would eat lunch in the Student Union building on campus. I got to know a few other students and we’d hang out socializing and enjoying the music playing on the juke box before heading off to our next class.  

    Fast-forward to yesterday — March 19, 2024. I was walking in downtown Campbell when a familiar song, one I had not heard in many years, was playing through the outside speakers at Sushi Confidential. It was Stevie Wonder singing You Are the Sunshine of My Life. In my mind, I was immediately transported back to the Student Union building at San José City College. The song was first released in late October 1972. It was one of the most popular songs selected on the juke box in the student dining area that year. And just as quickly as I recalled that specific time in my life 50+ years ago, I found myself fully-aware of where I was at the moment. I was taken aback by the stark contrast between these two vivid images of myself.

    The 18-year-old me lacked confidence, most notably in the academic arena, but I was young, strong, athletic, and totally content with the prospect of a career in firefighting. I had no idea that my life would take a very different trajectory. Today I am 69-years old and retired, having earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from Santa Clara University and a Master of Arts degree from the University of San Francisco. The courses I took prepared me for a 43-year career in teaching. I’ve even written and published five books, with one more due to be published next month. My 18-year-old self could never have imagined such a scenario.

    At my Dad’s insistence, I took the written test for the San Francisco Fire Department in 1976, followed by the physical agility test in 1977. In 1978, I was offered a firefighting job, but I was fairly certain by that point that I had a calling to teach. I submitted a waiver form, which allowed me to defer accepting the job to a later date. Eventually, Dad realized that I had no intention of taking the firefighting job. He was beyond disappointed. He even let me know that he thought I was making a big mistake financially, as the starting salary in the SFFD was significantly more than I would make as a teacher. He was right, of course, but I reminded him of a pearl of wisdom I’d received several years earlier when I was told, “Don’t worry about the money. Follow your heart.” He recognized immediately that I had learned this lesson from him.

    Hearing Stevie Wonder’s song yesterday afternoon was a gift, as it enabled me to reflect on how far I’d come in the past fifty years. I’m grateful that I didn’t base my life on the expectations of others. I’m also tremendously grateful for those who saw in me what I didn’t see in myself, and provided opportunities for me to pursue a career in teaching. 

    As I approach my 70th birthday, I am still captivated at the sight of fire apparatus, red lights flashing and siren blaring, rolling down the street responding to a call. I still feel a strong bond with firefighters, but I have no regrets. I am simply grateful for the career path I took, and also for those who put their lives on the line every day as firefighters.   

  • A Lifelong Task

    “You have been criticizing
    yourself for years,
    and it hasn’t worked.
    Try approving of yourself
    and see what happens.”
    ~ Louise Hay

    Why is it so challenging for us to lovingly embrace who we are? What is it about the human condition which causes us to be so self-critical? Well, for starters, for years advertisers have mastered the art of misleading consumers into believing that we are inferior or deprived, but promising that their product will provide us with everything we need to be happy and feel good about ourselves. Their manipulative tactics have been incredibly effective.

    There is more to our lack of self-acceptance than just advertising, but I’m at a loss to identify all the factors that come into play. I do, however, have a few thoughts to share on the topic.

    It seems that many of us have gone through life with an insatiable desire to attain the approval of others. When we don’t receive the approval we seek, it’s easy to think, “I’m not enough.” Why is it so difficult to accept ourselves regardless of what others think? 

    One critical life task that is often overlooked is recognizing and acknowledging the positives in ourselves and our lives. Rather than comparing ourselves to others and worrying so much about what others think of us, it is imperative that we develop the ability to focus on what is good about us, and on those things we do well. It might also be beneficial to make a conscientious effort to see ourselves and the world around us through the lens of gratitude, rather than the lens of deprivation.

    The more we identify and embrace our strengths, our skills, and our personal values, the less need we will have to seek the approval of others. And when we are content with who we are, others’ perceptions of us change, too. Lao Tzu wrote, “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”

    A healthy self-image means approving of ourselves unconditionally. This does not mean that we have to like everything about ourselves, but it does mean accepting and loving ourselves as we are right now.

