A Beacon of Light

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  • My name is Kevin Carroll. I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, where I attended Saint Ignatius College Preparatory. I am a graduate of both Santa Clara University and the University of San Francisco. Following a 40-year career in teaching and pastoral ministry, I launched a new career as a writer and speaker.

    I live in San José, California. My wife, Kathy, and I have three adult sons and five precious grandchildren. I have much for which to be grateful.

    I can be reached via email at kmc43sjc@gmail.com

    My books are available for purchase online from Amazon. I also have copies of some of these titles at my home for those who would like to buy them directly from me.

    A Moment’s Pause for Gratitude  (2017)

    Cherries in the Summer  (2021)

    The Ambassador of 38th Avenue  (2022)

    Dad: 12 Questions…  (2023)

    A Focus on Gratitude  (2024)

    Through the Lens of Gratitude  (2024)

    A Bahamian Odyssey (2026)

  • A Much-Needed Change

    “It’s okay to struggle, 
    but it’s not okay 
    to give up on yourself 
    or your dreams.”
    Gabe Grunewald

    The Facebook post was simple and to the point. In white letters on a solid black background, it read: “When all you want is to just suddenly die.” I read it, paused briefly, then dragged the image to my desktop. While I was not in any way suicidal, the words struck a chord with me. That’s precisely what I had been feeling at that point in my life. It was December 2016. 

    My outlook on life at that moment in time was bleak. A combination of factors contributed to my negative mindset. It wasn’t just one thing. As I reflected on my life, and my future, I felt that my usefulness in this world had peaked. In my blogging, I tried to stay positive, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so. I had only one goal at that point: to outlive my mother. She was 87-years-old and living in a retirement community in Mountain View. I didn’t want her to die, but I wanted to make certain that I didn’t go first. Ideally, a mother should never have to attend her son’s funeral.

    In the seven years since that time, much has happened in my life. I’ve experienced a combination of joys and sorrows, successes and failures, good days and bad. So what else is new, right? That’s how life usually works for most of us. Through it all, however, I couldn’t shake my readiness to die. This pessimistic outlook on life contributed to my lack of energy, my apathy regarding exercise, my inability to make responsible food choices, and my unwillingness to pay adequate attention to my physical condition.

    Mom passed in August 2022. In the midst of grieving her loss and preparing for the funeral service for her, I was consciously aware that my one reason for living no longer existed. I felt that I could go at any time, though I had no interest in actively making it happen.

    In the middle of March 2023, I received an email from my friend, Kim, in Nassau, Bahamas, letting me know that her doctor had informed her that her battle with cancer was coming to an end — and that it was time for her to put her affairs in order. My response to reading the email was to fly to Nassau to say goodbye. I arrived on the island on Saturday morning, March 18th and had a bittersweet visit with Kim, and her husband Simon, on Sunday afternoon. 

    I returned home on the morning of March 25th. It had been a difficult trip for me. After so many years of living a sedentary lifestyle and careless eating, I had gained a significant amount of weight. The demands of traveling to the Bahamas took a toll on my body. In fact, it was a much-needed wake-up call. I decided it was time for me to step on a scale and see exactly how bad it had gotten. It was bad.

    Then, much to my surprise, I found the motivation I’d been missing for so long. I contacted Kaiser Hospital and signed up to participate in a medically-supervised weight management program. The requirements of the program were challenging, and included a significant increase in physical movement. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I knew was time.

    As we approach the mid-point of September, I feel better than I’ve felt in many years. I’ve dropped sixty pounds since April 1st. I’m walking more often now. My lower back, knees, and feet don’t hurt. My outlook on life has done a complete three-sixty. I’m grateful to be alive. I wake up every morning with a genuine attitude of gratitude, a mindset I’d often promoted in my writing, yet struggled to embrace in my personal life. More than ever, perhaps, I recognize and appreciate that I have so much for which to be grateful.  

  • Faultfinding

    “It is usually best
    to be generous with praise
    and cautious with criticism.”
    Author unknown

    I think it’s fairly safe to say that we’ve all been criticized by someone for some reason, valid or not, at some point in our lives. I think it’s also fairly safe to say that we’ve all criticized someone else for some reason, valid or not, at some point in our lives. Despite the inevitability of such criticism, most of us don’t like it.

