A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • Discernment

    “We all have things  
    we don’t talk about,…” 
    Jamie Ford

    [Heads-Up: Today’s post is unusually long — 7-minute read]

    What Jamie Ford says in the quote above is absolutely true — we all have things we don’t talk about, and that’s okay. I’m sure that people have perfectly good reasons for not talking about some aspects of their lives or something from their past which they feel no particular need or desire to share. It’s important to acknowledge, however, that the quote above is only a partial quote. The rest of what Ford says is significant,… and powerful. “We all have things we don’t talk about,… even though, more often than not, those are the things that make us who we are.”

    I have never intentionally concealed the fact that I gave serious consideration to the possibility that I might have a vocation to the Jesuit priesthood. This is not a part of my past of which I am in any way embarrassed. The six-year journey of discernment played a huge part in who I am today. I tend to downplay it in my conversations and writing because to explain it can be incredibly time consuming. I will attempt to do so here today because it was exactly fifty years ago that I spent five months in the Jesuit novitiate in Montecito, California.

    When my brother, Tom, entered the Society of Jesus (Jesuits) immediately following his graduation from high school, I’m sure the thought of doing so after my own graduation must have crossed my mind, but I didn’t give it a lot of thought at the time. Throughout my four years at Saint Ignatius, a number of Jesuits made comments to me along the lines of “You’d make a good Jesuit.” While I considered those to be compliments, I can’t say that I ever gave serious consideration to the possibility. During those years at S.I., I enjoyed an active social life. I did, however, work part-time as a receptionist at the Jesuit residence on campus. And at the invitation of one of my Jesuit teachers, I spent several weeks working in Jamaica in the summer before my senior year. I certainly became familiar with Jesuit life. 

    When I graduated from Saint Ignatius in 1972, at the urging of the same Jesuit who had taken me to Jamaica, I accepted a job working as a prefect (resident assistant) in the student dormitory at Bellarmine College Prep in San José, another Jesuit educational institution. During my second year at Bellarmine, I was offered another unique opportunity by the same Jesuit priest — to teach in a Catholic high school in The Bahamas for one year. I accepted the offer.

    At the same time I left Bellarmine to go to Nassau, five of the college students who were working with me as prefects in the dormitory all entered the Jesuit novitiate. I had not thought of that job as a training ground for future Jesuits. Apparently, I was clueless.

    The year in Nassau was spent living in a guest room of a Benedictine monastery and teaching Religion in the 7th- through 12th-grade school. It was during that year that I was confronted with the reality that while the thought of the Jesuit priesthood had been in the back of my mind for almost six years, I had never completely ruled it out as a possibility. I made the decision to apply for the Jesuits — not because I had decided to become a priest, but because I had not yet decided not to become one.

    When I arrived at the Novitiate in September 1975, I was totally honest with my spiritual director, Leo Rock, S.J. I told him I had not decided to become a Jesuit, but that I’d been giving some thought to it for six years. He assured me that I was in the right place, explaining that the two-year novitiate was a place and time of discernment. I asked him how I would know if that was my calling. Leo smiled knowingly and replied, “You’ll know.”

    In the fall of 1975, I participated in a 30-day silent Ignatian retreat. I thought, for sure, that I’d have my answer by the time the retreat ended. I didn’t. Day after day through the month of December, I kept wondering if I was in the right place, so I would ask Leo, again, how I would know. I got the same response.

    I enjoyed my time in the novitiate. The facilities were impressive. The other 23 novices in my class were good guys. The food was amazing. I settled into the daily routine of classes, chores, liturgy, and prayerful reflection. Then, one morning in late January, everything was different.

    Things were normal enough until I went to the dining hall for breakfast. The usual feast of just about anything one might hope to find for breakfast was there. I picked up a plate and walked through the line. For some strange reason, nothing looked appetizing. I put my plate away and went outside to take a long walk. The same thing happened again at both lunch and dinner. I must have eaten something that day, but I don’t recall doing so. I felt so unsettled.