    It’s all too common for individuals to have the attitude that they’ll be happier and love themselves more when they’ve lost forty pounds, or when they get out of debt, or when they accomplish a particular life goal. Sadly, when we attach conditions to our self-image, we sabotage ourselves and inhibit our ability to live life to the fullest. When we feel good about who we are, when we accept ourselves as we are, rather than as we feel we should be, we are more resilient to the criticism of others. 

    We certainly have the option to be like others, but there is a price to pay for doing so. Author Rita Mae Brown warns us, “I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”

    The challenge is real. 

  • Grand!

    “God invented whiskey
    to keep the Irish from
    ruling the world.”
    ~ Ed McMahon

    I wrote and originally published this poem in 2017. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it once again. It’s simply called “Saint Patrick’s Day.”

    I drank some pints of Guinness,
    then I had a little more.
    Before too long I found myself
    sprawled out upon the floor.
    McCarthy said, “Get up, me boy!
    The night has just begun.
    Begorrah! It’s Saint Patrick’s Day!
    We’re here to have some fun.”

    I climbed back up the bar stool
    and I sat upon the seat.
    Although ’twas Friday during Lent,
    I had to have some meat.
    Corned beef and cabbage then appeared,
    ’twas sure that I had died.
    I ate it all and licked the plate
    with good old Irish pride.

    And then McCarthy says to me,
    “I think it’s time to dance!”
    The Guinness and the Irish food
    had left me in a trance.
    I said, “No, I can’t do that,
    for my balance ain’t so good.”
    McCarthy laughed and grabbed my arm.
    He really thought I could.

    I staggered out upon the floor
    and knocked a woman down.
    Her husband, he got angry
    and he knocked me all around.
    McCarthy grabbed a bar stool
    and he smashed it o’er his head.
    The man collapsed upon the floor.
    ’Twas sure that he was dead.

    We quickly left the tavern,
    but before we got too far,
    the Guarda stopped us in our tracks
    and stuffed us in their car.
    So here we sit inside the jail,
    and still we’re drunk as Hell.
    I guess we’ll have to sleep here
    in our cozy little cell.

    ’Tis true, it is Saint Patrick’s Day,
    he, too, spent time in jail.
    I guess it’s just a normal thing
    if you’re an Irish male.
    I like to drink the Guinness,
    but I’ve got to learn to say,
    “No thank you, sir. I’ve had enough…
    for this Saint Patrick’s Day.” 

  • The City

    “The morning,
    like all San Francisco mornings,
    promised spring.”     
    ~ Elizabeth Stark

    Rarely, in my lifetime, have I had the opportunity to enjoy a San Francisco sunrise. Having lived my first eighteen years in the Sunset District, the sunlight had to clear Mount Davidson before shining down on the west side of The City. Even then, the persistent morning fog created a drab beginning to each day. So I was grateful for the opportunity to be in San Francisco yesterday morning and to enjoy the view portrayed in the image above.

    As I stood at the end of Van Ness Avenue looking out over Aquatic Park, I couldn’t help but think of the words of Journey’s signature song Lights. Of course, I had to adjust the words to reflect the time of day, but in my mind I was singing:

    When the lights come on in The City,
    and the sun shines on the bay,…

    What a spectacular treat it was to see the sun rising over downtown San Francisco and reflecting off the choppy waters of Aquatic Park Cove. This was just the beginning of a magical day. 

    I had driven a friend to The City for an 8:30 a.m. appointment at the Italian Consulate at Webster & Broadway. As I sat in the car outside the consulate, I noticed a gentleman wearing a bright yellow vest with the words Convent-Stuart Hall imprinted on the back. Strangely, even though I was born and raised in The City and attended catholic schools from first grade through high school, I never knew exactly where Convent of the Sacred Heart High School was located. So I got out of the car to speak with the gentleman in the vest.

    In yet another very San Francisco experience, it didn’t take long for us to realize that not only did we know people in common, we knew each other! Dennis Estrada was a freshman at Saint Ignatius College Preparatory when I was a senior. We knew each other, but not well. Then, due to my circuitous route through college, we ended up as classmates at Santa Clara University — Class of 1979. We had not seen each other in more than forty years. What a treat it was to reconnect with such an impressive person.