    This afternoon, I happened to come upon this brief video in which a teacher, having made an error in a math problem he had written on the classroom board, was immediately criticized and laughed at by students in the class. His response is a powerful message from which we might all benefit.

    Here’s the LINK to the video.

    “Be the person
    who encourages others,
    who chooses to see
    the good in the world
    and speak it out loud.”

  • Strategic Consumption

    “Do not let the behavior 
    of others destroy 
    your inner peace.”
    Dalai Lama

    For many years, I was a news junkie. Upon waking up in the morning, I’d turn on the television to check the local news, just to see if I’d missed something through the night. I’d listen to KCBS news radio in the car on my morning and afternoon commutes. When I arrived home, I’d turn on the television to watch the evening news. Finally, before heading off to bed, I’d check out the first ten or fifteen minutes of either the 10:00 or 11:00 news. Once I was certain that I was adequately informed of the events of the day, I could get a good night’s sleep. I had an insatiable need to know what was happening in the world. 

    Times have changed. Our country has changed. Our world has changed. So, too, has my desire to know what’s happening in the world.

    No longer do I check the morning news. Now I listen to CDs of my favorite musical artists while driving in my car. I do still, occasionally, tune in to the evening news, but I’m usually reminded of why I don’t want to watch it. Both local and national newscasts are dominated by negativity: murders, corruption, thuggery, racism, hatred, war, political conflicts, health warnings, and the apparent decline of morality and integrity in our world. These are the stories of interest. These are the stories that bring in big advertising dollars. These are the stories our society and the media consider newsworthy.

    In one way, this is good news. If what qualifies as newsworthy is that which is not normal, that which one would consider unusual, then the consistently negative news stories would be proof that the world is still a basically good place, but with a presence of evil. This has always been my viewpoint, and my hope. Lately, however, I’ve begun to question this mindset. This, more than anything, upsets me.

    So how do I employ the advice of the Dalai Lama and not let the behavior of others destroy my inner peace? I swim in my own lane. I avoid watching or listening to traditional network newscasts. I’ve adopted the mindset that if it’s out of my control, it’s not worth worrying about. I realize that this is not the ideal response to the myriad crises in our world today, but it seems to be serving me well. I don’t want to know how many shootings took place in Oakland last night. I don’t want to know about how the Church has been protecting pedophile priests. I don’t want to know that another group of thugs wearing hoodies stormed into a high-end department store and ran away with thousands of dollars in merchandise. I don’t want to be reminded of the decline in morality and integrity in our world.

    To avoid finding myself ignorant of current events, I prefer to peruse trusted online news sources such as 1440. In short order, I am able to get a sense of what’s happening in our country and the world without being subjected to the theater of network news.

    This strategy of strategic consumption is not a solution to resolving any of the issues of our day. It is, rather, a coping mechanism — a form of self-care. It’s not a denial of the realities of our day, it’s a decision to not allow those realities to interfere with my inner peace. The strategy seems to be serving me well.

    I’ll end today with the wise words of a television news journalist, who happens to be my high school classmate and friend, Steve Aveson: 

    “We’d be in truly dire straits
    if births, weddings and anniversaries
    made up the half hour of nightly news.” 

  • Stand By Me

    “No I won’t be afraid, 
    no I won’t be afraid,
    just as long as as you stand, 
    stand by me.”
    Sung by Ben E. King

    Kathy and I were sitting in the living room this morning enjoying a nice conversation prior to beginning our day. As is often the case, we had music playing on Pandora. Normally, the transition from one song to the next is something I passively notice, but to which I pay little attention. Every now and then, however, a song does grab my attention. This happened this morning.

    The song Stand By Me, made popular by vocalist Ben E. King, began to play. My mind was immediately taken back to the sixth grade classroom of Shitzu Elementary School in Sotome, Japan. On my first visit to Nagasaki in the fall of 1998, my host student’s family lived in Sotome, a small town located on the coast of the island of Kyushu, about 45 minutes by bus from our sister school, Junshin Junior & Senior High School. Toward the end of my two-week visit, Saori, my host student, invited me to join her for a visit to the elementary school she had attended in her home town. She had mentioned to some of her former teachers that I would be visiting and they asked her to bring me to the school for a visit.