    The next morning was a similar experience. I went for breakfast, but again I didn’t eat. I attended my classes, did a few chores, participated in daily Mass, then returned to the dining hall for lunch. Again, I had no desire to eat. Instead of going for another walk, I wandered over to the empty chapel and sat in the back row. I can’t really say I prayed. I just sat there, which, in retrospect, I can now recognize as a valuable form of prayer. And that’s when it happened. When I thought about leaving the novitiate, I was filled with immense joy and inner peace. But then I thought that I hadn’t given it enough time, that I should stay longer. This thought was accompanied by feelings of uneasiness and distress. 

    I sat in that chapel for at least three hours, going back and forth between the two options. The responses in my body — my heart, my gut — to the two possibilities were amazingly consistent. I stood up, walked out of the chapel, and went to see Leo in his office.

    When I told him what was happening, he smiled kindly and said, “I told you that you would know.” He recommended that I give the decision two weeks, which I was happy to do. During those two weeks, every moment of every day was filled with peace and consolation. It’s not that I didn’t like the novitiate or the people there. I enjoyed the time I spent there immensely. It was simply clear to me that I did not have the same calling to the priesthood that many of the other novices were experiencing. 

    As I mentioned, I have had no reason to conceal this brief chapter of my life. It was time well spent. I have never regretted entering the novitiate, and I’ve never regretted leaving it. It is an essential part of who I am today — fifty years later.   

  • Bring It On!

    “Never underestimate  
    the power you have  
    to take your life  
    in a new direction.”       
    Germany Kent

    Don’t look back! What’s done is done. While we cannot change the past, we do have the power to affect our future. Where is it that you want to go?

    I was driving down the street a few days ago and had a strange thought. There are many things we all take for granted in our cars. One such item is the rear-view mirror. (Actually, there are two more of them attached to the sides of our cars.) They are there for a reason. They serve a valuable purpose. At the same time, they present a potential danger.

    As I’m driving down the street, my primary focus is on the road ahead of me. I don’t look just at the car ahead of me. I look well beyond that — to the car in front of the one in front of me, to the next intersection, and to potential obstacles I may encounter several blocks down the road. At the same time I am focused on what’s directly ahead of me, I have a responsibility to be aware of what’s happening behind and around me. This is the purpose of rear-view mirrors.

    The potential danger these mirrors present is that I might see something behind me that catches my attention. It might be an emergency vehicle, with lights flashing, approaching from behind. When such is the case, I immediately turn my attention to being able to pull over to the side of the road to safely get out of the way. Or I might look back and see an overly-aggressive driver tailgating my car, in which case I usually do what I can to switch lanes to avoid conflict. In both of these cases, the rear-view mirror serves a useful purpose.

    But what if I look back and see a stunningly attractive woman in the car behind me? What if I look back and notice that the couple in the car behind me is engaged in a vicious argument? What if I look back and recognize a famous celebrity behind the wheel of the car behind me? At times like these, the distraction, especially if prolonged, poses an immediate danger.

    No one needs to be told that paying attention to where we’re going is a critical factor in safe driving. This is true in life, too. A brief glance back has the potential to provide us with a feeling of safety and security, but our primary focus must be forward to where we’re going. 

    To move successfully and efficiently in the direction we want to go requires self-discipline and conscientious attention. It is imperative that we not allow ourselves to be distracted by the past. Motivational speaker Paul J. Meyer stated, “Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.” Whatever our goals and aspirations might be at this point in our lives, these are key ingredients to consider as we begin this new year.  

    For some, the start of a new year is much like a breath of fresh air which can leave us feeling energized and ready to take on whatever challenges come our way. For others, the new year might be a time of angst if we are unhappy or unfulfilled with our situation in life. The words of author F. Scott Fitzgerald offer a bit of encouragement: “It’s never too late to become who you want to be. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.”

    Wishing you all the best in 2026!

  • Write It!