    After the appointment at the consulate, we drove down Broadway to North Beach for a visit to Caffé Trieste, an iconic coffee shop with a rich history of customers who were famous authors, poets, and entertainers. My friend ordered a cappuccino, which she described as the best she’s had outside of Italy. The eclectic group of customers made for a lively experience in what is, perhaps, the best coffee shop in The City.

    As we were leaving Caffé Trieste, I met Fredo, the owner of SFOG, a small shop across the street from the café, which sells San Francisco t-shirts, sweatshirts, and other outerwear. He also has a nice assortment of art work for sale. Fredo, short for Alfredo, is of Irish-Guatamalan descent, but he sports a convincing Italian accent whenever needed. His shop is a must-visit shopping stop for native San Franciscans.

    Our last stop was also across the street from Caffé Trieste, at the corner of Vallejo & Columbus. We paid a visit to La Porziunicola Nuova, a scaled replica of Saint Francis’ Porziuncola in Assisi, Italy. The sacred site was dedicated in San Francisco in 2008 by Cardinal William Levada. We were warmly greeted by Angela Alioto, daughter of former San Francisco mayor Joseph Alioto. It was Angela’s idea to create this replica of the chapel. This is definitely a site worth visiting.

    The City has always been a magical place. Despite the current challenges of homelessness, drug abuse, and crime, San Francisco remains a special place in my heart. 

  • No Way to Know

    “Death is not the
    opposite of life,
    but a part of it.” 
    ~ Haruki Murakami

    Several years ago, I attended a weekend retreat on the topic of Conscious Aging. At the first session on Friday evening, participants were given a sheet of paper with eighty blank squares — eight rows of ten squares each. We were directed to put an “X” in each square, beginning at the top of the page, for each year of our life. As we marked each box, we were challenged to recall one memory from that particular year of our life. This was a therapeutic activity for me. 

    If I remember correctly, I was 64-years-old when I attended the retreat, therefore, after completing the task, I was left with sixteen empty squares on my paper. One of the participants asked the presenter what he should do, as he had marked all eighty boxes. The presenter replied, “Be grateful!”

    It was a bit sobering to see that visual image of how much of my life I had already lived and how seemingly little remained, yet I was well aware that my death could come at any time. Did I have sixteen years left in my life that evening, or did I have only six weeks? There was no way to know.

    As I approach my 70th birthday in June, I don’t feel old. I’m quite possibly in the best physical condition since my college years. Despite this reality, my prognosis has not changed since that Friday night of the retreat. There’s just no way to know how much longer I’ll be alive.

    As the graphic above clearly indicates, according to the United States Center for Disease Control & Prevention in 2021, the average life expectancy for an American male is 73.5 years. It’s important to acknowledge that this number is the average life expectancy, so many men live considerably longer.

    My paternal grandfather passed away in 1961 at the age of 74. My maternal grandfather passed away in 1968 at the age of 74. Hmmm… My father, however, died accidentally at the age of 82. He outlived his father and father-in-law by eight years. If I outlive my Dad by eight years, I’ll live to the age of 90. Given the health care available today, that’s a very real possibility, but there’s no way to know, right?

    I don’t worry about death. I honestly believe I’ve lived a good, complete life. I experienced a fairly normal childhood, I received an excellent education, I enjoyed a 43-year career as an educator, and I’ve published a few books in my retirement. I married the love of my life, raised three wonderful sons, and now I’m enjoying being “Papa” to five beautiful grandkids. If I were to die tomorrow, it would not be tragic. I’ve lived my life to the fullest.

    There is simply no way for me to know how much longer I’ll live. The challenge, therefore, is to live each day as if it were my last. I’m working hard to nurture my relationships with family and friends. I’m making a conscious effort to express my gratitude to those who have cared for me throughout my life. I make sure the bills are paid, that Kathy knows all the details of our finances, and that my affairs are in order. I’ve even gone so far as to prepay all our funeral services, including the purchase of niches at the local cemetery for our cremains. Some might consider this to be morbid. I prefer to think of it as being practical.  

    As age 70 inches closer day by day, I am grateful to have lived this long. I’m not in any hurry to die. I’m enjoying life too much right now. There is no other age I would prefer to be, and I’m not in any hurry to check-out just yet. There’s still so much to do!