    Of course, I can’t say enough about Japanese hospitality at all levels. I was treated like royalty during my visit to Shitzu Elementary School. I had a brief, informal visit with the principal, observed a couple of classes, joined the fourth grade class for a school lunch in their classroom, played a little soccer with some of the kids on the school yard during lunch recess, then concluded my day with a visit to the sixth grade classroom. The sixth grade teacher, Mr. Masatoshi Irie, and Saori were good friends.

    Although the students at the school had not yet been introduced to speaking or reading the English language, Masatoshi spoke English fluently, so communicating with him was not a problem. I learned that in addition to his teaching job, he played guitar and performed in a local music group, as well. He seemed genuinely grateful that I had taken the time to visit his students. As I prepared to leave, Masatoshi informed me that he and his students had a surprise for me. I was totally unprepared for what happened next.

    Masatoshi picked up his guitar and said something to the students in Japanese. They immediately stood up and faced me. Masatoshi began playing the tune to Stand By Me. Much to my surprise, the students then began to sing — in English! They sang the entire song, smiling as they sang. To say that I was a bit overwhelmed would be an understatement. I congratulated them on their performance and thanked them all profusely before exiting the classroom.

    Since that memorable experience, every time, without exception, I hear the song Stand By Me, I think of that day and those beautiful children. The memory of seeing and hearing them sing for me 25 years ago is permanently embedded in my heart. I have so much for which to be grateful.

  • A Beacon of Light?

    “What if desire wasn’t 
    an urge to be tamed, 
    but a beacon of truth 
    to be followed?”
    Danielle LaPorte

    The dictionary has a number of definitions for the word beacon:

    1. a guiding or warning signal, as a light or fire, especially one in an elevated position.
    2. a tower or hill used for such purposes.
    3. a lighthouse, signal buoy, etc., on a shore or at a dangerous area at sea to warn and guide vessels.

    One must read down to the fifth and sixth definitions to fully understand the name of this blog:

    5. a person, act, or thing that warns or guides.

    6. a person or thing that illuminates or inspires.

    In this, my 70th year on earth, I am motivated to share some of the wisdom I’ve gained through a lifetime of trial and error. It is my sincere hope that some of what I write serves as a guide for others who might be experiencing similar struggles in their own lives. More importantly, however, the purpose of this blog is to inspire readers to live lives of integrity, compassion, kindness, and concern for the common good. 

    Many of my blog posts include stories. In my teaching career, I often told stories. I believed that my students were far more likely to remember a story than just basic facts. I enjoyed sharing real-life or fictitious stories which exemplified the lessons I was teaching. 

    Likewise, it is through the stories I share here that I attempt to guide, illuminate, and inspire readers in ways that will be beneficial to them. I hope those who read A Beacon of Light find some guidance, illumination, and inspiration in my writing.

    Photo Credit: Dagny Drudge, Nassau, Bahamas

  • The Next Chapter

    “Life is like a book, 
    it is told in chapters, 
    and you cannot embrace 
    the next chapter until 
    you close the current one.”     
    Casey Neistat

    When I write, I do so one word, one sentence, one paragraph at a time. I never begin a new paragraph until the previous one has been written. As I consider what to write next, I always have some idea of where I think it will go, but occasionally the writing takes on a life of its own. I’m often amazed by what I’ve written, because the end product can be quite different than my original plan.

    As YouTube personality Casey Neistat tells us in the quote above, life is, indeed, very much like writing a book. One difference, however, is that when writing a story, we can always go back and revise what we’ve written. Life doesn’t usually offer us the same opportunity.

    Instead of paragraphs or chapters, life is lived in moments, hours, days, weeks, months, seasons, and years. The transition from one month or one season to the next is similar to beginning a new chapter. This can be an exciting time, yet it can also be scary, or even bittersweet. Regardless of how we perceive it, life goes on. What’s done is done.

