A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • On Being Present

    Sometimes, all we have to do is show up. Be there. We may not know exactly what to say, nor what to do, so there can be a bit of awkwardness to the experience. In fact, in most cases, we don’t have to say or do anything at all. What’s important is that we make the effort to simply be there for the people we love. 

    I think this is why we often attend funerals of people we did not personally know. Someone we do know and care about has suffered a loss, and our presence at the services lets them know that we are there for them in their time of sorrow.

    I have vivid recollections of my last night in the Bahamas after my year of teaching there in 1975. During the summer months, I had been doing some volunteer work at The Ranfurly Home, an orphanage for Bahamian children. I’d gotten to know many of the children quite well. On my last night in Nassau, my sister, Cathy, joined me for a visit to the facility. I brought the Disney movie The Aristocats to show that night. When the movie was over, I packed up the projector, and said goodbye to the kids. I knew there was a very good chance that I would never see any of them again.

    When we got to my car, I put the projector in the back seat, started the engine, and slowly drove down the driveway to Mackey Street. Before I exited the property, I had to stop. Tears had filled my eyes and I couldn’t see. After a bit of a pause, we continued our journey back to the house where we were staying. When we went inside, I walked directly to my bedroom, as I knew my emotions were about to overwhelm me. I sat on the edge of my bed and let the tears flow. 

    Within minutes, Cathy entered the room and sat by my side. She didn’t say anything. I think she knew there was nothing she could say to make me feel better. I just had to embrace the grief and let it take its course. Not only was I saying goodbye to the kids at The Ranfurly Home, I was also saying goodbye to what may have been the most transformative year of my life. Cathy’s presence that night was a true gift.

    We all have opportunities to simply be there for others. It’s important that we seize these opportunities and provide the presence so desperately needed in these moments.

    __________________________

    To read all articles on this blog, click HERE.

  • Bzzt!

    As the Bay Area gets pounded with yet another atmospheric river, I find myself sitting at my desk in my home office writing about why I’m awake at midnight. The wind is howling outside, and a significant amount of water is flowing off the rooftop and down through the rainspout on the other side of the office wall. It’s an all-too-often sound in what has become the wettest winter on record in California. But that’s not what’s keeping me awake.

    I got to bed early tonight. I’m fairly certain it was before 8:30 p.m. Helping Kathy take care of Penny and Scarlett every day requires a good amount of energy, and by Thursday night, I’m usually pretty beat. I wanted to get a sufficient amount of sleep tonight so that I could function effectively tomorrow. I didn’t hear the first text at 8:22 p.m. 

    Given the very good possibility of a power outage tonight, I made sure to recharge the battery in my cell phone earlier in the evening. I also put it on silent mode before going to sleep. But a little after 11 p.m., I heard the first of several Bzzt! sounds. I ignored it. Over the twenty minutes, as I dozed in and out of sleep, it continued… Bzzt!… Bzzt!… Bzzt! 

    Finally, my curiosity got the better of me. I thought that, perhaps, something of importance was going on that I should check out. Well, that’s not exactly what it was. 

    I’m included in a group text with a number of my St. Gabriel School Class of ’68 classmates. We use the group text to share details of our occasional get-togethers. It can be an effective tool, and I stress can be. Tonight, the hot topic, which was a continuation of a previous discussion, was about where group members were baptized. Then one person mentioned our third grade teacher, Sister Mary Roberta, who presented a few select students with excellence in handwriting certificates, and welcomed some students into the Captain Boy Savior Club. The what?

    Several of those in our text group had never heard of this club, but I had, though I was never a member. The group recognized those students whose behavior was consistently exemplary. Yeah, as I said, I was not a club member. As I was reading about all this, the Bzzt!… Bzzt!… Bzzt! continued incessantly. After a while, I decided to respond to some of the comments that had been made. Within minutes, a very sobering message arrived.

    “Shouldn’t you guys be in bed? It’s 8:27 a.m. here in France. We are nine hours ahead of you.”