    “Tomorrow is the first 
    blank page of a 
    365-page book. 
    Write a good one.” 
    Brad Paisley

    If you’ve been thinking about making a new year resolution, or if you’ve been considering how best to utilize your time productively in 2026, consider this: Write your book. Yes! Write YOUR book.

    For years, I’ve been telling people that everyone has a story to tell. I am constantly encouraging people to overcome their self-limiting belief that they don’t have the ability to write their own story. Everyone has this ability. When you are writing about yourself and your own lived experiences, you have all the knowledge necessary to write the story. “But I’m not a writer!” many have said to me. My response is that if you can read a book, you can write a book.

    Getting started is the greatest challenge. Perhaps it helps to begin by realizing that there is nobody in this world more qualified to write your story than you. Spelling? Punctuation? Grammar? Don’t sweat it. Just write it! It’s always possible to find someone to edit your work after you’ve written it, but it’s not possible to edit a blank page.

    “But who would be interested in reading my story?” Yes, this is another common barrier to getting started. My friend Roland Merullo, author of more than 25 books, identifies this as one of the many obstacles to writing in his insightful book Demons of the Blank Page. It doesn’t matter if anyone reads your story. You’re not writing it for someone else. You are writing it for yourself. When you finish, however, you may be surprised to learn that many others resonate with what you’ve written. It’s possible that your words might be exactly what someone needs to fill an emotional void in their heart.

    We can all be inspired by the words of Albert Einstein who said, “There comes a time in your life when you need to stop reading other people’s books and write your own.”

    American novelist Melinda Haynes offers her encouragement, too. “Forget all the rules. Forget about being published. Write for yourself and celebrate writing.” There is definitely a therapeutic value to writing your own story, even if no one else ever reads it.

    “Start telling the stories that only you can tell,” author Neil Gaiman advises, “because there will always be better writers than you and there’ll always be smarter writers than you. There will always be people who are much better at doing this or doing that — but you are the only you.”

    The perspective of Canadian writer Charles de Lint should be considered by anyone who feels as though they don’t have the authority to write a book. He said, “Don’t forget — no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”

    With all this said, I’ll end with the powerfully encouraging words of prolific writer Stephen King. He said, “You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough, you will.”

    As the sun sets on 2025, look back with gratitude, look ahead with confidence, and get started writing your book. Make 2026 your best year ever!

  • 12 Questions

    “Celebrate endings 
    for they precede 
    new beginnings.” 
    Jonathan Huie

    The end of each calendar year offers us a tremendous opportunity to evaluate the previous twelve months. The primary purpose of such an exercise would be to help us make better plans and choices throughout the upcoming year. Taking time to look back at the year that’s ending can be a challenging task, because the mind has a negative bias. It’s easy for us to instantly remember all the things that went wrong for us and all the decisions we made which resulted in negative consequences for us.

    It’s important that we not stop there. We must intentionally focus on all the good which has happened in our life, as well. It’s so easy to overlook the positive factors which have contributed to the current year being a good one. 

    Here is a brief list of questions you might want to consider as you reflect back on 2025 in preparation for living life to the fullest in 2026:

    1. What plans, hopes, or dreams did you have for 2025? How did they go?

    2. What new skills did you learn in 2025 and how might they be of value to you in the future?

    3. Identify three highlights from 2025. What made these experiences so special?

    4. What was your greatest accomplishment in 2025?

    5. For whom in 2025 are you most grateful?

    6. What is something from 2025 that you would do differently in the future?

    7. What is something that went surprisingly well for you in 2025?

    8. What was the most significant life lesson you learned in 2025?

    9. Who were the most significant people to affect your life in 2025?

    10. What would you like to forget about 2025, if anything?

    11. Is there anyone you need to forgive as 2025 comes to a close?

    12. If you had known that 2025 would be your last complete year on earth, what, if anything, would you have done differently?

    I’m always inspired by the words of Anne Frank, who said, “What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t happened yet.”

  • Best Friends

    “Grandma’s house:
    Where cousins become
    best friends.”