    As we begin the month of September, and soon the season of autumn, we turn the page to the next chapter of our own life stories. It’s important that we do so with a sense of gratitude. Many who turned their page to August are not with us as we transition into September. Many who enjoyed the first days of spring and summer will not have the opportunity to savor the arrival of autumn. Those of us who can do so have much for which to be grateful. 

    Like you, I would think, I have some ideas about where I expect or hope September will take me. I have some desires and a few plans for the season of autumn, but I know full well that, just as my writing can take on a life of its own and lead me in a totally different direction, my life has the same potential. Despite this reality, I am embarking on this new chapter with confidence that whatever lies ahead will help me to continue to grow into the person I was meant to be. 

  • On Staying Calm

    “The more tranquil a man becomes, 
    the greater his success, 
    his influence,  
    his power for good.”
    James Allen

    I’m not exactly sure what caused me to think about this last night, but I wish I had learned about the power of calmness long before I did. Maybe it’s human nature, or a “guy thing,” or maybe it’s just me, but I would occasionally get irritated and react to things people said or did without giving myself the time I needed to process what had happened and to respond appropriately. Not surprisingly, anger often reared its ugly head and my response, or, in many cases, my over-response, was inappropriate. I’m embarrassed to admit that it took me so long to embrace a lesson I could have, and should have mastered much earlier in my life.

    A person’s true strength comes from having the ability to put aside the negative things that happen in life without the need to immediately react. This seems so obvious… now.

    The 20th century poet, T. S. Eliot, pointed out, “Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important.” As I reflect upon many of the incidents of conflict in my life, most notably in the workplace, Eliot’s words have been repeatedly validated. The root cause of most conflict was a quest for power. I guess I have to admit that my impulsive reactions were often motivated by the very same thing. Individuals who are self-confident have no need to prove themselves to others. Nor do they have the need to prove someone else wrong.

    As time went on, I became much more patient and peaceful than I had been in previous years. My focus on gratitude played a key role in this transformation. Doing so was extraordinarily helpful when I finally recognized that the words and actions of many of those attempting to make my life difficult were, in fact, reflective of their own self-detestation.

    The ability to remain calm, even in the midst of chaos, is a form of self-care. The Dalai Lama reminds us that a “calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that’s very important for good health.” For this reason, I have adopted the regular habit of utilizing the Calm app, which provides a collection of brief, inspirational meditations, an assortment of longer guided meditations, and an outstanding collection of meditative music. The app has, without a doubt, been beneficial to my physical and mental health. 

    Mahatma Gandhi, more than most of us, I would think, recognized the peril of those seeking power. His words are as meaningful today as they were when he spoke them eighty years ago: “The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.”

    Sadly, we’re not there yet. 

  • Why Are We Here?

    “Every individual bears the 
    responsibility to be of 
    value to humanity.” 
    Seneca

    Seneca was a philosopher in ancient Rome. What an amazing accomplishment, and honor, to be remembered, respected, and quoted almost 2,000 years after one’s death. In his words above, he reminds us that we are all called to make a positive difference in the world during our lifetime. While this might be a tall order, leaving some to believe, perhaps, that they are incapable of doing so, Seneca broke it down into more palatable tasks. Here’s his full statement:

    “Every individual bears the responsibility to be of value to humanity: if possible, to benefit a large number; if not, to benefit a smaller group; if that, too, seems unattainable, to benefit their immediate community; however, above all, they must prioritize self-growth and personal well-being.”

    What an amazing two-part call to action!

    This same general sentiment was echoed by President Theodore Roosevelt in his 1913 autobiography, when he wrote, “Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.” This  well-known quote is often attributed to the president, but Roosevelt gave credit for these words to Squire Bill Widener of Widener’s Valley, Virginia.

    Mother Teresa, now known as Saint Teresa of Calcutta, called us to a similar task. She wrote, “Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you’ve got anyway.” She also recognized the immensity of her challenge, so she added these words: “Not all of us can do great things. But we can all do small things with great love.”

    The challenge is clear, but I mentioned that Seneca’s decree has a second part. It would be a mistake to overlook it.

    He entreated us to, “above all,… prioritize self-growth and personal well-being.” I fear that these words may be overlooked, just as Jesus’ prerequisite to love our neighbors as we love ourselves is often ignored. Yes, we are called to love our neighbors, but we are first called to love ourselves. Seneca urges us to be of value to humanity, but that before we can do so, we must attend to self-growth and our own personal well-being.