    Um,… yeah. Good point. What were we doing? By then we had said pretty much all that could be said about the Captain Boy Savior Club, so I decided to go back to sleep,… but no. Bzzt!… Bzzt!… Bzzt!… It just wasn’t working, so I got up to write this article.

    Now don’t get me wrong. I like these folks! I enjoy being in contact with them, sharing memories of our years at St. Gabriel School, and updating each other on our lives today, but I also need to get some sleep! I’m going to give it another try now. It’s 12:40 a.m.

    _________________________

    To read all articles on this blog, click HERE.

  • The Ambassador

    “Nobody waves,
    but almost everybody
    waves back.”
    Nicholas Epley

    In the introduction to my most recent book, The Ambassador of 38th Avenue, I mentioned that the title was given to me by one of my elderly childhood neighbors, Mr. Sam Young, when I was about ten years old. I was an outgoing kid, and I had a habit of engaging many of my neighbors, including Sam, in conversation whenever the opportunity presented itself. When a new family moved into a home on our block, I would go out of my way to welcome them to the neighborhood. I cannot tell you why I did these things, but I did. It was because of this, that Sam began calling me The Ambassador of 38th Avenue.

    Now I’m 68 years old. Not much has changed in terms of my interest in getting to know my neighbors and welcome newcomers to our community. I have also developed a habit of acknowledging people pretty much anywhere I go. Occasionally, my outgoing nature is greeted with suspicion or awkwardness. Most often, however, people seem to appreciate being recognized, acknowledged, and greeted. This is something I thoroughly enjoy doing.

    When I’m in San Francisco, it’s amazing how often, upon engaging in conversation with a stranger, I realize that we know people in common. Maybe the person to whom I spoke was a product of catholic education in The City, or, perhaps, our mutual friends were the result of the neighborhoods of our youth.

    Last Friday, I stopped by to visit my longtime friend, George, in his San Francisco home. He introduced me to one of his friends, Sven, who happens to be an up-and-coming musician. I’d heard of him, but this was my first time meeting him. I knew that we had a common friend, Debbie, so I mentioned her to him. As we continued our conversation, and I realized the roots of his interest in music, I asked if he happened to know Tim Healy.

    “Tim Healy? Of course I know Tim Healy. He was my manager for six years.”

    Sven asked how I knew Tim. I informed him that Tim is my cousin. His father and my mother were first cousins… I think. It was another one of those “small world” moments to which I have become accustomed.

    I once heard a saying that strangers are just friends we haven’t met yet. I believe there’s a lot of truth in this statement. Maya Angelou echoes this sentiment in the quote above. There is always a good chance that, in reaching out to someone we don’t know, we might discover a friend for a lifetime.

    _________________________

    To read all articles on this blog, click HERE.

  • The Purpose of Life

    One of the most basic challenges for every human person is to identify the purpose of our life. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? How might I make a positive difference in the world?

    The diagram above provides an excellent resource for those engaged in this task. It’s not an image to be casually glanced upon, it’s an illustration to be studied with diligence. For those who take the time and make the effort to do so, a clear understanding of the meaning of their existence will most likely emerge.

    With that said, I’d like to share one other thought — a quote about the purpose of life. This statement, too, may require a few readings to fully comprehend the depth of the meaning, but it’s well worth it. The quote is attributed to Alan Malally, a successful business leader at Ford and Boeing. Savor the words — and carefully note the order in which he speaks them.

    “The purpose of life is to love
    and to be loved,
    in that order.    “

    ________________________

    To see all articles on this blog, click HERE.

  • Emily’s Gift

    “For it is in giving
    that we receive.” 
    Francis of Assisi 

    It was one of the sweetest experiences of my life. It was my 68th birthday, June 4, 2022. Our kids and their families came over for a barbecue. Tom, Steve, and Brendan did all the cooking. As is so often the case these days, the food was delicious. After dinner, we enjoyed a homemade birthday cake — yellow cake with chocolate frosting. I could not have asked for a better day.