    One of the best things I heard from time to time during my childhood was when my mother would tell my siblings and me, “The Kellys will be there.” The Kelly kids were my first-cousins on my mother’s side of the family. They lived in Daly City and it was always a special occasion when our families would get together. Most of those gatherings took place at my maternal grandparents’ home in The City.

    Knowing that the Kellys would be there guaranteed that we were sure to have a good time — and we always did. Even that Easter Sunday morning in the mid-60s when I accidentally kicked a football through the front window of my grandparents’ house, we still managed to have a good day. My maternal grandfather passed away in 1968 when I was in eighth grade. Even before that, we always referred to the Marsily Street home as “Grandma’s house.” Through my high school years, knowing that my six Kelly cousins would be there continued to make going to Grandma’s house something to look forward to. 

    Last night was another delightful night at our home in San José. “Grandma and Grandpa’s house” is now our home. When Tom and Hillaray’s two kids meet up with Steve and Morgan’s three kids in our home, I am constantly reminded of those days in the 1960s when we would get together with the Kellys. Liam and Emily are a bit older than Penny, Scarlett, and Henry, yet they patiently play with them and allow them to be the younger cousins they are. The younger ones adore the older ones, making for consistently pleasant interaction throughout their visits. Such was the case last night.

    I don’t know this for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if all five of the grandkids referred to our home as “Grandma’s house,” or using the terminology they prefer to use, “Mama’s house.” Grandmothers have traditionally been the glue that keeps families together. I’m fairly certain this is true of our family, too. The kids love their “Mama,” and Mama loves those five kids. It has been an absolute joy for me to see the bonds between them develop through the years.

    As 2025 comes to an end, I am grateful that these relationships exist. I am grateful that all five of our grandkids enjoy being with each other (except for the predictable sibling spats from time to time.) And I appreciate that all five of them enjoy spending time at Mama’s house. They seem to feel very much “at home” here. 

  • SI Friends

    “Our group didn’t  
    break the rules,
    we just tested  
    their boundaries  
    — extensively.”

    And “test the boundaries” we most certainly did! I don’t recall anyone in the photo above getting into any really big trouble during our high school years, but I am confident that we all have stories to share of situations in which we narrowly escaped the wrath of Brother Draper, the Dean of Students at Saint Ignatius College Prep in the 1970s. 

    A few such stories were shared yesterday when the fine young gentlemen in the photo above, along with our spouses and significant others, enjoyed an afternoon of food, beverages, lively conversation, friendship, memories, and gratitude for the ability to get together once again this year. Bill and Penny Roche were our gracious hosts at the El Prado Hotel in Palo Alto. 

    Growing up in the United States in the 1960’s and early 1970’s was a unique experience, to put it mildly. Doing so in San Francisco was much like a prolonged educational field trip. Throughout these tumultuous years, we had front-row seats to history in the making. From the music of the Beatles, the Grateful Dead, Jefferson Airplane, Bob Dylan, The Doors, the Beach Boys, Cat Stevens, Santana, and Chicago to the news stories of the Cuban Missile Crisis, the war in Vietnam, the Civil Rights Movement, the assassinations of President John Kennedy, Malcom X, Senator Robert Kennedy, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Neil Armstrong’s first steps on the moon, we were there to watch it play out in real time. 

    As students in Catholic schools for both elementary and high school, we were also witnesses to the local effects of the Second Vatican Council. The Catholic Church of our First Communion (1962) changed drastically by the time we reached our high school years. The rigidity of the Baltimore Catechism was tossed aside, but it took many years before effective, high-quality catechetical materials would be available for use in schools. Because of this, our first two years of high school Theology classes were spent making collages and singing Kum-ba-ya, while the teacher passed around his grade book at the end of the semester inviting us to give ourselves our semester grade. 

    Somehow we survived those experiences and went on to live productive lives as contributing members of society. Yesterday’s gathering was a blessing for which I am tremendously grateful.