    Self-care is not selfish. My Bahamian friend, Preston Moss, made this clear to me when, in 1975, he told me, “Ya can’t give what ya ain’t got.” He was right!

    Being of value to humanity, in whatever way we can, should be at the top of our Bucket List. How we approach this task is up to us.

  • A Blustery Day

    “Times of calamity and confusion 
    have been productive 
    for the greatest minds.” 
    Charles Caleb Colton

    The State of California experienced yet another unusual weather phenomenon yesterday and today. Hurricane Hilary, which was downgraded to a tropical storm prior to reaching southern California, had wreaked havoc in various parts of Mexico. California had not experienced a tropical storm in more than eighty years! While no longer a hurricane, the storm soaked the southern part of our state with record-breaking rainfall. Not surprisingly, this has resulted in significant flooding, mudslides, and general mayhem in San Diego, Los Angeles, San Bernardino, Palm Springs, and other neighboring communities.

    Here in the greater San Francisco Bay Area, the effects of the storm have been minimal. Today was overcast with significantly cooler temperatures than we’ve enjoyed in the past several weeks. We also received a bit of rain, while gusty winds pummeled the area throughout the day. Definitely not the weather one would normally expect in August.

    I’ll have to wait to see the evening news to get a better idea of the overall impact the storm has had in the southern part of the state.

    Our climate is most definitely changing. Some argue that it’s all about human-caused global warming. Others claim that climate change is a normal part of our meteorological history. I don’t know who’s right. What I do know is that the climate I experienced, and came to expect during the first sixty years of my life, has most definitely changed — locally, nationally, and internationally. 

    The winter of 2023-2024 will be interesting. Will we have anything close to the record-breaking rainfall we received last winter, or will California return to the drought conditions of the previous seven years? This remains to be seen. Attitudes which embrace such wisdom as “go with the flow” or “one day at a time” might prove to be quite beneficial over the next several months.

  • Days Like This

    “Music has healing power.” 
    Elton John

    I was in middle school (1967) when Van Morrison, the singer-songwriter from Belfast, Ireland, hit the charts with his first hit song, Brown-Eyed Girl. Since that time, the artist has continued to create memorable tunes familiar to many of us. In 1995, Morrison released his twenty-third studio album, named after his new hit single Days Like This. The gist of the song is evident from the first three verses:

    When it’s not always raining,
    there’ll be days like this. 
    When there’s no one complaining,
    there’ll be days like this. 
    When everything falls into place 
    like the flick of a switch,
    well my mama told me  
    there’ll be days like this. 

    When you don’t need to worry,  
    there’ll be days like this.
    When no one’s in a hurry,
    there’ll be days like this. 
    When you don’t get betrayed  
    by that old Judas kiss, 
    oh my mama told me  
    there’ll be days like this. 

    When you don’t need an answer, 
    there’ll be days like this. 
    When you don’t meet a chancer,  
    there’ll be days like this.  
    When all the parts of the puzzle  
    start to look like they fit it, 
    then I must remember  
    there’ll be days like this.

    Yes, sometimes everything just comes together and the world seems right. We wake up, two minutes before the alarm was set to go off, feeling well-rested. Everything we need for breakfast is available in the kitchen. When we hit the road, all the lights are green and other motorists are driving responsibly, cautiously, courteously. Coworkers verbally express their gratitude for the work we do. Customers are congenial and genuinely grateful for the service we provide for them. Everyone and everything seems to be as it should be. 

    How often we experience days like this depends upon our outlook on life. Sadly, too many people, it seems, tend to focus on what’s wrong with the world and with those around them. One looking for such negativity is sure to find it. Similarly, those who look for the good in the world, who consciously make an effort to see the good in the people around them, are likely to recognize that such positivity is all around us. The choice is ours.

    I know, as well as anyone, that not all days meet our expectations. Disappointment and sadness are realities we cannot escape. I believe that we can minimize these difficult days by embracing a positive mindset and accepting that, for the most part, the world is a good place and that people are basically good.