    One of the challenges of celebrating someone’s 68th birthday is finding an appropriate gift. I struggled with this issue when my own parents’ birthdays came around year after year. What do we get for someone who has everything he needs already? We all know, of course, that a gift is not necessary, yet we have a desire to give something to the person we love. So yes, I received a couple of gifts, but none more memorable than what I received from my granddaughter, Emily.

    Emily is Tom and Hillaray’s second child, and today is her birthday. She turns six today. Try as I might, I know that whatever Kathy and I get for Emily’s birthday gift this year will pale in comparison to what she gave me last June. 

    When the leftovers were put away, the dishes were in the dishwasher, and the wrapping paper from the few gifts I received tucked away in the trash, Emily walked up to me holding a little coin purse. She opened it deliberately and took out a folded-up one dollar bill.

    “Happy Birthday, Papa!” she said gleefully.

    “Emily, you don’t have to do this,” I assured her.

    “I know, Papa, but I want to give this to you for your birthday.”

    One dollar. It may as well have been $1,000. I was incredibly overwhelmed with gratitude… and love. For the past nine months, that dollar bill has been securely stored in a special place in my home office. It is so much more than just a dollar bill, and it’s worth so much more than a buck! Every time I see that currency, I am reminded of Emily’s smile and the genuine kindness in her eyes when she presented it to me on my birthday last year. I have no intention of ever spending it. It truly is priceless.

    Today, as I mentioned, is Emily’s birthday. It’s a school day for her, and with her after-school activities and homework, I’m pretty sure I won’t have the opportunity to see her today. Fortunately, we had a nice visit at our home this past Saturday afternoon. I wished her Happy Birthday, but I didn’t mention the dollar bill. At the age of six, I don’t think she can possibly understand how much that gift meant to me.

    Some day, she will.  

  • It Begins With You!

    There are so many sources of wisdom in our world. Seeking them out, and applying that wisdom to our lives, is an opportunity available to us all. I came across this one today:

    When you’re gentle
    with yourself,
    you’ll be gentle
    with others.

    When you’re non-judgmental
    with yourself,
    you’re non-judgmental
    with others.

    When you give yourself
    the benefit of the doubt,
    you’ll be able to do the same
    for the people around you.

    You begin with yourself,
    not because you’re self-centered,
    but because you understand
    that’s the only way it really works!

    ~ Paul S. Boynton

  • Encounter on Aisle 9

    “When there is pain,
    there are no words.”
    Toni Morrison

    I reached up to the Safeway shelf
    and grabbed the box of tissues,
    and as I did, I heard a growl
    from someone who had issues.

    “You took the last damn box, old man!”
    Um, yes, it seems I did.
    “I’ve got a nasty cold,” she barked.
    The woman flipped her lid.

    She told me I was heartless,
    that I’d surely go to Hell.
    Because I got the Kleenex?
    I could see she wasn’t well.

    Before I had the chance to hand
    the tissues to my “friend,”
    she glared at me, and with her words
    attacked me once again.

    “You seem to think, because you’re male,
    that you should have your way.”
    I looked at her with kindness,
    but I didn’t know what to say.

    “You chauvinistic idiot!
    I hope you die and rot!”
    I tried to gain rapport with her
    and said, I sure hope not.

    The fire in her eyes revealed
    that there was something more.
    Clearly, she was hurting deeply,
    right down to her core.

    Excuse me, Ma’am,… are you okay?
    She stopped and looked at me.
    Her eyes welled up with shameful tears,
    her pain was clear to see.

    As tears rolled freely down her cheeks,
    she told me what was wrong.
    Her 14-year-old daughter
    was quite ill and didn’t have long.

    “Leukemia,” she said to me.
    “We’re counting down the days.
    My grief is overwhelming.
    It shows up in many ways.”

    I handed her the tissue box,
    and said I understood,
    though I’m not really sure I did.
    I did the best I could.

    It never was about the tissues,
    from the very the start.
    This woman, she was hurting.
    She had a broken heart.

    A good reminder for us all:
    Don’t judge what people do,
    for there’s no way for us to know
    what they are going through.

    ©kmc2013
    ____________________________________

    To see all previous blog posts, click HERE.