  • Miracles

    “I am not embarrassed 
    to tell you that I 
    believe in miracles.” 
    Corazon Aquino

    One might wonder what, exactly, is a miracle. Simply put, a miracle is a wonderful, amazing, unexpected occurrence. The word is derived from the Latin word miraculum, which means “object of wonder.” Given this definition, I have little doubt that some of my elementary school teachers must have thought of me as a miracle! 

    A more compelling definition might be that a miracle is an event that is inexplicable by nature or scientific laws and, accordingly, gets attributed to some supernatural or preternatural cause. Perhaps this is why Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw claimed that “life itself is the miracle of miracles.”

    My personal feelings about miracles are consistent with those expressed by former Philippines President Corazon Aquino in the quote above. I have no problem admitting that I believe in miracles. I have experienced far too many in my lifetime to think otherwise. In fact, the frequency with which I have experienced miracles in my life has led me to adopt the mindset of Canadian educator Laurence J. Peter, who said, “Don’t believe in miracles — depend on them.”

    I cannot tell you how or why miracles occur, only that they do. I recall noticing a friend’s guitar case when I was in high school. It had a sticker affixed to it that read: Expect a Miracle. Only in retrospect do I understand the power of this brief statement. In fact, I believe that being open to the possibility of miracles is the only way to truly experience them. English poet William Blake stated, “The person who does not believe in miracles surely makes it certain that he or she will never take part in one.”

    I don’t consider miracles to be magic. Rather, I see them as undeserved God-given gifts. They seem to happen at random times, which, in retrospect, often proves to be the perfect time. What’s important is that we be open to receiving them and acknowledging them for what they are. Perhaps this helps to explain my passion for gratitude. It takes discipline and mindfulness to consistently see and experience the world through the lens of gratitude. Despite the inevitable challenges of day to day living, there is so much for which to be grateful. 

    It is also important for us to recognize that we can be miracles for others, as we assist and enable them to deal with situations or achieve goals with which they have been struggling. 

    Albert Einstein acknowledged that we have a choice in this matter. He wrote, “There are only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.” 

  • December 26th

    “Okay, Christmas is over. 
    I’m ready for summer!” 
    Unknown

    It’s December 26th. For some, today is the feast day of Saint Stephen. For those in the United Kingdom, it’s Boxing Day. In The Bahamas, today is the beginning of the Junkanoo Street Festival. A surprising number of people seem to use this day each year to cash-in on after-Christmas sales. December 26th also provides a good opportunity for a brief reminder from Theology 101: The Season of Christmas. The cultural season of Christmas is over. Santa has vanished from the mall. Christmas decorations will soon be replaced (if they haven’t been already) by Valentine’s Day props. In the Church, however, the liturgical Christmas Season is just getting started and will end on the feast of the Baptism of the Lord in January. Just thought I’d toss that our there.

    While some might be able to say they’re ready for summer now, I’m not one of them. There is too much to acknowledge and celebrate between now and then. For starters, 2025 is quickly coming to an end. The conclusion of each year offers an opportunity for us to reflect back on the highs and lows of the year which is ending. It also invites us to think about significant lessons we’ve learned in the past twelve months. A personal year-end review, in which we address the question Where do I go from here? is certainly an appropriate use of our time this week. This will be the topic of my December 29th blog post.

    What else is there for us to acknowledge and celebrate at this time of year? Certainly, the possibilities offered to us in the new year are worthy of our consideration. I will begin 2026 the same way I begin every year — with the uncomfortable realization that, more than likely, a number of people I know and love will pass away in the next twelve months. And I’d be deceiving myself if I thought I was immune from such an occurrence myself. We don’t want these things to happen, and we don’t expect them to happen, but they do. That’s just how the game of life is played. Cherishing every moment with those who are important to us should be a priority for us throughout the year.

    The new year also brings opportunities. Will I publish another book in 2026? I certainly hope so. The manuscript I’ve been working on is nowhere near complete, but with self-discipline, focus, and grit, I’m confident that by this time next year, my seventh book will be a reality. After more than a year of helping others to publish their books, it’s time for me to get back to my own work.