  • 20 Constants in Life

    “Just because everything
    is different
    doesn’t mean anything
    has changed.” 
    Irene Peter

    When I dropped my granddaughter off for her preschool class on Tuesday morning, it was cold, windy, and raining. What a difference today — the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and there is a warmth to the morning air I haven’t felt in quite awhile. It’s refreshing. Change like this is good.

    I keep hearing people tell me that San Francisco has changed. They compare the charm and safety of The City of the 1960s and ‘70s with what is clearly a different scenario today — rampant homelessness, senseless crime, and filthy streets in many neighborhoods. They are right. Things have most definitely changed. Change like this is not so good. 

    There seems to be general agreement that our country has changed. If there ever was truly a time when we were “one nation under God,” and I’m not sure there ever was, that sense of national unity no longer exists. It’s “we” vs. “them,” and a lack of tolerance of the other. Change like this is also not so good.

    Yes, things have changed, but rather than lament what has been lost, I believe it is helpful, even essential, that we focus on what has not changed in our world. The real things, the meaningful things, the significant things in life are just as important today as they ever were, and it’s imperative for our mental health that we recognize this reality. 

    I made a list of twenty factors, many of which might be considered rarities in our world today, that are as essential in 2023 as they have been at any previous time in history. I’ve broken the list up into four sets of five traits.

    The first set includes honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, compassion, and the ability to make the most of what we have. These are foundational traits which help us to live a satisfying life: honesty in all things; doing the right thing even when no one else will know what we’ve done; trustworthiness in our words and actions; treating those around us, most notably the outcast and marginalized in our society, with compassion; and contentment with what we have. 

    The second set of traits includes kindness, empathy, courage, reliability, and the ability to be happy with simple pleasures. Kindness to others is foundational to being human. Empathy enables us to put ourselves in the shoes of another person and to truly feel what they feel. Courage provides the strength to go outside our comfort zone to do what needs to be done. Reliability is the gift we give to those who depend upon us in order for them to live their lives to the fullest. To be happy with simple pleasures is, again, a form of contentment which can free us from feelings of victimhood and envy.

    The third set includes punctuality, loyalty, respect, fairness, and deferred gratification. Being punctual, whether in a work or social setting, is evidence of our respect for others, and for their time. Most people have multiple loyalties, but the most important might be to our marriage partners and to our families. Respect, which is not the same thing as fear, is another foundational trait of being human. We must respect others and ourselves. Fairness can be an incredible challenge for us, because life is not fair. Despite the fact that we may feel that we have been treated unfairly, we are still called to accept the challenge of being fair to others in the things we say and do. Deferred gratification, a trait with which many are unfamiliar, is the ability to put off until some later time that which we would like to enjoy in the present moment, knowing that, in the long run, it will be better for us and for others to enjoy the experience at some other time.

    Finally, the fourth set of traits includes courtesy, gratitude, patience, generosity, and concern for the common good. A simple “please” or “thank you,” holding a door open for someone, or graciously allowing a driver to merge into your lane are all examples of basic courtesy. Those who know me are well aware of my passion for gratitude. I’m convinced that gratitude is the key to happiness in life. It is difficult, if not altogether impossible, to be grateful and unhappy at the same time. Patience is a gift I lacked through much of my life. We can display patience by not pressuring others, by waiting our turn, by allowing circumstances to play out as they will anyway. And concern for the common good is just that — a constant, conscious awareness that it’s not just about us. Anticipating, and doing what we can to accommodate the needs of others is something that will never be old-fashioned or out of date.

    Yes, much has changed in our world. I’m tremendously grateful that these twenty traits continue to have value for us in 2023.

    ____________________

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  • Hot Chocolate

    “There’s nothing like 
    hot chocolate and a hug 
    for making the 
    nightmares go away.”
    Neil Gaiman

    When I was a child, and a troublesome one at that, I had a recurring nightmare that I was going to hell. Seriously! I cannot say how many times I experienced that same nocturnal scenario, but it got to the point where I didn’t want to go to sleep. I’m sure that my experience as a student in a catholic elementary school was a contributing factor. I never told anyone about this. Ever. Until now. (Yes, writing is my therapy!) 

    As I sit here writing this article, another round of heavy rain is pelting the South Bay. This is good, as we still need the rain. It’s also quite cold outside, for San José standards. With this cold rain, the unusual accumulation of snow on the hills to the east, west, and south of my home continues to grow. With no rain predicted for tomorrow, the view of the snow-covered hills should be spectacular. This cold, wet weather got me thinking… about hot chocolate.

    I don’t drink coffee. I don’t like it. I enjoy hot tea now and then, but my preferred hot beverage of choice has always been hot chocolate. When I decided to write about this tonight, I came across the quote by Neil Gaiman (above) which mentioned nightmares. That got me thinking about the recurring nightmare I had as a child, but I don’t want that to be the focus of my writing. I’d prefer to write about my love for hot chocolate.

    Author Lisa Schroeder wrote, “There is something so comforting, so relaxing about a cup of hot chocolate. No matter how old I am, I think hot chocolate will always have the ability to take me back to special times, when all the problems in the world seemed to dissolve by consuming a simple drink.” I wish I had been aware of the healing power of hot chocolate in my childhood. Perhaps I would have slept better.

    I mentioned that I do not like the taste of coffee, yet I thoroughly enjoy the aroma. So when Kathy and I married in 1985, I got used to having a coffee maker on the kitchen counter and waking up to the smell of fresh-brewed coffee. Through the years, we’ve had different types of coffee makers, but I never paid much attention, as Kathy was the only coffee drinker in the family. A few years ago, however, Kathy purchased a Keurig unit, which uses K-cup pods. I didn’t pay much attention at first, but when I learned that hot chocolate K-cup pods were available, my life changed.

    The convenience of making hot chocolate with the Keurig unit can be dangerous, so I try my best not to overindulge. Tonight, however, I could think of nothing I would enjoy more than a cup of hot chocolate and a few raspberry Milano cookies. I expect that I will sleep peacefully tonight, and, hopefully, dream of only pleasant things. 

    __________________________

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  • Say It Now

    “One day you will wake up 
    and there won’t be any more time 
    to do the things you’ve 
    always wanted. 
    Do it now.”
    Paulo Coelho

    Have you ever noticed how glowingly people speak of a person after that person has died? I’ve attended no small number of wakes, funerals, and memorial services in my lifetime. It is heartwarming to hear so many laudatory remarks from family and friends about the decedents. Often the stories shared by grievers lead me to believe that the process of canonization should be initiated immediately! At times, however, I am left to wonder about the words being spoken. It is not that the person for whom the service is being held is in any way unworthy of such favorable praise. I just can’t help but wonder if the person who died ever heard such expressions of love, affection, and appreciation while they were alive.

    It is so easy to take people for granted. I know. I do it quite often. It is also, it seems, somewhat difficult for many of us to tell others directly how much we love them and how grateful we are for their presence in our lives. I’ve never understood why doing so creates such awkwardness in us, but, for many, it does. It’s so much easier, it seems, to tell other people, a third party, how much someone means to us. Expressing our gratitude directly to the person who should hear it can make us feel uncomfortable. 

    Maybe it’s this awkwardness, in part, that fuels the tradition of gift-giving for birthdays and special holidays. Perhaps we believe that giving that perfect gift communicates the love and appreciation we have for that person, making it unnecessary to put those feelings into words. Using gifts, rather than words, can feel so much safer, and leave us feeling less vulnerable.

    While I have not fully mastered this art myself, one of the most powerful life lessons I’ve learned is the importance using my words to directly express my love and appreciation for a particular individual. It is true that one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is to thank them for being a part of our life. We must develop the courage to do so.

    The option to wait for a person to die before expressing our love and affection to them is certainly available to us, but do we really want to wait for the person’s wake, funeral, or memorial service to do so? I hope not. Perhaps the best way to develop a true appreciation of someone who is still with us is to imagine our life without them. This strategy might motivate us to begin expressing our love and gratitude now — while we still can. 

    ______________________________

    To see previous Beacon of Light articles, click HERE.