    The end of a calendar year is also a time when many people make resolutions for the new year. I cannot say that I’ve been conscientious about making or keeping these through the years, but when I do set a specific goal for myself, when I make the decision to focus on one particular aspect of my life which needs improvement, I have a pretty good track record. I know exactly what I will be focusing on in 2026. It’s going to be difficult for me, yet I look forward to the challenge.   

    So while Santa, despite the stormy weather, might find some time to chill-out at the beach today, I have work to do. Life is good, and while I’m grateful for the many blessings in my life, I am also aware that life can always be better. In fact, I’m absolutely convinced that the best is yet to come.

  • Christmas 2025

    “What is Christmas?… 
    tenderness for the past, 
    courage for the present, 
    hope for the future.” 
    Agnes M. Pahro

    Past, present, and future seem to be common themes around Christmas each year, probably due to Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. In this timeless classic, Scrooge, a miserly old man who despises Christmas, is visited by the ghost of his deceased colleague, Jacob Marley, and three spirits — the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. In these Christmas Eve visions, Scrooge sees his lonely past, the struggles of the poor, and his own bleak, unloved future. This prompts a miraculous transformation, one which empowers him to embrace kindness, generosity, and the spirit of Christmas.

    Throughout my lifetime, Christmas has become increasingly commercialized. Few, it seems, pay much attention to the fact that the celebration of Christmas centers on God’s love for us, as evidenced by the birth of Jesus. At this special time of year, we are, however, invited and encouraged to be kind to others, help the less fortunate, and value relationships over materialism. Christmas is a time to reflect on faith, selflessness, and the spirit of giving. By focusing on these things, we are better equipped to bring families together, reminding us all that even in difficult times, there is hope for humanity.

    Peace and goodwill are also common themes during the Christmas season, offering us an invitation and challenge to live in harmony with others, to show compassion and kindness whenever the opportunity presents itself, and to foster unity at every level of our lives.

    While this may sound like a simple task, most of us encounter situations in our lives which make such goals seem unattainable. These conditions may give some the impression that reconciliation might be interpreted as a sign of weakness. In reality, seeking a restoration of harmony in any relationship requires both humility and courage. These spiritual gifts most certainly are of greater value than anything one might purchase online or at the local mall. 

    I am grateful for the gifts of Christmas — for the reminder that there is tremendous value in pausing to be thankful for the many blessings in my life; for the opportunity to reflect on what is most important in life and to focus on people over things; and for the reminder that true joy and purpose in life comes from spiritual gifts and connections, not commercialism or possessions.

    Long-time CBS news journalist Eric Sevareid left us with this pearl of wisdom: “Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something besides ourselves.”

  • Keep It Simple

    “The way you spend 
    Christmas is far more 
    important than how 
    much you spend.” 
    Henry David Thoreau

    So here we are,… Christmas Eve 2025. Again this year, we’ll be gathering with Kathy’s family at the home of her youngest sister, Chrissy, and her husband, Brian. They have a beautiful South San José home which can accommodate a large and ever-growing family for a holiday celebration. It also happens to be Chrissy’s birthday. Let the party begin!

    Thoreau’s quote above should be a guide for us, not only for Christmas, but throughout the year. Who we spend our time with is far more important than how much we spend on any item or experience we could purchase. 

    Peanuts creator, Charles M. Schulz, echoed this sentiment when he wrote, “It’s not what’s under the Christmas tree that matters, it’s who’s around it.”

    As the years have passed, it seems that the holiday season has gotten increasingly hectic. We can easily find ourselves overwhelmed with things to do, places to go, people to see, gifts to purchase, food to prepare, and so much more. The best explanation I’ve heard for all this chaos was offered by English writer Harland Miller. He said, “Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time, with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts, is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.” Chew on that one for a while.

    Christmas really is all about love — God’s love for us and our love for each other. Keeping this in mind might empower us to keep it simple this Christmas season.